It's
Here! NBA Season Is Back In Full Effect! #NBA #SportsAndStuff
All pictures and logos courtesy of the NBA unless otherwise stated.
So, as
you all may or may not know, while I enjoy reading, writing and
watching a ton of TV and movies, I also enjoy the occasional sports
competition where the finest young men and women come together for
rousing games and displays of strength and dexterity known only to
the gladiators before them. But I am rather particular about my
sports, as in only sports that are included in the Olympics (sorry,
Football). Listen, it's not that I don't like football, I just don't
get into it as much as other faster-moving sports. Do I watch the
super bowl? Doesn't everybody? Well, no, I only sometimes will watch
the bowl but only if I have nothing pressing on my DVR.
My
sport of choice, as you can tell by the title of this post, is
basketball, even more specific the NBA. College ball I never got
into. For one, I've always loathed college in the first place even
when I attended. It always felt like a bit of a ruse on many levels
and collegiate sports felt like the biggest con. But I digress.
Suffice it to say that I also can't get into the fact that the best
players leave after a year anyway.
No,
the NBA is where it is at for me with the occasional look across to
baseball once every six years or so. But I love the Olympics--summer
and winter--and can't wait for the 2016 Rio games. There's something
about those track girls that I can't seem to shake.
Ahh!
How many tangents am I going to go on? Sorry about that, but now that
you know my sports loving history... sort of, we can get down to what
really matters right now, here, at this moment!
The
NBA where, uh... stuff happens. Sorry, I don't know the motto/theme
for this year. The where [insert stuff] happens theme was half a
decade ago, wasn't it? With that said, what are you looking forward
to seeing over the long haul of the next nine months. Wait, nine
months? Is the NBA season really that dang long? End of October,
November, December, January through June--goodness gracious! That's
frickin' ridicurus! Whatever. I'm in it for the long haul. Here are
some of my most anticipated stories for this year.
I'll
put my most anticipated one last as who I want to win the
championship is of the utmost importance and therefore deserves the
"last but not least" literary drumroll. I will start with
one of the stories that has plagued me for the last few days: Will
Lebron's new mustache seek out world domination.
Forget
about the fact that the new lip hair looks like it is a genius
attempt to grow his own Groucho Marx Halloween costume disguise, or
that he looks more and more like Carl Winslow every day, I have to
commend him on his new fashion statement. Just the fact that he is
bold and daring enough to come to work with yet another questionable,
side-eye-inducing folicular choice after last year's "suddenly
I'm not balding any more" headband-gate is praiseworthy in
itself. I also think that if he continues to grow it out, it will
soon take on a life of its own. Seeing how it is now Movember--an ode
to not shaving for a good Cancer cause--I
hope he doesn't shave it off. In fact, I hope he gets some of that
expensive mustache wax and enters one of those woolly stache
competitions they're always talking about on that show Whisker Wars
(side note: If you're not hip to the stranger corners of reality TV,
yeah, it's a show that actually exists; long live Beard Team USA!).
Maybe 70s porn staches are the new way to go. If that be so, then so
it be.
You
are going to ignore the fact that I did not have a proper way to end
that last paragraph and we are going to move on to a second most
anticipated story: Will Derrick Rose aka Fragile Knees, Kevin Durant
AKA Broken Foot, and Kobe Bryant AKA Black... and Blue maintain their
health for a full season. I know that Kobe and Derrick have been
oft-injured as of late but Durant has maintained much of his
healthiness until last year. I should give him a break, right? Wrong!
Though he doesn't play the position, he is technically a very big man
coming in near to seven feet tall. And we all know just how
troublesome lower body injuries can be when it comes to the tallest
players in the game. I'm worried that his case could become something
similar to Rose's where he looks good after returning from an injury
only to re-injure himself in another crucial part of his body.
And
as for Fragile Knees and Kobe, I feel bad for Limp Rose. The official
season hadn't even started yet and he got hurt, busted in the face in
an accident that would see him turn into the NBA's version of the
Phantom of the Opera. Just because you have double vision shouldn't
give you the right to miss twice as many shots, 8 for 19.
That
goes triple for you, Kobe. Listen, this is not to stomp on your
greatness, but take this year as a time to chill. Still play good
basketball, try to wow the fans with a few "I still got it"
moves and school the rookies in everything but breathing. We know
that you know that we know that everybody knows that there's no way
you're even going to sniff at a championship this season. Be the
parade princess--erm, prince that you are, sit in that slow moving
car wreck called the Lakers, and wave and smile at the flocks of fans
come to see you play one last time. Do not drag this out for another
year or two. It is not worth it.
Picture courtesy of Degrassi |
Speaking
of the Shea Buttery Don from the 6, my fourth most anticipated story
of the year: How many times will we catch Drake grinning, laughing,
chumming it up and being super-duper starstruck over every NBA player
that comes to Toronto. For that matter, how often will we see Drake
at a Raptors game? Seeing as how I don't know if Jack Nicholson still
goes to Lakers games, there's always a pedantic "oh, there's
Billy Crystal" reaction when watching Clippers games, and Spike
Lee sadly hasn't been relevant since Inside Man (Old Boy does not
count!), the teams are sorely lacking in celebrity mascots. And
outside of the Clippers, I really only watch scrub teams' games to
see what tortured soul of a famous person is also stuck watching the
scrub team live. Yes, there's a caveat there for Toronto; they're
decent. But until they can make it out of the first round, preferably
not being swept, they still earn a spot on my crap list.
My
fifth most anticipated story of the year: Who will be the winner for
dumbest play of the season. Looking beyond the seven foot centers
around the league that will mysteriously find themselves outside the
three-point line and take the shot that they've never shot in their
lives, who else will make the dumbest play of a lifetime? The one
play that makes everyone go, "huh? Did this dude just did this?"
If this could somehow be turned into a betting pool, my money would
be on Javale McGee or Nick Young as seasons past have shown either of
them to be a fountain of "what the hell-ishness?"
'My bad. I thought that was my knee.' "Um... right." |
#WhoDatDunkin? |
Number
seven: How many ridiculous three point shots will Steph Curry make
this season. Scratch that, how many ridiculous shots will we see
period. With Steph Curry starring in his own version of Angels in the
Back Court with seemingly every shot he throws into the air going in,
I'm more shocked when he doesn't make an insane shot. Dropping 40 on
opening night is just an embarrassment of riches. But then following it up against the same team last night with 53 leaves me speechless. Hopefully a
match-up between the Warriors and the Thunder will render ridiculous
shots from KD, Steph, Klay and Westbrook because I need to have my
mind blown at least twice every year.
Number
eight: What player will end up wearing some "what are those"
or another questionable fashion choice? Who will have the most
clown-worthy outfit in a post-game presser that will blow up the
internet? This is not taking into account the misguided new uniforms
for teams--I'm looking at you Atlanta--but the off-court clothing
that the players actually chose to wear themselves... like, nobody
made them wear it. They actually chose to have people see them
wearing it... in public. For some strange reason, I keep having this
vision of a wooden shirt.
With Michael Conley having rocked the wood-brimmed hat and wooden bow tie, a shirt can't be too far behind. Backpacks; glasses with no lenses; tight pink, red, purple, fuchsia, indigo or other ridiculous-colored pants and/or leather shirts--all of that should be in the past now. Outside of Iman Shumpert still trying to do his best rendition of Kid and Play, I hope to see some real fashion and not some stuff the players are trying to pawn off as high-end when they know they bought half of their outfit at Kids-R-Us. And for goodness sake, Dwyane Wade, wear some dang socks with your shoes.
With Michael Conley having rocked the wood-brimmed hat and wooden bow tie, a shirt can't be too far behind. Backpacks; glasses with no lenses; tight pink, red, purple, fuchsia, indigo or other ridiculous-colored pants and/or leather shirts--all of that should be in the past now. Outside of Iman Shumpert still trying to do his best rendition of Kid and Play, I hope to see some real fashion and not some stuff the players are trying to pawn off as high-end when they know they bought half of their outfit at Kids-R-Us. And for goodness sake, Dwyane Wade, wear some dang socks with your shoes.
Most
anticipated number nine: Which player and/or coach and/or team owner
will get into the most off-court shenanigans. With Matt Barnes
beating some gray into Derek Fisher's beard before the season began,
Iman Shumpert and Kyrie Irving impregnating fine but really young
women, and no baller checking for Rihanna for pretty much the first
time since she broke up with Chris Brown, who will have the most
distracting sideline story for their team. Could it be Ty Lawson's
inability to not drive while under the influence? Will Mark Cuban
finally bitch-slap somebody because, you know... he's Mark Cuban? And
will Steve Ballmer finally get on Dancing with the Stars? Only time
will tell.
And
finally, who will win it all? What team will take home the ultimate
trophy that is the NBA championship? What Cinderella will finally get
her crown? What city and fan base will have the bragging rights of
playing Queen's "We Are The Champions" from summer 2016
until summer 2017? For those who may not know, my hope is in the
Cleveland Cavaliers. We went to the finals last year and almost got
the crown even with two of our three best players out. Given even
more time to gel this year and a bolstered bench with the additions
of Richard Jefferson and Mo Williams (they don't have to do a lot,
just maintain the score), and with Varejao back from injury, I think
we have a favored shot at the trophy.
What
do you think? What is your most anticipated story line for this
season? Which team are you rooting for? Whose health is the most
important to you? Are you looking forward to any hilarity the season
might bring? Are you a balding man like me who still wants to know
what the hell Lebron did to his hair to get it back? Let me know in
the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no
comments).
If
you’re looking for Halloween scares check #AFuriousWind,
#DARKER,
#BrandNewHome
or
#ThePowerOfTen.
For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check
out #TheWriter.
The full first season is OUT NOW exclusively on Amazon. Join us on
Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my
blog with that Google+ button to the right side.
Until next time, “we're playing
bas-ket-balllll! We're playing bas-ket-ballll."
P.S.
Yes, those are lyrics from Kurtis Blow's classic rap song
"Basketball." I'm sure you've heard it before in your life
but have you seen the video? Not to be racist, but that was a lotta
white people for a 1980s rap video about the blackest sport of the
time.
P.P.S. Shout out to Lolo Jones for coming up with one of the best Halloween costumes. Yes, she is really hurt and will be losing the crutches in a few days. I see you senorita.
AmazonP.P.S. Shout out to Lolo Jones for coming up with one of the best Halloween costumes. Yes, she is really hurt and will be losing the crutches in a few days. I see you senorita.
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