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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Rainbow Sensation? Cheap Shoes and Cleavage Returns? Empire Strikes Back! #Empire #Fox

Rainbow Sensation? Cheap Shoes and Cleavage Returns? Empire Strikes Back! #Empire #Fox

All pictures courtesy of FOX  

A week into its triumphant return, Empire (#Empire) continued its surge of ridiculously juicy TV by continuing to follow the script of 1980s show Dynasty. Minus Cecil Colby (for you kids out there, if you don’t know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, look it up online and do your research), but with plenty of cojones behind her, Cookie yoked her oldest and youngest son into following her into creating their own record label to rival Lucious’ Empire. Starting with that bald-headed Betty from last season that we saw in the first or second episode, they begin stocking their client list with Empire castoffs or stolen talent. Brace yourselves people, because it’s about to get real dirty.

With Lucious still in jail and still sick, he desperately needs his meds but the ADA—the lady lawyer wearing wayyy too revealing outfits around and looking like New York from Flavor of Love’s momma—is withholding such medication in order to get a confession. Not only that, but she has one of her own uniformed goons played by Ludacris threaten Lucious. My question at that point was how many guest stars are they going to have on the show that Lucious is clearly going to have to kill at some point. Listen, I love all the guest stars but they can’t all be enemies, can they? On top of that, how many musical artists are they going to have on the show that don’t sing or rap while on the show (yes, I’m counting Chris Rock. He could’ve hit us with a 2015 rendition of No Sex in The Champagne Room and don’t act like you don’t remember that). Now Luda’s playing a prison guard trying to punk Terrence Howard? Dude, didn’t he already whip yo’ ass when you refused to listen to his demo in Hustle and Flow? Come on now.

While the ADA lady is presumably winning as Lucious gets weaker, outside Jamal is dealing with the whole family trying desperately to game him. His father wants Hakeem back on Empire and Hakeem wants to release his album. The youngest one also wants to create a girl group of a Black girl, White girl and Latina girl that he’ll call Rainbow Sensation, completely neglecting Asians, Indians and Native Americans (he must be one of those colorblind Negroes everyone’s always talking about, cause all the colors ain’t in his rainbow). Naturally, he goes to Tiana to see if she wants to lead this group after only finding Latina young ladies that can sing. Side note: Did anyone else think she was butt-naked from the waist down? Tiana had on not just a tight nude-colored body suit, but the way they filmed it was risque. Maybe it’s just my TV’s color but damn!

Tiana turns Hakeem down in more coded ways than one which ends him up in a Jacuzzi with one of the singers he found. Not the only dumb decision he’d make, he also decided to leak his Empire album online and risk a lawsuit from his brother and father, thereby refusing a return to the label. As Hakeem lays his claim to the new record label, Andre’s wife pleads with Jamal to try to get him re-hired at Empire, while Andre does the same to his father. A brief flashback with Kelly Rowland playing Lucious’ mother and staring off into the distance lets us know that Lucious has a thing about mental illness, preventing him from forgiving and accepting his eldest son.

Back to the prison, Lucious finds himself not only struggling without his medication but yearning to spit a verse or two and release a song while still locked up “a Lucious Lyon joint from the joint.” To do that, he runs into a new crooked lawyer supposedly better than his current one. Now, this pastel purple brotha pops out of nowhere and not only gets him a makeshift studio in a janitorial closet in prison, but manages to get this single released to radio stations and get Lucious out on bail after some explicit BDSM pictures of the judge surface as “evidence.” Oh yeah, cheap shoes almost threw her wig across the room when she learned he’d be getting out. The saddest part: Cookie and Hakeem wanted their label up and running long before Lucious got out, but won’t even have the floor in their new space properly swept before the emperor returns. It’ll be hard for them to take down Empire, but they believe they can, for the Lyon Dynasty has just been born. #LyonDynasty

What do you think? Did you like Lucious’ song from prison? Did you even notice that was Petey Pablo? Do you even remember who Petey Pablo is? And how do you think Cookie and Hakeem’s new label will do against Empire? Will they both implode or will one defeat the other for the top? And who do you got: #LyonDynasty vs. #Empire? Let me know what you think in the comments below. 

As always, check out my books on Amazon (if you’re looking for Halloween scares check  #AFuriousWind,  #DARKER#BrandNewHome or #ThePowerOfTen). For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The final episode of season one of The Writer is OUT NOW. Ahh! That’s right, all 15 episodes are out now available exclusively on Amazon. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right side.

Until next time, "it be a whole lotta 'B***s' jumpin' ship!”

P.S. Hustle and Flow reunion? Where’s Paula Jai Parker, DJ Qualls and Elise Neal. We already know Anthony Anderson has his competing show on ABC, so he probably won’t appear in the studio anytime soon. Oh, I forgot this was supposed to be a sign-off. My bad. It’ll be better next time.

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