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Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Beware The Ides Of March #SuperTuesday2 #Vote #DemocraticPrimary #RepublicanPrimary

Beware The Ides Of March #SuperTuesday2 #Vote #DemocraticPrimary #RepublicanPrimary

Don't Know Where This Is From

Beware the Ides of March is the famous line uttered in the Shakespeare play that chronicled the life of Julius Caesar, a polarizing but powerful political figure of his time. And now, as we prepare for a sequel to Super Tuesday from two weeks ago, we as Americans are faced with our own terrifying scenarios of a bleak future. No, I'm not talking about any of the potential candidates becoming president, but rather the loss of all the frighteningly funny shenanigans that this political season (#Decision2016) has gifted us all.

To start, I'd like to first mention that I am an Ohioan, born and raised. Tomorrow, my state, along with five others I believe (you can check my math on that) will be having both its Democratic and Republican primaries to choose which candidate in either party we want to become the nominee for that respective party. It is also of note that this year, Cleveland (city in which I was born) is the site of the Republican National Convention (RNC), a big deal. Hopefully, the Democratic convention will come in four years. This is being predicted as the potential throw-down site of a contested convention. Dun dun dunnn! If you've been following politics at all, I'm sure you've heard about the delegate math and the candidate needing a certain amount of delegates to become the official nominee. While everyone's predicting Trump will get that, things are still very much up in the air.

Pushing aside the fact that Kasich is the governor of Ohio and currently nothing more than an also-ran candidate, did you know that Ohio has literally been one of the three (again, check my math) states to be a key decider in who the next president will be? In fact, we have elected every single president going back to 1964, both republicans and democrats. A true swing-state with real power, but hey, keep calling us a fly-over state.

None of that, however, is any reason to fear today's voting, nor is where the drama lies. No, the true tragedy for today will lie within something we will all soon lose: the comedy. This political season, while exhaustively long, has supplied political comedy writers with so much material they've had to leave fantastic jokes on the floor because what they had was way better. Just in the last two months we've seen a grown man running for president talk about his hand size and equate it to his, uh... Little Trump I mean, BIG Trump size.

And We Thought Deez Nuts Was Gonna Be A BIG Deal

We've seen a woman claim she had no idea where a person was when she fought for healthcare when that person was literally standing right behind here.

We've seen New Jersey's Humpty Dumpty stand behind Mr. Hair, unable to fix his facial expression into anything other than child-who's-just-learned-Santa-isn't-real. We've seen a ventriloquist's dummy who was irrelevant back in 2012 rise from whatever republican crypt they buried him in and come back to be even more irrelevant.

Y'all Pulled Me Away From My Madame Tussuads Wax Statue Gig For This?

And, the established name of Bush dropped out of the race a month ago while everybody's crazy-eyed, bespectacled white uncle is still somehow in the race. 

Abe Simpson And I Were Just Talking About The Good Ol' Days, Now I'm Here?

We've had digs about height, people swearing that Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer (I guess he somehow pulled a Stephen King's 11/22/63 to commit the murders?), and near weekly debates that reminded us that not only is Kasich and Ben Carson still running (though Ben has since dropped out), but that Carson has become adept at sleeping on his feet while everyone ignored him (I just wish somebody would attack him).

We've been near pantsuited to death by Hillary, joined John Oliver in trying to #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, cheered/booed #TrumpRally, and made--boo! Booooo! I hate your blog! You're not funny! Everything you write is stupid.

"Get 'em outta here. Out!" Sorry, readers, there were some protesters protesting my blog. I don't know why. It's not like that many people actually take me seriously. Anyway, the amount of hilarity and fear that we as Americans have been given in the last few months is a gift. Is it a trying time for us? Are these things serious? Should we be very critical of this process and enter it with sober mind and purest of hearts? Of course. We should do all of those things. Yes, our future is important and yes fearing what may happen regardless of which party you are voting for is stressful. But it is also normal. A little fear, a little leeriness, a little trepidation about what will happen can be healthy when properly channeled. But we must all remember, regardless of what side we are on, step back, breathe and have a little levity. It's serious, but it's also funny. Don't let the weight of the future crush the hope of today. Pray if you have to, laugh, then pray some more.

What do you think? Are you too frightened/angered/upset to find anything comical about this process? You aren't hording hate in your heart are you? Or is our future too serious for a laugh? Or have you given up all hope, regardless of how this goes, and already have your car packed or plane ticket booked for Canada? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking
If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind#DARKER#BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "Damn it, I didn't come to this debate to argue with you!"

P.S. OK, yes, I know the difference, but I wrote because I tried to make a play off of that classic scene in Dr. Strangelove. You know, the one in the war room. Oh, you haven't seen the movie. Well, you lose a few cool points there.

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