Farewell, Gladiators! #Scandal #ScandalFinale #seriesfinale #ABC #Shondaland

Farewell, Gladiators! #Scandal #ScandalFinale #seriesfinale #ABC #Shondaland

All pictures courtesy of ABC and Shondaland Productions 

It's rare that I get to write one of these. I think the last time I wrote one was for the short-lived, but twisty-good (in my opinion) series Revenge, another ABC show about backstabbery, betrayal, lying, cheating and rich people problems. In the TV-landscape it is quite rare to encounter. A TV show is very akin to a new restaurant or business, in that over 90% of them fail their first or second year out, and often close up shop without warning. For years, fans have lamented about their favorite new shows suddenly being canceled or put on long, indeterminate hiatuses often without proper conclusions. I think the most flagrant example and probably the one that started the cancellation trend of unsatisfying ends was that of Alf, the 1980's sitcom about a bizarre-looking alien that comes to live with a family in suburban America. It is now not only known in pop culture as one of the strangest shows with a cuddle-ugly alien thing to possibly ever exist, but is infamous for its final episode's final shot showing Alf gazing into the sky while a spaceship, presumably from his home planet, is beaming light down on him. Does he ever get back home like E.T.? What happens to the family who cared for him for four seasons? And what about the government agencies that have chased after him? Fans will never know because the show ended on a huge cliffhanger in hopes of the network keeping them on another season, only to be axed a week or two after the finale aired. All of that long opening paragraph and out-of-the-blue Alf reference simply to say this: It's a big deal when a beloved, long-running scripted series gets a series finale.

President Mellie Hardly Factored Into This Episode If You Ask Me

B
ut did we deserve this finale? Eh! Let's first recap for any of those people who just like reading my words or like to experience things over again. With Olivia having told her clan that the only way to get out of their current predicament—on the cusp of being taken down and Mellie's presidency being de-legitimized due to charges of treason—was to go over the cliff and actually... tell the truth (gasp!). The truth about everything, but mainly about B6-13. Our finale, aptly titled “Over The Cliff” opened with them readying to testify about their involvement in and/or knowledge of this organization. Everyone from sitting president Mellie, to Fitz, to Olivia, to Huck and down the line were going to testify. They'd do this all to prevent Cyrus from taking over the white house. But first, in order to even get the clout and grand hearing that they wanted, the guy that was looking into Mellie's supposed treasonous attempt to bring down Air Force 2 had to do something drastic. See, he was threatened by Jake and saw no way to prosecute B6-13 without also incriminating himself and bringing everything down. He was a true white hat who only ever wanted to be in a position of power to push strongly for gun control. He asked one thing of Olivia: that she make Mellie act on gun control as one of her first agendas after they got their hearing. The promise made, he then shot himself, which triggered a shift of power back to David Rosen.

David, the long-suffering white-hat lawyer who saw himself stripped of his position a few seasons ago, only to come back and claim the seat as the USADA, was now taking over the investigation into B6-13, which held a higher priority than the treason against Mellie, from which he had to recuse himself. Cyrus' plan to take the oval has gone awry. So while David briefs Olivia's brood on what to expect during their testimony, telling them to give as much of the truth as possible, Cyrus goes to Jake and tells him that they need to get rid of David. Frankly, he wants a hit out on almost all of them at this point. Jake doesn't actively agree, but does go to find Rosen and tries to intimidate him out of continuing the investigation and bringing charges. He reminds him that he shot Cyrus' husband in the back on the street right in front of Rosen, and even raises his gun to him. But David, in his own glorious impersonation of the old Olivia Pope, gives Jake a serious talking to about being good and decent, and actually believing in something for himself and no longer being the puppet of everyone around him. It saves him and Jake disappears.

Jake goes back to Cyrus and tells him that he didn't do as “ordered” because he didn't want to, and that Cyrus can't say a single word to him about it because he isn't strong enough to do the killing himself. At this point, I got a little confused because I could have sworn that we did see Cyrus kill at least one person before through some means. I digress. Cyrus takes the criticism to heart and calls Rosen in in the middle of the night, while Rosen was cuddled up with Abby, so that he can sign a confession and make a deal that will absolve him of any future charges.

David (L) is the stupidest, most trusting lamb on the show. Why meet Cyrus at night? 

It's a trap that tries (and fails) to be rather Shakespearean in nature when he offers Rosen a drink of poisoned wine. Rosen falls to the floor as he is choking but is still alive. It takes too long for Cyrus, and he grabs a pillow and suffocates the man, but only after showing us the many faces of horror that we are to believe have changed him. He can't believe he's killed someone for the first time. After all of those orders to kill, all that bad-wolf bloviating he's done through the years, agony is writ upon his face as he must kill the most honest, upstanding, white hat probably on the entire show.

Meanwhile, as the group awaits a final decision about each of their testimonies to come in, and they all know that they will go to jail based on what they've said, Quinn and the group go to prison to visit Charlie, and perform a solo-visitation-room wedding officiated by Huck. It could be their last chance at tying the knot and Quinn wants to commit even if she'll never see Charlie again. Redhead Abby struggles not to cry and break down now that David is dead because they need to see this over-the-cliff thing all the way through to the fiery crash at the bottom, and if she starts mourning now, she'll never stop. Olivia goes to her father and asks him to stand in the sun with the rest of the group and also testify, to which he says that he is retired. They argue back and forth about the kind of woman he always wanted her to be and her fulfilling that destiny only for him to still say no and say that he is escaping the country. Olivia then hops over to Fitz and challenges him either to fight with her about their past bad decisions or make love to her on their potential last night of freedom. He chooses the latter, but Shonda then fails to give us one last great love scene.

And then they get the call. The call comes in that the decision has been delayed because of a new witness with new testimony. Yes, it is Papa Pope, Eli or Rowan as was his kill name, come to testify before the slew of white men looking at the facts concerning B6-13. In one last great speech for Joe Morton, he pulls out an epic white male privilege speech that sees him gloat about how he, a black man, quietly ran the country for 30 years, deciding presidencies, what laws would and wouldn't get enforced, who lived and who died, and basically every decision and every freedom that most US citizens take for granted, especially the white male ones. He was the true ruler, and he was the architect of such an organization that became bigger than the US Federal government itself. He was command, and you can't take command... But you can give it away. He appeals to their racist/racial bias bones and tells them that while he is command, the author and finisher of the American fate, they don't have to give the US public him. He doesn't have to be the face of this organization which surely must be dismantled and prosecuted. Instead of giving the public a black face in charge of everything, he (and they) sacrifices Jake, the current command. Jake is arrested and thrown in jail (I guess we were supposed to assume that the trial already went down) and everything is then pinned to him and his secret organization. The treason charges against Mellie quietly go away and Olivia tells her that she, too, is going to go away and let Mellie rule how she wants to, instead of being in her ear the whole time. Mellie respects that.

From An Earlier Season. Also This Finale Episode Felt Like Morton's Time To Shine Most

Olivia then goes to Jake in jail and talks to him one last time before he is set to be shipped off to Federal Super-max prison in Indiana (it might have actually been Illinois, but I watched the Cavs-Pacers game right after and my fury at its outcome may have soaked my memory). She asks who he might've been had she left him on that island a few seasons back, left him to stand in the sun and not dragged him back to DC. Like how many licks it takes, the world may never know.

Finally, Olivia calls Cyrus into the oval before officially packing it in and hands Cyrus his resignation papers. He starts talking about how he was never charged with anything and how he is clear and free. But then he shifts and asks Olivia if she can still enjoy a drink. Not a reference to David per se, he insists that after having finally crossed that mad line by killing David, he can no longer get the insanity and brutality of what all they've done over the years out of his blood system no matter what he tries. He can't even enjoy a good drink without thinking of the blood shed. Maybe it is time for him to finally go. He signs the papers and does just that.

We end with Charlie getting out of prison, Huck standing around with no real meaningful ending, Abby finally breaking down into tears because not only are they all not going to jail after their testimony was all redacted in order to charge Jake but Rosen is still super-dead, Mellie signing gun control as one of her first new measures and Olivia meeting Fitz on the sidewalk and doing the old romantic “Hi” thing that every writer has written at least once if they've ever done anything about romance (their, “You had me at hello,” moment). But the final shot is the most curious because it features two little black girls walking through the hall of presidential portraits and seeing Fitz's portrait which is of him behind a window (almost as weird as Obama bushes, but that one had some seriously hilarious symbolism). But then they turn a corner, walk a little farther only to stop and see a portrait of Olivia Pope in a dress that looks very similar to one that Shonda herself has worn before. Some fans have wondered about this ending and Shonda refuses to give the answer, but I think it's quite clear judging from Papa Pope's speech about power and her serving at the pleasure of white people, not to mention her having put two presidents into office and her own love affair with the oval, that this is a shot from far into the future, and she was, at one point, president.

You're A Villain

OK, so now that we're caught up with the recap, I have to say that I absolutely hated this ending. It wasn't satisfying in the least and fell into the trap-trend that I saw possibly developing years ago. First, to talk about the potential trend, I have to mention the wave of reboots. If you look back through some of my posts, I completely called the trend of reboots slowly drifting back into TV now that movies were inundated with them. For certain, if you aren't a cinema/entertainment history buff, you should know that TV often follows the trends set by film, lagging behind by about eight years give or take. Had we seen a few reboots of old shows in the 90s? Sure. But not like what we have seen in the last 15 years with everything from Roseanne to 90210 to Dynasty and Dallas returning to our airwaves in some form or fashion. We are getting reboots and remakes at an alarming rate in a medium that must feed on new ideas in order to thrive. We're also realizing that the actors and actresses we absolutely loved on past series have found hard times after such big success earlier in their careers, leading many of them to be open to come back and retread familiar characters even after saying adieu to them so long ago. And no, hard times doesn't necessarily mean monetary-wise but can be just getting good roles again. So with this, I predicted about two years ago (unfortunately, I don't think it made it on to this blog, so if this is the first time you're reading it, remember where you heard it from) that some popular series of today would start writing series finales that leave a wide berth of story lines and characters to play with for possible reboot or “sequel series” considerations. This series finale completely smacks of that potential future nostalgia-pandering on both ABC and Shonda's behalf.

For starters, for the last two years I have maintained that Olivia was, in fact, the actual villain of the show. Thankfully, she said as much on the penultimate episode. I called that she was a villain after seeing the abortion episode. But note that it was not the act of having the abortion that made her a villain, rather the actions leading up to and beyond it and the way she went about everything in her life at that time that made her the villain. This also marked the show's long-gestating but finally completed transformation into something almost wholly different from what it started as. No, the show did not start as a political spy thriller, which it became in later seasons, but more as a romance/law show. It's crazy to think that while the political theater was always there, Olivia did more lawyering than politics: she helped people escape bad situations, defended the innocent, advocated for proper law and due process, and could try a case in the court of public opinion which would lead to their never being a trial. She and her group found evidence on people that no one else bothered to find, they helped stop terrorist plots and made good on promises to clients who they saw as good and decent people in a bad situation. The White House's role was more as a tool by which Pope could wield clout and get things done for her clients, rather than something she desired so that she could shape the world.

Remember This? Back When We Were All Shipping Olitz and Thinking Side-Chickdom Might Not Be That Bad?

But as the show grew more political in story-line (not in tone. In tone, it was always addressing the social justice issues of today and kicking butt doing it), it shifted away from romance and went full steam with plots focused solely on the white house, even dropping the weekly cases of innocent people in need of help—I think they only had two of those this entire season, if I'm counting correctly and that's even after Quinn took over at OPA.

I said all of that to say that the shift in tone is what allowed the writers to be so lax in writing the finale and have it be perfectly setup for a reboot. See, now they can reboot the show either as the political drama it ended as or as the romance it started as, using the “hi” moment as a jumping-off point for future storytelling involving Liv and Fitz. But I also mentioned the change in the show to highlight the change in Olivia's character from good guy to bad guy, and suggest that the show should have concluded the way I have been suggesting for the last two years: either Olivia Pope dies or she falls on her sword for everyone and is imprisoned for life. We usually demand villains be punished in some way to make a satisfying ending for we viewers. Either that or everything goes back to happy-go-lucky times to give the viewers a happy ending. But I'd contend that Scandal askew-ed both in favor of an ambiguous ending that, again, allows for future stories to go anywhere.

On a show that was not shy about killing off its guest, main and recurring characters, none of the main players died in the finale after doing the most dirt through the seven-season run. Huck, Jake and Eli (as well as the gay secret service dude who killed the president's son) were all known killers throughout the duration of the show over its 11-year span of time, yet they all lived at the end. We also had Charlie and Quinn live happily ever after. Cyrus, the mastermind and right-hand to two presidents, who often communicated with his B6-13 cohorts openly and honestly about whom to kill, got to walk away without a single scratch to tarnish his legacy. The only important person who died was David Rosen, a good guy but someone whose death was, strangely, not felt as much as it probably should have been. Essentially, everybody who did crime and who did the most dirt got away, lived to see another day and lived through the BS. “We all did a bunch of bad stuff and nothing happened.”

The show started as a lovesick woman trying to atone for her past sins (rigging the election) by doing as much good for people that she could while using her White House influence to the people's advantage. But the worst thing is that the series and its finale never fully make this atonement. Yes, B6-13, the long-tentacled Hydra that controlled the government, is gone, but what of the rest of the crimes committed outside of their purview?

Even more troubling than the fact that everyone lived was that we still didn't get that great of an end to the romance. Some can argue that Liv's speech about making love to Fitz answered that question, but did it? Because to me that seemed like an everyday speech they'd make to each other. It wasn't memorable and wasn't a declaration of some higher level of feeling, it was just in the moment. It was far from Fitz's “Slave to you” speech in season 3(?), far from the stand in the sun speech, far from him begging to go to Vermont with her. And as far as it being a “You had me at Hello,” moment, even that Jerry Maguire speech was preceded by Jerry's/Tom Cruise's brilliant commitment plea to her. He had finally decided after all the back and forth that he was in. Here, I feel like they could probably break up the next week.

We Shoulda Known This Was A Different Show When She Went From White Coat to Dominatrix Carmen San Diego

If I'm thinking about it, the same goes for the entire OPA family. Olivia's relationship with the others didn't feel restored to what it once was or even to what it was midway through the season. She still very much seemed lost and without a home at the end of the season, similar to how she found Quinn at the beginning of the series. It would have been great if that was the poetic note to be gotten from the show, but their switch in roles wasn't stressed enough for me throughout the series because Quinn never became white-hat good and strong. Just a few weeks ago she was going to kill Liv. And though we know where Quinn and Charlie are destined, what of everyone else? Will Mellie have her Olivia Pope-esque affair with her own younger black confidante in the one guy (you know, what's his name) or is that done? What about Abby? Where does she go from here after David's death? And why did Huck have that none-ending ending where all he did was basically stand in the background while everyone else got to emote about love, loss, doing the right thing or entering into a new chapter in their lives?

Ultimately, a good series finale is supposed to try to tie up loose ends about the fans' favorite characters. Yes, we know that the characters will probably continue on in their lives in the fictional worlds created by the show's creators, writers and producers, but finales are supposed to feel like the ending chapter in a very long but enjoyable book. But with the amount of loose ends left untied, this felt more like a run-of-the-mill season finale rather than a series finale. And it seemed quite clear from the ending that Shonda is open to revisiting it probably within the next 8-12 years, if only because of how I originally thought the series could end after viewing that electrifying first season way back in 2012: Olivia Pope becomes president. Fitz would be the first man, OPA would still be around and so would Mellie. And Cyrus, after maybe growing used to killing, would decide to resurrect B6-13 out of seeing a need for the organization in the country. And frankly, if this current trend of rebooting TV continues, and Kerry Washington is exposed to the world of so-so roles for actresses (though, the industry is changing and I think she won't have problems finding work, especially now that she's partnering to produce a TV adaptation of Celeste Ng's Little Fires Everywhere), she might be glad to come back and do a 13-episode-a-year season for a few seasons. Most certainly everyone else will want to, maybe with the exception of Cyrus. Outside of him, these are the best roles that any of these actors and actresses have ever played.

As a season finale of a show that will go on an “extended hiatus” for maybe a full three presidential terms, it's fine. But as a series finale like what it purports to be, it, without conflation or exaggeration, is literally in my top five shows that had the worst series finale ever. I should mention that I, unlike most people (apparently) think that Seinfeld still holds the place as the greatest series finale ever when you consider the entirety of the show and the rich silliness of the characters. Them going to prison for not helping a citizen being robbed was the most ironic (and thus, fitting) end to a group of people who lived their lives by trying to slip, cheat and obfuscate the system, and unintentionally doing some of the most infuriating things ever. They were regular people but also terrible regular people which is what made it so great for them to be imprisoned for being the regular people they were. They rarely ever tried to be good people, they just didn't want to be bad. I still contend that it was genius, and that it was able to bring back all of our favorite characters in the series in one of the least contrived or overly done (so many wedding finales) that we, to date, have ever seen. The end to Scandal should be considered a partial scandal in itself, because it definitely needed some fixing.

Either She Was President Or They Credit Her As A Founding Mother Of The New B6-13-less Republic

What do you think? Did you watch the Scandal finale? Did you like it? If you did, why? What were your favorite parts? Where do you think the characters will go? What do you think of the meaning behind the last shot? And would you be down to see Scandal get rebooted a few years down the line? Let me know in the comments below.

Check out my 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. Seasons 1, 2 and 3 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected here for updates on season 4 coming summer 2018. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series Extraordinary on Amazon. Season 2 of that coming real soon. And look for the mystery novels The Knowledge of Fear #KnowFear and The Man on the Roof #TMOTR coming summer. Twisty novels as good as Gone Girl or The Girl on the Train, you won’t want to miss them. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, “Well, well, lovers of liberty. You've hung in there for six years and seven twisty, good, OMG seasons. Now, maybe it's time for you—”

'Wait, did we not kill Sally Langston either? And after she got away with killing her husband?'

“We should call somebody about this.”

'Command?'

“That'll work. Wait, what's his number?”

'Don't worry. It's been handled.'

P.S. Wow! Everybody got to live. This is literally the reverse of Hamlet. I have to hand it to Shonda, she said she'd only have the show run for seven seasons, and she kept her word, even though it didn't quite satisfy all the cravings. Even though I didn't like the last two and a half seasons, I stuck it out (I usually do once I commit to a show. Can't wait to finally break up with Grey's and Once Upon a Time some day), and you tried your best to deliver. And sometimes your best is all that someone can ask for. Well done!

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Thank God I'm Not Related #TheFamily #ABC #3WeekRoundUp

Thank God I'm Not Related #TheFamily #ABC #3WeekRoundUp

Picture courtesy of ABC

Uggghhhh! Ohhh myyy gahhhh! This show is so tedious. So, I know that I've been back for a few weeks now, but even in that time I haven't gotten back to the regular entertainment stuff, talking about TV, movies and books (#ANewLow coming soon; season 2 of #TheWriter coming this summer), but that's because I've been focused on the gardening stuff because food is really important. Also, the entertainment I've been seeing is just so... (sigh!) I don't know what to say. Frankly, a lot of the shows have really ticked me off as of late. 

To start:

The X-Files reboot/continuation(?) was so disappointing and bad that it felt like Marlon Wayans or the Farrelly Brothers wrote it as a parody series. The comedy: far over-the-top from the original; the acting: (I'm looking at you David Duchovny) completely phoned--no, texted in; and I am flabbergasted at how a six-episode season could still manage to have at least one filler episode. That were-lizard thing? What da hell was dat was? Admittedly, I feel ashamed that I actually liked that episode. To top it all off, the ending was a big middle finger to the fans. Nay, it was a multi-million dollar Rick-rolling perpetrated by FOX.

I'm Hiding My Disdain For Being Here Behind These Sunglasses

I thoroughly enjoyed Galavant, but it has such little hope of coming back for another season or ever being anything other than a cutesy little show in January that it's hard to support.

American Idol has very decent, eclectic talent this year but the producers and network have decided to rush it so much that it's hard to immerse myself in the excitement it once used to bring in its hay day. With the exception of Clarkson's emotional Piece by Piece, I haven't found a memorable season-making moment, hence why this is its last season (I hadn't seen it in at least three seasons). Sad. I thought it would be bigger.

Limitless has become heavily so-so from episode to episode. Same goes for Grey's Anatomy (#GreysAnatomy). And speaking of Shondaland, I am a big fan of her but lately I've been getting really irked by her shows and her comments on her shows. As I said way back at the beginning of the season, Grey's Anatomy was never fully about Meredith. It was a love story about finding one's tribe, rather than finding one's self. The whole ultra-feminist tone it has taken where every week it is about the feminist cause does not fit what the show used to be. I am still DVRing the show, but I haven't watched in weeks.

How to get away with murder (#HTGAWM) has still been quite good. But if any show of Shonda's was built for femininity and woman power, it was Scandal. I knew that from the first season pre-premiere advertisements, then realized it would have a love story. But even knowing that, I feel... It's hard to describe. I feel like this show has lost its way so much, that I can't see it getting back to greatness, doomed instead to limp to its ultimate series finale where a woman is made president (Shonda said she already had an ending in mind when she started the show; I guessed that this would be it, and it would probably be Mellie, especially after that ill-advised #ImWithHer Hillary Clinton commercial. Again, I am not going to say I support any candidate, but I will say that having the spokesperson/main character/actor of a show make a campaign commercial like that can alienate a fanbase that disagrees). 

The epitome of this loss in direction came from the comments from Shonda herself when asked about Olivia's shocking and rather off-putting winter finale abortion. When asked when Fitz would find out and how it would effect their relationship, she responded, and I'm paraphrasing, "Does he have to?" What? Putting aside the fact that Shonda has literally used abortion as part of the "strong/independent/feminist" trope in every one of her shows (Yang got rid of her baby with Owen, Private Practice talked about it ad nauseam), it's just lazy writing to suggest that this issue will never come back up. If it's a non-starter, then why show it to us? Writing 101 teaches us to only put in what is needed unless in the case of satire, irony or sarcasm. It really does nothing more than allow us to hate or at least strongly dislike this powerful, independent black woman, especially if it was meant as a character-building/defining moment. What's she done? Broken up a marriage because she thought she was in love, helped rig a presidency, helped to get countless friends murdered, helped to cover up murders, allowed herself to be pawned in death games she has always come out unscratched in, dumped the guy she thought she was in love with because it inconvenienced her to have the responsibilities of real love and aborted his baby. She started as a white hat. She's now nothing more than the epitome of a (here comes the hate and backlash) black bitch--yeah, I went there. And I don't even like the term and know how offensive it is, but am shocked to see how well it fits. At least when other shows do it, we know we're supposed to loathe a certain character, but are we still supposed to like her and root for her, because that's how it was posed to us at the beginning of the show. As an aside, in a review of the first season of The Writer (#TheWriter) the reviewer said that he didn't feel sorry for the titular character, however, I never made it a point to try to force the reader to feel a certain emotion about the character. That's where this differs. She was billed almost as an angel, a savior of complicated people who would still be suspected terrorists, disgraced lawyers, battered wives or stuck in a hole without her. And now, well, she's "on her own journey," ~Shonda's words.

There's also the NBC shows, mainly You, Me and the Apocalypse which... (sigh). Man, I've sighed way too much writing this. I might have to write another post for that show even though it's far past the #3WeekRoundUp phase.

Fox threw Lucifer at us. I knew the Devil was a lie but I didn't know he was more boring than Grandma Beatrice who does nothing all day but take eucalyptus baths, talk about her stories, smoke menthols and refuses to take off her raggedy gray wig she bought in '92 because she swear up and down it make her look like Aretha Franklin. That raggedy dead cat on yo' head don't make you look like no Aretha Franklin! I digress. The only two really good shows oddly enough both have the words American and Crime in them. American Crime Story: The People Vs. OJ Simpson and American Crime, with the exception of the latter's finale, have been exceptional. I don't know what the heck that American Crime finale was. Hectic, directionless and nearly subverting the entire season. Still, I expect both of them to be competing in the best dramas Emmy/Golden Globes categories next season, because anything else would be a crime in itself. Yes, that was easy wordplay. What, was I not supposed to take that chance? You should know me by now.

And then there's this show. Wait, did I seriously spend that much time talking about all the other shows before even getting to this one? And I wasted a second sentence pointing that out? Wow! I must really not like this. Yes. That is correct. To start, multiple people on multiple sites have commented that this show is based on or similar to the real-life story of some French man named Adam who pretended to be a lost/kidnapped boy who had been missing for over a decade. Not only was he not the kid, he was considerably older than the kid as he was a young-looking fully grown man. Admittedly, I wrote a book a little similar to this premise which I haven't yet released, but trust me it is not this and that is not clouding my judgment.

The premise: a boy goes missing and, after ten years of being gone, presumed kidnapped and dead, he returns alive. While the family is glad he's back, not everything is sweet roses. Not only has a lot of drama happened concerning his case--his previously jailed kidnapper is released a few days after he arrives back home--he has come back different, and not just the expected different. Through the first three episodes, it is shown that many of the things he supposedly remembers as a child have been studied, learned either from repetitious rote-memory, practicing of past mannerisms and speech cadence (he studies a video of how he used to talk at one of his birthdays), or through keen observation of photos. He really knows nothing about who he used to be or what his family was truly like outside of reports. Sounds good and involved, right? Spuuuth (that's me blowing wind and spittle through my lips like a spoiled child)!

OK, I must first get the elephant out of the way (by the way, did anybody see that adorable clip of that pink albino baby elephant? I'll see if I can find the vid for you) and say that while I want to support black actors and actresses as much as possible, the woman they got to play the role of the lead detective is just not very good. Frankly, I want to see everyone in the entertainment industry do as well as they possibly can because I want good entertainment and I don't like putting people down when it's not that good. But nothing about her character rings true. For one, she's too young. Yes, Adam's case propelled her to the detective position, however, that was ten years ago when she was still in her mid-to-late 20s. She should at least look in her mid-30s. She looks 20 and not an older-looking 20 but a Hollywood 20. You know, the kind that studios cast as teenagers or college-age kids. If you slapped one of those cheap blue policewoman's sexy Halloween costumes on her, you would think she just came from a Frat party. And if that isn't bad enough, there's little authenticity in the way she acts. Every line came off as a line: forced and sometimes cringe-worthy.

Quick! Which One Of Us Was A Teenager 10 Years Ago?

The partial failure of her character lies within the hands of the writers. On the first episode she sits to have a meeting/interview with him and the family as the case has now been reopened and they need to catch this kidnapper. Well, as she asks "Adam" about what he remembers surrounding his captivity, he tells the story of a tiny room that the man used to molest him in--a detail his mother definitely didn't want or need to know in great gratuity. During that, he mentioned that he saw a dragon that would breathe fire at him.

At this point you're probably nodding or waffling your head side to side, saying, "So? Sounds reasonable." It does, doesn't it? An eight or nine-year-old boy seeing a dragon. They'd know what a dragon looked like, some by that time can even draw a pretty decent dragon. Naturally my first thought, as I'm assuming (I know, really bad to do but I have to do it here) would be most people's first thought is that the boy was talking about a ceiling painting, poster or even a tattoo on the man's back. But noooo! Somehow this eight or nine-year-old knows deeply about symbolism and metaphors and, as far as the detective knows, has constructed this dragon metaphor in place of what he really meant to say. He really meant some smoke stacks that came from a refinery or mine or something deep in the forest that glows red in the evening. Whaaaat? Yeah, that was my reaction. I still don't know what offended me more: the fact that she never bothered to look for a place that had a real dragon painted or posted in a room or the fact that the writers totally went with this and allowed her to find the supposed kidnappers hovel in the woods precisely where the metaphor led her. In either case, this has now set up the notion that anything said or done by either the boy or anyone else not only can but should be viewed as a metaphor. If the boy tells them that the guy smelled like manure, instead of it cluing them into him working on a farm is it going to mean that he is actually a bomb maker that uses the nitrogen in fertilizers to work for a local terror organization? You see the leap in logic? Ridiculous.

The Accused Kidnapper, Not The Real One

Then we have the stuff about the rest of the family. The mom is running for governor, the dad is a best-selling author who wrote a book about dealing with the grief of losing his son. He's also a philandering depressive lay-about that was sleeping with the cop. Listen, I knew that the father and the young cop had an affair but the scene in which they have sex in the interrogation room when anybody could walk in or peep through the blinds or maybe even look at the video that so many IR's have these days was too much. Not only that, but there was so little passion in it and they have zero chemistry that it felt forced to the nth degree. The druggie/drunkard brother is the only one suspicious of this boy, and the sister manages her mother's campaign. She also blames herself and her bigger brother for losing Adam as she was supposed to be watching him when he disappeared. She was an irresponsible teen, yadda yadda yadda, now she's a conniving adult. Though, through the structure of the story--a borrowed and oft-used trope from Lost, the show is told in both current and flashback segments (I know, Lost didn't invent it but still)--she is shown to have plotted with her father to frame the creepy neighbor who went down for the boy's kidnapping/murder. Why she's that demented has yet to be revealed but suffice it to say that she's the most interesting character on the show, even though you would expect it to be our big star. 

Red Rover, Red Rover...Wait, Nevermind

That's right the mother, played by Joan Allen of... well, Joan Allen fame (I ain't got time. Check her stats!), up until three episodes in has been mostly useless character-wise. There was some vim and raucousness from her in the third episode where she went off-script during an interview about getting back to the campaign trail after Adam's return, but much of that has sizzled. The show seems to have billed her as the one we are to root for, but even as the doe in the headlights, she fails to garner real sympathy in both the present and the flashbacks. Even as her emotional matrix widens, she feels more political and cold in her home with her family than she does out in the public. Isn't she grieving? Or is she even happy her son has returned? In seeing tons of local (remember, Ohioan here) and national coverage of the Amanda Berry, the other two and Ariel Castro's story, the parents were always near deafening tears to learn that they're daughter was home. I know, the case of Berry is different, but still I can't help to think that the parents' reaction would be much closer to a roller coaster heart drop than the sorta Annie Hall "La-Di-Da" that we've been getting.

After all of that, this is so incredibly hard for me but I'm going to have to give it a D. Yikes!! Like I said, I hate being critical of anyone else's work because I know first hand just how hard the creative process is, but this isn't good... so far. Maybe it'll get better as the show builds and the mysteries deepen, however, I'm not sure that the strangeness of the creeper and suspected kidnapper lurking through the scenes of the show will keep you wanting more each week. Yes, it does bring up the question of who the boy really is and if he's telling the truth, but the presence of the potential kidnapper coupled with the boy's sudden appearance actually makes you wonder more, "Wait, if the boy isn't Adam, but he was kidnapped and molested by this man, then why would he lie about who he was? Isn't that a good enough story on its own? What would he get from lying about who he is, if he truly is a victim?" The only possible answer that makes sense is that he was a child no one ever reported missing, thus was free to endure such torture and only lied because he thought no one would care otherwise. Or he was completely unrelated just like in the real-life case of the French guy, but then how would he know of the metaphorical dragon and the sex cave, unless the two are strangely unrelated.

I shouldn't have to say at this point if you should be watching or not. I think you already know my opinion on that. While ambitious, this show raises more eye-rolling production questions than gives answers to actual mysteries. It feels like a half-hearted effort from some of the industry vets and a futile attempt at brilliance from some of the younger actors trying to hone their craft. For the love of goodness, where is Secrets and Lies? At least that had Ryan Phillippe and Juliette Lewis.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh on this show? Have you even seen it? If so, do you like it or no? Will you keep watching? What's been your favorite part of the show so far? And who do you think the boy is? To me, he actually looks similar to the supposed kidnapper. Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind, #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "What do you mean Mark Watney's missing? It's seriously gonna take four years to get him back? Oh! Well... has anyone called dibs on his Bose system? I just wanna borrow it for four years. I'll give it back when he returns. So long as he doesn't come back all weird and... Johnny Depp-like. "

P.S. Did I make two space references to end this post that had nothing to do with space? Yeah, I did. I was looking for something that would pair well with the premise of the show: person being lost, person suspected dead actually being not dead, person coming back and being completely different. Frankly, I'm proud of myself, and you should be proud of me. I remembered that horrible Astronaut's Wife Depp movie that no one does. I'm givin' you people a gift.

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So Most Women Want To Be Mistresses? #Scandal #ABC #WinterFinale #WhatTheHellShonda

So Most Women Want To Be Mistresses? #Scandal #ABC #WinterFinale #WhatTheHellShonda

All pictures courtesy of ABC 

What the hell, Shonda (#WhatTheHellShonda). After a few days to digest and ruminate on the winter finale (#WinterFinale) of Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder (recap coming tomorrow or later today), I could only develop one question and not in the OMG-goodness kind of way. This episode was just... I don't even know how to explain it. Cringe-worthy? Check! Not what we anticipated? Sorta check! What we wanted to see? Hell no! But it did tie into my thoughts and theories I was going to write about in a few weeks. I'll write about it now while everyone still has yet to find their mind after losing it watching that episode.

Jake shot him in the head. Sweet Revenge!

To begin, I have to give Scandal (#Scandal) and Shonda some credit for not killing off their devil played by the black guy. Having already killed off not one but two black guys (sometimes we still miss you, Columbus Short; Russell, we hardly knew ye) it was refreshing to see one of them stay around and alive, even though his living is a disappointment fan-wise. The whole story with Rowan being kidnapped by Huck and sitting in some abandoned factory with him while they did nothing was such a let down that I had to rewind my DVR twice just to see that I hadn't missed something. You mean to tell me that Huck didn't even cut off a big toe? After all that he just drops him off back at home? And then Jake comes and goes inside to have Christmas dinner with him? What. The. Hell? Didn't this same dude try to have you both killed at one point? No, he isn't family no matter how much he's brainwashed you so why treat him this way. I mean, Caesar and Brutus were like brothers and even Brutus didn't have a problem plunging that knife into ol' dude's back (or front, I can't remember the specifics). The only possible satisfying end to his story that I can see is if Liv or her mother finally do him in.

Murray Christmas! 

Then there's the rest of the story. Spotlighting Mellie's struggle as a junior senator, while great, I think might have done a disservice in some ways to some viewers. Look, I'm a story/TV/movie/book junkie so I'll keep watching something usually until the wheels fall off (I don't like not finishing things I've started), but I know tons of people don't like politics in their show even when it's a show about politics. Mellie's filibustering for the non-discretionary funding of Planned Parenthood is current and moving but I didn't feel like it shed a great light on modern feminism, at least when it concerned the rest of the show. First off, there was little mention of the big issue surrounding the defunding even if it does only make up 3% of what Planned Parenthood does--abortions. It wasn't an impassioned speech about all the other things the organization does (something which would have actually benefited viewers who don't know) and when that very topic is brought up we get a cut-away to something else. That, coupled with Liv's turn at the end, made it feel like the whole recent Planned Parenthood brouhaha was "totally about abortion" even though everyone said and the producers probably even agree that "it had nothing to do with abortion." Was anyone else confused?

As expected, because Liv saw Mellie's stand as one of female empowerment, and because she was bored to tears with her one-week stay in the White House, she tries helping her once adversary to remain on the floor so the budget wouldn't be passed by midnight. Mellie does succeed but I wonder at what cost to her political career going forward. She's not an old head here, she doesn't have any allies from what they've shown so far (at least not in the senate), there are tons of burned bridges left in ruin between her and her husband's staff and she just called every congress member out on their own BS funding. While she's made a name for herself to the public, inside Congress where it matters she's basically done nothing to ingratiate herself into a clique, and sadly, cliques are how things get done in Washington.

Side note: Is red the only color Mellie can wear anymore? Literally almost every week she's in red. 

Now, to move on to the most heart-wrenching part of the episode, Liv and Fitz. Where do I begin? To start, Liv has only been living in the White House for a few days, or weeks at the most. The previous episode where Fitz had her stuff moved in also had the Christmas tree up already so it's gotta be somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yet, even in that short amount of time she's shown as bored, mopey and disdainful for everything about being there. She hasn't even given herself or the situation time to settle. The countless holiday parties are getting to her as she reacts almost as bad to being asked about a cookie recipe as she did when she learned of her father's involvement with B6-13. What unrighteousness is this to have to engage in seasonal chit-chat with another woman, as if the men are constantly talking about the most important things ever. I got news for you people, the people who talk the most about politics and what needs to happen in this country are actually political pundits, not politicians unless they're being called onto a talk show. Why do you think nothing ever really gets done in D.C.? You think that people so obsessed with their jobs would take so many vacations or "recesses" from voting or would have time to make small talk about their March Madness brackets, or try to crack jokes about each other at those correspondents' dinners? Hell no! There's other stuff to do and talk about all the time. Yet, Liv doesn't see it this way.

Falling into the duties of a housewife, Olivia sees to more Christmas decorations, makes sure she gets those cookies to that lady and spends much of her time doing absolutely nothing but watching Mellie do the pee-dance on live television. It's become painfully apparent that the world truly doesn't revolve around her. Mind-blowing! In her boredom does she call her office to see if they have a case? No. What about seeing where Huck is or where her father is? Nope. Instead she wallows, briefly pulling her self from the self-imposed muck to help Mellie.

Forget the months I took off work to do nothing multiple times, I've been here a few weeks and I'm already going crazy.

Finally, when she is to be with Fitz at another dinner that night, she skips it to apparently have an abortion? What? Hold on, so she was pregnant with Fitz's baby, the love of her life's baby, the all-time great man Fitzgerald Grant's baby, the one who she enslaved with her... everything's baby and she gets rid of it? And without even telling him? Whoa! OK. As if that isn't shocking enough, and in-line with Mellie's story about Planned Parenthood and how, yes, the funding really is about abortion and nothing else that they saw fit to cover, she then comes home to have an argument with him.

Not just an argument, it's the argument. In the most side-eye inducing, side-chicky, narcissistic slut walk drivel ever, she expresses how she now feels trapped by him and that it's his fault, he's punishing her because she let out the man that killed his son; that she only got the good parts of him and not all of him before, and now that she sees all of who and what he is, she doesn't want it. Quite possibly the biggest sigh I've ever sighed escaped from my mouth. It's over. Their five season love affair is ended by a few weeks of actually having him, of actually living with him, of actually being his woman and he, her man. And she moves out of the White House and back into her place. And this is why I had my theory from literally episode three of this series. And this is why some people are so quick to blame gold-diggers and side chicks.

My theory has always been that Olivia Pope never (read: never ever ever) wanted to be the main woman. She does not want to be the wife, nor does she even want to be the only girlfriend. She always wanted to be and still wants to be the mistress. Now, I still enjoy viewing and discussing shows in common with my family members, mainly my mother. She could not fathom why a woman, especially of Liv's ilk, could want such a position. I explained just as Liv said in her speech that when you're the mistress you have it easier than the wife. You get the hot sex, you get spoiled and treated the way he used to treat his wife in the early days, you get his happy side. What you don't get our the expectations that come with being his wife, you possibly don't have to take care of his kids (every situation is different) and you don't get the back and forth nagging until the relationship is ready to end. Oh, but what about all the heartache and the pain and blah blah blah! All of that wraps itself up into passion. In other words, that not only becomes tolerated but welcomed because "that's how they know it's real." Since the man is doing something forbidden you know that you're getting the bad boy side of him and let's not act like the bad boy motif is something only found in books and never in real life.

I know, this is not only a longer post than usual, but it's probably pissing some long-time fans off, but know that this "love story" that the show has been billed as was never between Fitz and Liv. It was between Liv and the idea of being wanted uncontrollably by a man who can't fully have her. The fact that he is the president does not matter. Her job really does not matter. Yes, she spun it as some new age feminist BS (really, look back at the earlier feminists to compare and contrast) that no matter what she did, she'd lose her identity behind him. Because, you know, nobody even hears about Michelle Obama. I don't even think she's done anything with her husband's platform since he's been in office, right? God forbid that she claim stake on how she wants to be the first lady. Liv doesn't even bother to try to be different than those women before her, instead giving up because none of it is what she wants in the moment. And why? Because she's always wanted to be the mistress, be the one who is pined over, searched for, sought after, but never fully gotten. Their past break-ups were never her trying to spare his career or her own, but served only to keep him at arm's length whenever things got too close to being real. She doesn't want real, she wants fantasy.

People with sense. Real adults. People who are actually in love. Want me to go on?

Trust that they will probably write the character in a way that suggests she just "wasn't ready" for things with Fitz at the time, but that's not the real story. The truth--and here's what I've always expected to happen come the end of this series--is that she is not that white hatted person she so desperately wants to be. The truth is that she is just as ruthless as her father, even more so than her mother. The truth is that the only realistic end to the series is for her to end up not just without Fitz, not just alone, but unhappy because that is actually what she deserves. See, it's not just enough for her to be alone because being alone or single is no great punishment, but she has to be unhappy too. Why? Because she has flirted not just with Fitz, but with love personified far too often not to end up having "love" break her heart.

What do you think? I know there are plenty of fans out there who I'm sure disagree with a lot of what I said, so sound off if you're on both sides. Did you think that the fallback argument of blaming Fitz for this was good, or did it just make her look like a whiny baby? Were you just as shocked as I was about the abortion? Do you still want to see Olitz live to see Vermont? Or are you starting to lean toward my expected ending? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind, #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out now NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "when a rich man want ya, and your current man can't do nothin' for ya. Ohhh! These *** ain't loyal."

P.S. OK, admittedly the thoughts and lyrics from that great philosopher Chris Brown is taking it too far into misogyny. I apologize, but don't say that you didn't unexpected laugh when you realized, "is this fool quotin' Chris Brown? What the...?" I think of a better sign-off next time.

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