A
Joyous Skip Down The Yellow-Brick Road This Ain't #EmeraldCity
#Post-Mortem #Review #Recap
Sigh!
Well, this kinda thing seems to happen far too often these days, but
at least we give them a chance, right? So, we've reached the
mid-season/winter-season finale or spring-season premiere—hell, I
don't know what networks are really doing with all these mid and full
season finales—again. That means that outside of the awkward and
clunky sentences like above (I promise you far better sentences in my
books and other works, though, no promises!), we also are slated to
get a new crop of mid-season replacement shows here to keep us busy
with the TV watching and the obsessing and the complaining about how
terrible networks treat their fans and their shows. Doesn't that
sound like fun! Yahhh! (Howard Dean voice; hopefully my last
political reference for this season ending in May). So, amongst all
the new shows such as Taken, 24: Legacy, Training Day, blah blah
blah, we had what could have been the crown jewel Emerald City (see
what I did there?) that promised us one more heartfelt trip down that
yellow-brick road. But did it reach the heights of that sparkling
somewhere over the rainbow, or did it swirl and bluster and leave us
to feel trapped under a house—er, in the house for the winter.
Let's journey together to find out.
NBC's
Emerald City (#EmeraldCity) starred Adria Arjona as Dorothy Gale, our
whirlwinded-wanderer who only wants to find her way back home. I
commend them both for making the character older (a shrewd move so it
could have sexy parts) and for making the character Latina (something
I hate when they do just to fill a minority quota or something,
because if they make a white character non-white, they'll definitely
start making non-white characters white). Adria was a pretty good
choice looks-wise and did have a certain innocence quality to her as
a grown woman that could make the viewer feel for her at times.
However, much of that was undone and I'll tell you why later.
You
know the story, or at least you think you do but let me clear up a
few things for you here. Being an adult, Dorothy now is a nurse at a
local hospital. While I am still a little shifty on this, I think she
lived with her mother in a trailer, though she was also seen sleeping
at her Aunt's farmhouse as would be familiar. In any case, during a
big storm she must go to the trailer to check on her mom. Something
crazy has happened there and the place looks out of sorts. As the
storm comes, Dorothy goes back outside to find a cop holding her at
gunpoint thinking that she did something suspicious. The cop's dog
also gets involved. There's some action-y stuff that goes on and
somehow Dorothy winds up in the cop's car along with the dog. Do we
see a big whirlwind taking them into the sky? No. We see the wind
surround the car, a few close-ups I guess for low-budget TV purposes
(though it came on a major network, so...) and boom! The tornado
spits her out into the great land where blue birds fly. Disclaimer: I
saw not one blue bird in the entire series. Rather than the house
landing on the witch, the car plows through her and, thusly, our
story is born.
Take Our Land But You Shall Never Take Our Free--Oh, you're taking that too? |
Before
I go further, let me inject a big disclaimer here as this will
undoubtedly come up later. L. Frank Baum, as many know, originally
wrote a full series of books surrounding Oz. They were, essentially,
the Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter of his day and
he worked his butt off to promote them. However, we all know that the
most memorable two are The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Dorothy
and the Wizard of Oz which were squished together to make the
classic 1939 film version starring Judy Garland. There, however, were
seven or nine books or more but I haven't the energy to properly
research (I'm flogging myself for being too busy and too lazy). Each
book detailed another part of Oz's story and all the goings-on in
this mythical land. Well, there may be a reason why many of those
stories never made it to the big screen or TV in a meaningful way,
and why the original movie is so beloved.
Also,
I mention this because while the books have been out for over 100
years, sad to say that I don't believe many people have read the
series in its entirety, and most only remember the Judy Garland film
and more recently the Sam Raimi-directed, James Franco-starring Oz
the Great and Powerful. Therefore, certain characters that might
first appear familiar to viewers really are not familiar at all. If
you're only familiar with the film, you'll say that they changed a
lot and probably not in a good way. Even if you're familiar with all
the books you still might not find the show's interwoven stories
reminiscent of what's on the page. But this is what they gave us so
this is what we shall go with. From here on out, I will do most of my
references through the lens of someone who expected to see a
different telling of the familiar story as seen in the 1939 film and
not the books, while peppering in some truths only the readers would
know. Got it? Good.
Back
to the non-little-people village of Braveheart wannabes. The fat guy
hails her as a pseudo-hero for having killed the witch, then quickly
half-turns on her because as he and everyone in this land knows,
“Only a witch can kill a witch.” But she insists she isn't a
witch so he takes her to some cave where there are a ton of witches
trapped in a strange tar bog dying a slow death. He rambles needed
exposition (always forgivable this early in a show or movie) telling
her all about how this land is one of magic but magic is outlawed and
it could've gotten her home. There are witches but they no longer do
anything because the land is under rule of the great and powerful
(wait for it)... Wizard of Oz. Ta-dah!
The Wizard and his Blue-Bonnet Servant Girls |
And
we're all like, “what?” Yes, we know the wizard doesn't really
have powers from all the different iterations, save for that strange
The Wiz live one where Queen Latifah looked like Benico Del
Toro in Guardians of the Galaxy. Yet, somehow, he was able to
(un)magically get these giant stone soldiers to move around the city
and guard the lands from what was known as The Beast Forever, which
the show totally shoots itself in the foot over at the end. Like a
baby with an over-flowing poop-filled diaper who has been running
around the entire house unchecked for 30 minutes, it's a mess!
(Tangent: Did everyone see that video where the reporter is talking
live and his kids come in and then his wife frantically runs in?
#JoysofParenting). Now, for whatever reason he has outlawed the use
of magic after thinking that it somehow led to or attracted the Beast
Forever and the witches' magic proved useless during the attack. The
tar pit with all the witches in it has some skinless red guy growing
in a tree along with Fat Braveheart's wife who was put there for
being a witch. Oddly, she was put their by a witch, the very one and
the same that gave Dorothy such a headache in the film.
The
Wizard is played by fan-favorite Vincent D'Onofrio who seems to have
gained back every pound he lost when he trimmed down for that last
Jurassic World film (not mad at him. Get yo' grub on, playa!). What
does offend me is that outrageous wig that is so clearly a wig it
deserves a spot in the hall of fame next to that cheap rug worn by
Chevy Chase's uncle in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. No
curtain behind which to hide, he's the frightened leader of Oz who
rules with iron fist after having a pathetic life back home in
Kansas. His back story: he was one of the four scientists working on
a storm-cloud science machine. The grunt of the group, he saw to it
that the machine they had to make storms (yes, you heard that right)
didn't go out of control. It did and it sent him and two other female
scientists to the land of Oz. When first he arrives he encounters Fat
Braveheart and his wife. The guy's witchy woman does magic while he's
teaching the kids science and he gets pug-faced and upset. But there
are hints all over the place in this scene and throughout that
foreshadow what really happened, so long as you're paying attention.
Also
living in the city under his rule is the Wicked Witch of the West, or
rather Mistress of the West, or more aptly, Crackhead
Non-threatening Hoe-house Madam of the West. Harpo, who dis lady?
Played by the eccentrically gorgeous Ana Ularu, West, as she is
called, never lives up to any of the pictures we've all formed in our
head of the Wicked Witch. She's not green yet, which, if this was
supposed to be a prequel story, you can understand. But she also
never comes off as all that menacing. The way her character is
written and directed has her trying to be sly, but not devil-sly, so
she never creeps you out like an oily snake. Her drug use and nagging
to and about the Wizard unfortunately (and boy will this sound
sexist) comes off more as a nagging wife, an Al and Peggy for a
magical realm, rather than true hatred. She oddly does more helping
of every pseudo-protagonist in the realm than hurting, and the only
thing frightening about her is her lack of true sinister appetites.
As
said, she runs a brothel frequented by the Wizard, yet supposedly
hates his guts because he not only ordered no more magic, but has a
stone soldier positioned over the witches' sacred temple in the center of
town, ready to destroy it on command. She blames him for the
destruction of so many witches and the fact that not her nor any of
her sisters can bare children. He also was responsible, supposedly,
for her mother's death. With him frequenting her sin den, it makes
you wonder why she hasn't simply killed him already. There truly is
nothing stopping her from doing that. Yes, the people, who hail him
as hero would revolt but... uh... they don't have magic, so...? The
only reason I could truly come up with for her living in the city and
doing nothing to this man she truly hated was the one that the show
either wasn't brave enough to do or never saw it as a possibility,
which was that the two of them were, at some point, sleeping together
and she still had feelings for him or something, or they loved to get
high together. Again, why has she not killed this man and is living
in the city alongside him? Why?
This
fact and theory is made even more painfully obvious when, in the
finale, she raises most of the witches in the tar bog in order to
fight the Wizard and retake the kingdom, but I'm getting ahead of
myself.
Now
that I think about it, all of my biggest disappointments with the
show came from the witches. Glinda, the Good Witch was, in no way,
shape or form a good witch. Played by veteran actress Joely
Richardson of Nip/Tuck fame, if you ask me she is the real Wicked
Witch. For starters, her crackhead sister is really only there to
serve: serve the Wizard, semi-serve Glinda, service the men and women
of the town with sexual deviance. Glinda, on the other hand, is her
own woman. While she also gifts the Wizard with many orphaned
servants that look like blue flying nuns, she also is the partial
catalyst for one of the bigger secondary plots. She is also trying to
kill the Wizard and reclaim witch dominance and has an actual plan to
do it, as opposed to her sister who just lies about and luckily has a
plan fall into her lap in the last two episodes of the 10-episode
mini-run. More on Glinda and her wickedness later as I have to give
you some plot and catch you up to her deception.
But Where the Brick At Dough? |
Back
to Dorothy, Fat Braveheart tells her that the Wizard could maybe get
her home so she should go see him and follow this DIRT road that is
covered over with the shed, yellow blossoms or pollen from poppy
plants. Along the way she meets a man hanging up in a field
crucifixion-style, tarred down and with a crow sitting atop him. Our
“scarecrow,” or at least that is how viewers may see him,
surprisingly has no memory of who he is, and has cuts and bruises all
over him beneath the tar. Played by Oliver Jackson-Cohen, who, given
the right part should make a fine leading man, the scarecrow, or
Lucas, immediately bonds with Dorothy once she bothers to take
him down from the cross. But as soon as they are each freed, the
Wicked Witch of the West pops up to agitate. Surprise, she survived
that car hit.
Which of these three women looks like she slays every day? |
The
best designed character on the show (we're talking, she slays like
Beyonce), the Wicked Witch of the West is still alive and, as it
turns out, she controls the weather with some ruby and gold gloves.
Dorothy, who left the police car not only with a gun from the car but
with the cop's dog who Fat Braveheart named Toto because that's the
indigenous word for dog there, points her gun at the woman. The witch
quickly takes it and wonders how it works and what it does. In the
most ignant (not ignorant, because that word is too good for it),
ignant (double ignants? Oh boy!) move I've seen so far this year, the
witch turns the gun to herself and curiously pulls the trigger and
blows her own brains out under Dorothy's direction. Thusly, a witch
kills a witch. Then, Dorothy magically gets the golden gloves, which
go invisible on her hands and only pop up through the serious at the
most convenient times as Dorothy has no power over them for much of
the series. Her and Lucas go merrily down the road to Oz to see the
wizard for a new brain—er, his memory back, and to get home.
Finally,
along the way they run into a house where is kept a boy locked away
by magic. Way on the outskirts of the city, an old witch is keeping
this young Indian (at least the actress looks Indian to me) boy
trapped in a house whose door is a thicket of dead bushes that only
opens at magic's command. Tip played by newcomer Jordan Loughran, has
a friend outside of the house that runs to him and talks with him
about escaping. Tip's friend, Jack played by Gerran Howell looks like
a nervous lot whose background is mostly unknown, dubious at best. He
plans to hack at the bushes to somehow free his friend, until Dorothy
and Lucas come along.
The
unfriendly witch keeping Tip prisoner caves to Dorothy and Lucas'
pleas of help and food and all that jazz. She begrudgingly lets them
into her house where they discover she is keeping Tip as prisoner.
And, are you ready for this because here is where the story gets
crazy, in an act of heroism, they beat the witch to death after
trying to poison her. They all escape into the wild where Tip tells
them of how the woman would constantly make her drink this strange
elixir everyday which she thought made her weak or something as she
looked small, thin and frail. Tip and Jack part ways with Dorothy and
Lucas and are left on their own in the woods for the night.
Jack on the left and Tip on the right, being Just One of The Guys |
Got
the characters? Good, because from there, it kind of slows into
nothing much. Again, I know how difficult it is to keep a series
going and make it interesting and move it along, but once you have
the basics of the main characters, you are left too much time
wondering why they're wandering for so long. Dorothy and Lucas
encounter a young witch girl that can turn people to stone or make
stone crumble. She gravitates to Lucas for reasons unknown until all
three end up in the clutches (read: helping hands) of West who,
instead of killing Dorothy for revenge against her dead sister takes
all three into a strange dream state to help Lucas remember what
happened. He remembers that he was part of the Wizard's guard, had
been secretly smuggling young new witches for Glinda and had nearly
slaughtered the guards that got in his way. West realizes that not
only has Glinda been lying to her, but that their mother, the only
witch that could ever birth a witch and who had given birth to over
thousands of witches (total Holland Tunnel down there) is still
alive. Now she's more pissed with even less of a plan as she still
doesn't see her sister about joining a rebellion against the wizard.
Yeah, It's The Sexy Times!! |
Not
entirely true, he seeks to make guns and commissions the king to do
it, but the king dies from the little girl who can turn people to
stone right before her and Dorothy leave. Now, the King's daughter
and owner of the tin man is queen. Her quirk: she wears hundreds of
different expensive masks to hide her face from the world. Why? Is
she ugly? No. As we find out later on the finale, she is actually a
robot. The king's real daughter died long ago and the king wanted a
robot of his daughter (because forget his wife and son) and
commissioned the white scientist lady (the same who patched up
Jack/Tin man) to make a mask for her to hide her never-aging face, to
which I was like, Why not just make a new flesh-like face that showed
some age? But whatevs!
This Little Girl was the Best Part of the Show |
The
Wizard wants to use those guns to kill the witches because he heard
that she was killed by a gun, not knowing that she shot herself. It
all becomes tedious and murky when Dorothy, Lucas and the little girl
arrive to Glinda's and the good witch kisses the would-be scarecrow
to break her own forgetfulness spell, and reveal that they were
lovers, and he was transporting those little girls for her as he
secretly worked on the rebellion. But once she realizes that Dorothy
is in love with her man, Glinda orders that Lucas kill Dorothy
because, you know, jealousy and stuff—all the trappings of a good
witch. But Dorothy tries to kill her with some white sheets, escapes
the white witch castle and is back on her way to Fat Braveheart's
village after finally realizing something: The Wizard had no magic to
move those stone warrior men throughout the kingdom, but Braveheart's
wife did. So she wants him to help her get his wife from the tar pit
because she thinks she can use the East witch's gloves to move the
stone men again. Why? Shrugs.
Meanwhile,
Tip, who has yet to come to grips with her feminine body gets sold to
Glinda who will treat her as an orphan but doesn't know who she is
nor that she is a witch. Instead, Tip chooses to work at West's
brothel because she'll have freedom or some other existential crap.
As maid to West, she frees Dorothy and blames it on the loyal head
maid to West. Naturally, West believes the treacherous boy/girl
newbie over the long-trusted servant and kills that woman in a scene
that was supposed to make West seem more evil but only made her look
gullible and made Tip look like a true evil genius.
It's a Mask, so... Yeah. Not Enough Magic For Talking Animals |
West
gathers her some witches from the tar pit and seeks to take the city
from the wizard with a now back-to-girl Tip who should be Queen of
Oz. In luck, and to make her even less meaningful to this story, the
Wizard isn't even in the city when West and Tip arrive with their
witch hoard. It's a pretty easy battle.
For Perspective, the guard has the spear, and the rest is city |
Glinda
calls him an idiot for thinking the witches were the Beast Forever
and has all the bloodied witches rise again as she says, “Only a
witch can kill a witch,” which was the BIGGEST RULE OF THE SHOW!!
Almost Forgot this picture of Jack After He is fixed by the Scientist Lady. |
Dorothy
returns to find that it has only been a few minutes—hour tops—since
she's been gone and her other non-mother mother (the Latina or Native
American woman) is still alive but bleeding in the storm cellar. She
takes her to a hospital, sits with her aunt on the farm, sees her
aunt's black-dark hands and looks out into the empty field. Now, at
this point, I couldn't be bothered to try figuring out the
black-fingered symbolism so if someone knows what this refers to, let
me. But we do see Lucas suddenly standing behind her and a returned
Toto who only appeared throughout the show at his convenience. We
flash to Oz where we see that skinless red man putting on some skin
that looked like clothes and morphing into the real Beast Forever and
menacing all of the magical land with a bird-like shadow. And back to
the farm where Marty McFly says to Dorothy, “We gotta go back, Doc!
Back to the land of Oz!” Or... something like that.
Here's Those Perfunctory, Meaningless Gloves That Showed Up at Random and Served Little Purpose |
What's
my grade? I give it a C-. I know this 10-episode recap was lengthy
but at times the show seemed to drag out more, if you can imagine. I
can appreciate what the writers and creator/director Tarsem Singh
tried doing, and I always try to give at least 50 points out of 100
for effort, but this didn't hit it for me. Straight out of the gate
you got the mixture of fairy tale wonderment like that of ABC's Once
Upon a Time, trying to blend with HBO's Game of Thrones to
create a more adult-oriented story. The problem here is that too
seldom are the characters made to be more than what you see. As said,
everyone seemed evil at one point or another, which made it difficult
to root for anyone. Instead of elevating a classic childhood movie
dating back generations, it managed to rip all of the joy, excitement
and wonderment from the material, while also not having a very
poignant message to tell. If you're going to make something dark,
make something that speaks to humanity about its experience. This was
an adventure without fun and adventure.
No, this isn't the final image of the show, it's how I feel: both confused and a little tarred. |
Should
you check it out? Eh! Wasn't going to mention this, however, this
series had originally been scrapped by NBC back in 2014 or 15 and
went through a development hell of its own before NBC caved and said
they'd air it, but give it a crap time slot on Fridays at 9pm.
Granted, it had the lead-in of Grimm, which had thrived at 9pm
for two seasons and is now on its way out with its final season.
This, was just OK. If you come to it as a fan of the Wizard of Oz
films or come looking for a familiar story or even come looking
for a bright fantasy, I suggest you look to Once Upon a Time.
Emerald City tries to be Game of Thrones and doesn't quite hit
the mark. It will, however, tide you over in the off-season of that
show. Ultimately, I would say that unless you are a fan of darker
interpretations of everything from your childhood, you can probably
safely skip this one. Unless it surges in on-demand binge views on
Hulu or cable, I doubt this'll make it to another season with its
lackluster ratings.
What
do you think? Did you see Emerald City? If not, do you think you'll
check it out on demand (on both NBC.com, most cable providers, and
Hulu)? If you did see it, do you agree with me? Did it do L. Frank
Baum proud or did it miss the mark on many levels? And what did you
think about the characters? Who was your favorite. While I hated
West, I think I might actually have a crush on the actress. We live
in confusing times. Anyway, let me know what you think in the
comments below.
If
you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel
#AFuriousWind, the
NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or
the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen.
For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult,
check out #TheWriter.
Both season 1 and season 2 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay
connected here for updates on season 3 coming summer 2017. If you
like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow.
The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the
mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series #Extraordinary to premiere
sometime this winter on Amazon and my blog. Join us on Goodreads to
talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with
that Google+ button to the right.
Until next time, “You mean to tell me
you couldn't fit in not one single song? What's wrong with you
people.”
Image Belongs to Pink Floyd and the current holders of the Wizard of Oz 1939 rights. |
P.S. Seriously, though, the frickin' Flash and Supergirl are going to
have a musical episode but they couldn't fit in not one road song
betwixt Dorothy and Lucas and the girl, not even a lullaby to the
little girl. Sigh! At least they fit in that blink-and-miss-it
reference to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Rainbow. I'll think of a
better sign-off next time.
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