A Joyous Skip Down The Yellow-Brick Road This Ain't #EmeraldCity #Post-Mortem #Review

A Joyous Skip Down The Yellow-Brick Road This Ain't #EmeraldCity #Post-Mortem #Review #Recap

 

 

All pictures courtesy of NBC

Sigh! Well, this kinda thing seems to happen far too often these days, but at least we give them a chance, right? So, we've reached the mid-season/winter-season finale or spring-season premiere—hell, I don't know what networks are really doing with all these mid and full season finales—again. That means that outside of the awkward and clunky sentences like above (I promise you far better sentences in my books and other works, though, no promises!), we also are slated to get a new crop of mid-season replacement shows here to keep us busy with the TV watching and the obsessing and the complaining about how terrible networks treat their fans and their shows. Doesn't that sound like fun! Yahhh! (Howard Dean voice; hopefully my last political reference for this season ending in May). So, amongst all the new shows such as Taken, 24: Legacy, Training Day, blah blah blah, we had what could have been the crown jewel Emerald City (see what I did there?) that promised us one more heartfelt trip down that yellow-brick road. But did it reach the heights of that sparkling somewhere over the rainbow, or did it swirl and bluster and leave us to feel trapped under a house—er, in the house for the winter. Let's journey together to find out.

NBC's Emerald City (#EmeraldCity) starred Adria Arjona as Dorothy Gale, our whirlwinded-wanderer who only wants to find her way back home. I commend them both for making the character older (a shrewd move so it could have sexy parts) and for making the character Latina (something I hate when they do just to fill a minority quota or something, because if they make a white character non-white, they'll definitely start making non-white characters white). Adria was a pretty good choice looks-wise and did have a certain innocence quality to her as a grown woman that could make the viewer feel for her at times. However, much of that was undone and I'll tell you why later.

You know the story, or at least you think you do but let me clear up a few things for you here. Being an adult, Dorothy now is a nurse at a local hospital. While I am still a little shifty on this, I think she lived with her mother in a trailer, though she was also seen sleeping at her Aunt's farmhouse as would be familiar. In any case, during a big storm she must go to the trailer to check on her mom. Something crazy has happened there and the place looks out of sorts. As the storm comes, Dorothy goes back outside to find a cop holding her at gunpoint thinking that she did something suspicious. The cop's dog also gets involved. There's some action-y stuff that goes on and somehow Dorothy winds up in the cop's car along with the dog. Do we see a big whirlwind taking them into the sky? No. We see the wind surround the car, a few close-ups I guess for low-budget TV purposes (though it came on a major network, so...) and boom! The tornado spits her out into the great land where blue birds fly. Disclaimer: I saw not one blue bird in the entire series. Rather than the house landing on the witch, the car plows through her and, thusly, our story is born.

Take Our Land But You Shall Never Take Our Free--Oh, you're taking that too?

After this, Dorothy emerges from the car and some hairy, fat, Braveheart-looking dude finds her and is all, “You killed the Mistress of the East.” He takes her back to his village which you totally expect to be filled with Munchkins from the lollipop guild, but isn't, and you're suddenly feeling bad for all those little people actors and actresses in Hollywood, until you realize that this is a twist on everything.

Before I go further, let me inject a big disclaimer here as this will undoubtedly come up later. L. Frank Baum, as many know, originally wrote a full series of books surrounding Oz. They were, essentially, the Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter of his day and he worked his butt off to promote them. However, we all know that the most memorable two are The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz which were squished together to make the classic 1939 film version starring Judy Garland. There, however, were seven or nine books or more but I haven't the energy to properly research (I'm flogging myself for being too busy and too lazy). Each book detailed another part of Oz's story and all the goings-on in this mythical land. Well, there may be a reason why many of those stories never made it to the big screen or TV in a meaningful way, and why the original movie is so beloved.

Also, I mention this because while the books have been out for over 100 years, sad to say that I don't believe many people have read the series in its entirety, and most only remember the Judy Garland film and more recently the Sam Raimi-directed, James Franco-starring Oz the Great and Powerful. Therefore, certain characters that might first appear familiar to viewers really are not familiar at all. If you're only familiar with the film, you'll say that they changed a lot and probably not in a good way. Even if you're familiar with all the books you still might not find the show's interwoven stories reminiscent of what's on the page. But this is what they gave us so this is what we shall go with. From here on out, I will do most of my references through the lens of someone who expected to see a different telling of the familiar story as seen in the 1939 film and not the books, while peppering in some truths only the readers would know. Got it? Good.

Back to the non-little-people village of Braveheart wannabes. The fat guy hails her as a pseudo-hero for having killed the witch, then quickly half-turns on her because as he and everyone in this land knows, “Only a witch can kill a witch.” But she insists she isn't a witch so he takes her to some cave where there are a ton of witches trapped in a strange tar bog dying a slow death. He rambles needed exposition (always forgivable this early in a show or movie) telling her all about how this land is one of magic but magic is outlawed and it could've gotten her home. There are witches but they no longer do anything because the land is under rule of the great and powerful (wait for it)... Wizard of Oz. Ta-dah!

The Wizard and his Blue-Bonnet Servant Girls

And we're all like, “what?” Yes, we know the wizard doesn't really have powers from all the different iterations, save for that strange The Wiz live one where Queen Latifah looked like Benico Del Toro in Guardians of the Galaxy. Yet, somehow, he was able to (un)magically get these giant stone soldiers to move around the city and guard the lands from what was known as The Beast Forever, which the show totally shoots itself in the foot over at the end. Like a baby with an over-flowing poop-filled diaper who has been running around the entire house unchecked for 30 minutes, it's a mess! (Tangent: Did everyone see that video where the reporter is talking live and his kids come in and then his wife frantically runs in? #JoysofParenting). Now, for whatever reason he has outlawed the use of magic after thinking that it somehow led to or attracted the Beast Forever and the witches' magic proved useless during the attack. The tar pit with all the witches in it has some skinless red guy growing in a tree along with Fat Braveheart's wife who was put there for being a witch. Oddly, she was put their by a witch, the very one and the same that gave Dorothy such a headache in the film.

The Wizard is played by fan-favorite Vincent D'Onofrio who seems to have gained back every pound he lost when he trimmed down for that last Jurassic World film (not mad at him. Get yo' grub on, playa!). What does offend me is that outrageous wig that is so clearly a wig it deserves a spot in the hall of fame next to that cheap rug worn by Chevy Chase's uncle in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. No curtain behind which to hide, he's the frightened leader of Oz who rules with iron fist after having a pathetic life back home in Kansas. His back story: he was one of the four scientists working on a storm-cloud science machine. The grunt of the group, he saw to it that the machine they had to make storms (yes, you heard that right) didn't go out of control. It did and it sent him and two other female scientists to the land of Oz. When first he arrives he encounters Fat Braveheart and his wife. The guy's witchy woman does magic while he's teaching the kids science and he gets pug-faced and upset. But there are hints all over the place in this scene and throughout that foreshadow what really happened, so long as you're paying attention.

Also living in the city under his rule is the Wicked Witch of the West, or rather Mistress of the West, or more aptly, Crackhead Non-threatening Hoe-house Madam of the West. Harpo, who dis lady? Played by the eccentrically gorgeous Ana Ularu, West, as she is called, never lives up to any of the pictures we've all formed in our head of the Wicked Witch. She's not green yet, which, if this was supposed to be a prequel story, you can understand. But she also never comes off as all that menacing. The way her character is written and directed has her trying to be sly, but not devil-sly, so she never creeps you out like an oily snake. Her drug use and nagging to and about the Wizard unfortunately (and boy will this sound sexist) comes off more as a nagging wife, an Al and Peggy for a magical realm, rather than true hatred. She oddly does more helping of every pseudo-protagonist in the realm than hurting, and the only thing frightening about her is her lack of true sinister appetites.

As said, she runs a brothel frequented by the Wizard, yet supposedly hates his guts because he not only ordered no more magic, but has a stone soldier positioned over the witches' sacred temple in the center of town, ready to destroy it on command. She blames him for the destruction of so many witches and the fact that not her nor any of her sisters can bare children. He also was responsible, supposedly, for her mother's death. With him frequenting her sin den, it makes you wonder why she hasn't simply killed him already. There truly is nothing stopping her from doing that. Yes, the people, who hail him as hero would revolt but... uh... they don't have magic, so...? The only reason I could truly come up with for her living in the city and doing nothing to this man she truly hated was the one that the show either wasn't brave enough to do or never saw it as a possibility, which was that the two of them were, at some point, sleeping together and she still had feelings for him or something, or they loved to get high together. Again, why has she not killed this man and is living in the city alongside him? Why?

This fact and theory is made even more painfully obvious when, in the finale, she raises most of the witches in the tar bog in order to fight the Wizard and retake the kingdom, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Now that I think about it, all of my biggest disappointments with the show came from the witches. Glinda, the Good Witch was, in no way, shape or form a good witch. Played by veteran actress Joely Richardson of Nip/Tuck fame, if you ask me she is the real Wicked Witch. For starters, her crackhead sister is really only there to serve: serve the Wizard, semi-serve Glinda, service the men and women of the town with sexual deviance. Glinda, on the other hand, is her own woman. While she also gifts the Wizard with many orphaned servants that look like blue flying nuns, she also is the partial catalyst for one of the bigger secondary plots. She is also trying to kill the Wizard and reclaim witch dominance and has an actual plan to do it, as opposed to her sister who just lies about and luckily has a plan fall into her lap in the last two episodes of the 10-episode mini-run. More on Glinda and her wickedness later as I have to give you some plot and catch you up to her deception.

But Where the Brick At Dough?

Back to Dorothy, Fat Braveheart tells her that the Wizard could maybe get her home so she should go see him and follow this DIRT road that is covered over with the shed, yellow blossoms or pollen from poppy plants. Along the way she meets a man hanging up in a field crucifixion-style, tarred down and with a crow sitting atop him. Our “scarecrow,” or at least that is how viewers may see him, surprisingly has no memory of who he is, and has cuts and bruises all over him beneath the tar. Played by Oliver Jackson-Cohen, who, given the right part should make a fine leading man, the scarecrow, or Lucas, immediately bonds with Dorothy once she bothers to take him down from the cross. But as soon as they are each freed, the Wicked Witch of the West pops up to agitate. Surprise, she survived that car hit.

Which of these three women looks like she slays every day?

The best designed character on the show (we're talking, she slays like Beyonce), the Wicked Witch of the West is still alive and, as it turns out, she controls the weather with some ruby and gold gloves. Dorothy, who left the police car not only with a gun from the car but with the cop's dog who Fat Braveheart named Toto because that's the indigenous word for dog there, points her gun at the woman. The witch quickly takes it and wonders how it works and what it does. In the most ignant (not ignorant, because that word is too good for it), ignant (double ignants? Oh boy!) move I've seen so far this year, the witch turns the gun to herself and curiously pulls the trigger and blows her own brains out under Dorothy's direction. Thusly, a witch kills a witch. Then, Dorothy magically gets the golden gloves, which go invisible on her hands and only pop up through the serious at the most convenient times as Dorothy has no power over them for much of the series. Her and Lucas go merrily down the road to Oz to see the wizard for a new brain—er, his memory back, and to get home.

Finally, along the way they run into a house where is kept a boy locked away by magic. Way on the outskirts of the city, an old witch is keeping this young Indian (at least the actress looks Indian to me) boy trapped in a house whose door is a thicket of dead bushes that only opens at magic's command. Tip played by newcomer Jordan Loughran, has a friend outside of the house that runs to him and talks with him about escaping. Tip's friend, Jack played by Gerran Howell looks like a nervous lot whose background is mostly unknown, dubious at best. He plans to hack at the bushes to somehow free his friend, until Dorothy and Lucas come along.

The unfriendly witch keeping Tip prisoner caves to Dorothy and Lucas' pleas of help and food and all that jazz. She begrudgingly lets them into her house where they discover she is keeping Tip as prisoner. And, are you ready for this because here is where the story gets crazy, in an act of heroism, they beat the witch to death after trying to poison her. They all escape into the wild where Tip tells them of how the woman would constantly make her drink this strange elixir everyday which she thought made her weak or something as she looked small, thin and frail. Tip and Jack part ways with Dorothy and Lucas and are left on their own in the woods for the night.

Jack on the left and Tip on the right, being Just One of The Guys

Did you catch it? You reading closely? No, that subtle change in pronouns in the previous paragraph wasn't on accident. That's right, the very next morning, after Tip has not taken the elixir that the witch had given her, it is actually revealed that the elixir was a magic spell to keep her as a boy. Tip is actually a girl. Now, before some of you more conservative-thinking readers get up in arms about them “fitting a transgender message into the Wizard of Oz,” let me note that Tip and this storyline are actually part of the original books. However, unlike the books, while Tip does still want to be a boy and sets out on a journey to the wizard to try to reclaim her real body and not this fake girl body she was born with, this Tip seems more evil throughout the series. For starters, as soon as Jack sees her ample cleavage in the moonlight and starts thinking “how you doin'” (yes, that's a Joey reference. This whole story is nothing more than a twisted play on Friends) to his once male friend, she rages on him when he goes in for a kiss, and pushes him off a balcony where he plummets to a bloody fate. Fear not, however, for a white, lady scientist who works for the king of Ozman has the mechanical know-how to Bionic-Man his butt into a partial robot. At this point he could be the tin man or he could be another character in the book, but he does have a few times in which he rusts in the forest and is saved by the King's daughter who owns him like a slave and falls in love with him.

Got the characters? Good, because from there, it kind of slows into nothing much. Again, I know how difficult it is to keep a series going and make it interesting and move it along, but once you have the basics of the main characters, you are left too much time wondering why they're wandering for so long. Dorothy and Lucas encounter a young witch girl that can turn people to stone or make stone crumble. She gravitates to Lucas for reasons unknown until all three end up in the clutches (read: helping hands) of West who, instead of killing Dorothy for revenge against her dead sister takes all three into a strange dream state to help Lucas remember what happened. He remembers that he was part of the Wizard's guard, had been secretly smuggling young new witches for Glinda and had nearly slaughtered the guards that got in his way. West realizes that not only has Glinda been lying to her, but that their mother, the only witch that could ever birth a witch and who had given birth to over thousands of witches (total Holland Tunnel down there) is still alive. Now she's more pissed with even less of a plan as she still doesn't see her sister about joining a rebellion against the wizard.

Yeah, It's The Sexy Times!!

Dorothy escapes, so does Lucas. She sees the wizard but to kill him. He tells her that she has finally returned. Apparently, she was born there as her mother was one of the two female scientists that came with the Wizard when they transported in their strange weather machine. He'll help her so long as she goes to kill Glinda. She agrees, gives him the policeman's gun, and instead takes the little girl and Lucas to see Glinda in hopes of somehow stopping Glinda? I'm not sure what the plan really was there because it seemed like the Wizard expected the little girl to hug Glinda and turn her to stone and I'm like, “what? You're leaving this whole evil plan up to the power of a child's huge? Uh... OK.”

Not entirely true, he seeks to make guns and commissions the king to do it, but the king dies from the little girl who can turn people to stone right before her and Dorothy leave. Now, the King's daughter and owner of the tin man is queen. Her quirk: she wears hundreds of different expensive masks to hide her face from the world. Why? Is she ugly? No. As we find out later on the finale, she is actually a robot. The king's real daughter died long ago and the king wanted a robot of his daughter (because forget his wife and son) and commissioned the white scientist lady (the same who patched up Jack/Tin man) to make a mask for her to hide her never-aging face, to which I was like, Why not just make a new flesh-like face that showed some age? But whatevs!

This Little Girl was the Best Part of the Show

The Wizard wants to use those guns to kill the witches because he heard that she was killed by a gun, not knowing that she shot herself. It all becomes tedious and murky when Dorothy, Lucas and the little girl arrive to Glinda's and the good witch kisses the would-be scarecrow to break her own forgetfulness spell, and reveal that they were lovers, and he was transporting those little girls for her as he secretly worked on the rebellion. But once she realizes that Dorothy is in love with her man, Glinda orders that Lucas kill Dorothy because, you know, jealousy and stuff—all the trappings of a good witch. But Dorothy tries to kill her with some white sheets, escapes the white witch castle and is back on her way to Fat Braveheart's village after finally realizing something: The Wizard had no magic to move those stone warrior men throughout the kingdom, but Braveheart's wife did. So she wants him to help her get his wife from the tar pit because she thinks she can use the East witch's gloves to move the stone men again. Why? Shrugs.

Meanwhile, Tip, who has yet to come to grips with her feminine body gets sold to Glinda who will treat her as an orphan but doesn't know who she is nor that she is a witch. Instead, Tip chooses to work at West's brothel because she'll have freedom or some other existential crap. As maid to West, she frees Dorothy and blames it on the loyal head maid to West. Naturally, West believes the treacherous boy/girl newbie over the long-trusted servant and kills that woman in a scene that was supposed to make West seem more evil but only made her look gullible and made Tip look like a true evil genius.

It's a Mask, so... Yeah. Not Enough Magic For Talking Animals

After West and Tip witness the round-up of all little girls in the city and the persecution of them as possible witches, which includes a very stupid scene of West keeping a fiery young witch girl in a pit while whining about how cruel the Wizard is, a dagger comes from out of nowhere in the last two episodes. The dagger makes West realize that Tip is not only a witch but the long-lost daughter of the true King of Ozman who was slain long ago when she was a baby. All Tip can remember is seeing a lion slice into her parents. The lion was and currently serves as the head of the guard for the Wizard's army. West has Tip drink her dead sister's spirit to learn her magic spells and it kills her. Distraught, West then attempts suicide before Tip resurrects and feels no different. There's a short scene of Tip learning how to find the true essence of her new magical abilities and she turns back into a boy in the process—what she always wanted since escaping the house.

West gathers her some witches from the tar pit and seeks to take the city from the wizard with a now back-to-girl Tip who should be Queen of Oz. In luck, and to make her even less meaningful to this story, the Wizard isn't even in the city when West and Tip arrive with their witch hoard. It's a pretty easy battle.

For Perspective, the guard has the spear, and the rest is city

Instead, the wizard and his guard and the guard from the robot queen are all lined up in a field outside the city walls because Dorothy was able to get Fat Braveheart's wife to give her the spell to raise a statue—this only after Dorothy freed her from the pit and helped that skinless red man stuck in the tree who had been there longer than any of the witches and was still surviving. Back in the field, Dorothy confronts the wizard and just wants to go home as she had to defeat Lucas and leave him on a cross in some farmer's field somewhere after he tried to kill her as Glinda ordered. Glinda comes from out of nowhere and attacks with a literal swarm of witches, but the Wizard starts shooting them all, and howling something about using the guns to finally kill the Beast Forever, and you stop and are like, “Huh? Does he think that the witches are the actual Beast Forever? Did he never see the Beast Forever? How many times did this show make Baum roll over in his grave?”

Glinda calls him an idiot for thinking the witches were the Beast Forever and has all the bloodied witches rise again as she says, “Only a witch can kill a witch,” which was the BIGGEST RULE OF THE SHOW!!

Almost Forgot this picture of Jack After He is fixed by the Scientist Lady.

The Wizard and Dorothy escape back to his castle where he has promised to put her back into the restored weather machine that brought him, her mother and that other scientist there but they are interrupted when the same white lady scientist that fixed Jack/Tin man arrives and shoots the Wizard. Then it's revealed that this white lady is actually Dorothy's mom and not the minority woman that looks Latina just like Dorothy back in Kansas. Hm. Welp... OK, I guess ( and here you thought I was just being racist by mentioning her being white; yes, I know how interracial relationships work but it was a poor twist that came from nowhere and for no reason). She shoves the girl into the weather machine and says she'll return with her but doesn't because Pa Kent must die in a tornado, or um... My bad, I got my senseless plot twists about people living in Kansas mixed up. She stays because why not?

Dorothy returns to find that it has only been a few minutes—hour tops—since she's been gone and her other non-mother mother (the Latina or Native American woman) is still alive but bleeding in the storm cellar. She takes her to a hospital, sits with her aunt on the farm, sees her aunt's black-dark hands and looks out into the empty field. Now, at this point, I couldn't be bothered to try figuring out the black-fingered symbolism so if someone knows what this refers to, let me. But we do see Lucas suddenly standing behind her and a returned Toto who only appeared throughout the show at his convenience. We flash to Oz where we see that skinless red man putting on some skin that looked like clothes and morphing into the real Beast Forever and menacing all of the magical land with a bird-like shadow. And back to the farm where Marty McFly says to Dorothy, “We gotta go back, Doc! Back to the land of Oz!” Or... something like that.

Here's Those Perfunctory, Meaningless Gloves That Showed Up at Random and Served Little Purpose

What's my grade? I give it a C-. I know this 10-episode recap was lengthy but at times the show seemed to drag out more, if you can imagine. I can appreciate what the writers and creator/director Tarsem Singh tried doing, and I always try to give at least 50 points out of 100 for effort, but this didn't hit it for me. Straight out of the gate you got the mixture of fairy tale wonderment like that of ABC's Once Upon a Time, trying to blend with HBO's Game of Thrones to create a more adult-oriented story. The problem here is that too seldom are the characters made to be more than what you see. As said, everyone seemed evil at one point or another, which made it difficult to root for anyone. Instead of elevating a classic childhood movie dating back generations, it managed to rip all of the joy, excitement and wonderment from the material, while also not having a very poignant message to tell. If you're going to make something dark, make something that speaks to humanity about its experience. This was an adventure without fun and adventure.

No, this isn't the final image of the show, it's how I feel: both confused and a little tarred.

As I said, the characters are rather bland and none of them hit the marks you expect from them. The Wicked Witch ain't wicked; Tip comes off as bratty; because of his memory loss, Lucas not only has little personality but falls in love with Dorothy way too quickly (by the third episode their skipping around holding hands? What?); Glinda, though her intentions with the witches may be good, seems evil; The Wizard is definitely a bastard (though you can make the argument that he is closest to his original character). But worst of all is Dorothy. While I haven't seen Adria in anything else and I look forward to more of her work, here, she is given nothing to work with. The entire series she looks like Kristen Stewart in the Twilight series, no facial reactions whatsoever. Is she floored by this magical experience, left breathless at the performance of magic? Eh! I think it probably greatly came from the direction, because she travels through the series with an air of, “Oh, and then this happened,” that elicits nothing of the emotional matrix we should see her going through. So when she does kill, it only comes as a shock to fans who still see Dorothy through crystallized memories of Judy Garland's hopeful but dismayed film version. Emerald City's Dorothy comes off as flat as the pages in Baum's book.

Should you check it out? Eh! Wasn't going to mention this, however, this series had originally been scrapped by NBC back in 2014 or 15 and went through a development hell of its own before NBC caved and said they'd air it, but give it a crap time slot on Fridays at 9pm. Granted, it had the lead-in of Grimm, which had thrived at 9pm for two seasons and is now on its way out with its final season. This, was just OK. If you come to it as a fan of the Wizard of Oz films or come looking for a familiar story or even come looking for a bright fantasy, I suggest you look to Once Upon a Time. Emerald City tries to be Game of Thrones and doesn't quite hit the mark. It will, however, tide you over in the off-season of that show. Ultimately, I would say that unless you are a fan of darker interpretations of everything from your childhood, you can probably safely skip this one. Unless it surges in on-demand binge views on Hulu or cable, I doubt this'll make it to another season with its lackluster ratings.

What do you think? Did you see Emerald City? If not, do you think you'll check it out on demand (on both NBC.com, most cable providers, and Hulu)? If you did see it, do you agree with me? Did it do L. Frank Baum proud or did it miss the mark on many levels? And what did you think about the characters? Who was your favorite. While I hated West, I think I might actually have a crush on the actress. We live in confusing times. Anyway, let me know what you think in the comments below.

Check out my 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. Both season 1 and season 2 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected here for updates on season 3 coming summer 2017. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series #Extraordinary to premiere sometime this winter on Amazon and my blog. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, “You mean to tell me you couldn't fit in not one single song? What's wrong with you people.”

Image Belongs to Pink Floyd and the current holders of the Wizard of Oz 1939 rights.

  

P.S. Seriously, though, the frickin' Flash and Supergirl are going to have a musical episode but they couldn't fit in not one road song betwixt Dorothy and Lucas and the girl, not even a lullaby to the little girl. Sigh! At least they fit in that blink-and-miss-it reference to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Rainbow. I'll think of a better sign-off next time.

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You've Been Played Once More #Inauguration #Trump #Brexit #2017 #President

You've Been Played Once More #Inauguration #Trump #Brexit #2017 #President

Congratulations, America. No, congratulations to the US and Britain. Actually, congratulations to the world (including Putin and that North Korean mole-rat), you all fell for it. Again. You, the citizens of this troubled but potentially great world, failed to heed the warning of so many that have for years talked about those who are really in power. Most specifically, you failed to believe me when I wrote a lot of truth in my own novel The Provocateur. No, this is not a promotion of that book. And no, I don't want to go into the details on why I wrote it as a fictional novel, but I will say that the Provocateurs are real, and that yes, they did choose me to write that book for them. Why? I don't know, but I do know that they have the control. Of what, you ask? Everything.

For years, rumors of a small group of people who control or are trying to institute a “New World Order” have been researched and studied, theorized on and about, given countless names and monikers, said to have been associated with the elite or wealthy or governments big and small around the world. People were led to believe that so long as everyone woke up and paid real attention, they would see that we have been fooled. Far be it from me to be the person or voice you actually believe in, but it is real. And for those who voted for Trump, you fell once again for their tricks. For those who voted for Hillary, you also fell for their tricks.

But how could that be, you ask. It's quite simple really: the group really in power, The Provocateurs are the ones who choose the winner. ALWAYS! In fact, they run pretty much everything and even now are effecting and affecting you and your future. Let's back up and review some of the things told to me for the book.

Who are The Provocateurs? One is quick to jump to other groups, names and secret societies that have circulated the internet for years. “Oh, that's just another name for the Illuminati or the Knights Templar” or some other conspiracy theorist group—pick your poison. Don't get me wrong, some of that information is actually true, but a lot of it is misinformation that the Provocateurs release in order to mock anyone willing to believe in it, and to make sure that they have control of even those people that think themselves enlightened, “out of the box” or “awake to the truth” thinkers. The most recent rumor about the Illuminati is a cute bedtime story, but The Provocateurs they are not. To call them such would be to undersell the power of The Provocateurs, as well as the history of the group. They've been around not for centuries, but for millenniums.

So they're the rich people, right? Those Rothschilds and whoevers, or its those leaders of industry. You know, the ones who gather in those secret, highly-guarded meetings like the Davos or Bilderberg conferences? Or the Washington, or Wall Street elite, those people who routinely make the laws and skirt them for not just money but power, too? Right? Right?

No.

That is always the most mind-blowing, mind-boggling, mind-numbing thing about all of this for people who first learn about The Provocateurs. You'd think that clearly it would be billionaires who control the world with no one over them. The supreme overlord of GE, the world's biggest company, has to secretly be ruler of most of the world, right? Or, to that point, how could one have such power and influence without money or a powerful position? Well, The Provocateurs do it. In fact, they are the ones that control the billionaires, the ones who decide who will and who will not be rewarded with such an honor and pressure (think about it: How could any family stay wealthy through countless generations?No, they aren't all “just really good at business.”) This not to say that The Provocateurs don't have money, but that they find any currency of little importance. As far as public office or high positions in private enterprises, why limit their power and be restricted to such things as rules, laws, and the will and wants of investors or voters? Many of these laws they have influenced and are responsible for getting passed, so we know they sure as hell wouldn't abide by them.

OK, well then they must be a big network of people controlling stuff, right? No, again. They're a very small group, a group that couldn't be in every place and every corner of the world, but make it feel that way. I'm sure that even you have had an eerie, almost unnatural feeling that the world is a lot smaller than it actually is on some days. And I'm not talking about the “coincidences” where you travel half-way around the world on vacation and see someone you know, or someone who knows someone you know. No, I'm talking about that dizzying feeling you had as a child when you spun around for a few seconds to make yourself feel the rotation of the earth: something seems... off. That's how they make you feel. That's how they influence you through everything and even everybody that you come into contact.

May God Help Us All, Including him, his family, supporters and non-supporters alike

Let's bring it current: How does this factor into Trump, Clinton, Putin and Brexit? Their plan was simple and is still being followed as I said in my book. Every so often, they like to test their clout to make sure that they still have the same kind of power they've always had in order to shape the future as they wish. In order to do this, they have to push and pull things to an extreme. So, get two candidates that are extremes for either side. Do they appear as extremes? Not at first. You have an old white guy (not necessarily breaking new ground in the leadership position) and a white woman who has had experience in the government. And then all they have to do is push. Push both you and the candidates. We tend to think of control as this loud, boisterous, driving thump of authority, when it really is a still, small voice speaking to us, to anyone—willingly or unwillingly—listening. How did they do this? Did they put those words in Trump's mouth? Sometimes. Research suggestive mind control for that, or watch that God-awful Will Smith and Margot Robbie film Focus (not the other God-awful Will Smith and Margot Robbie film. You know the one). But all they really have to do is keep hammering in two slogans, or rather, a word and a slogan. In fact, the same word and slogan that they planted the seeds for way back in 2007:

“Change” and “I'm Unhappy.”

Change and I'm unhappy has motivated the last three major elections, the Brexit, the break-up of the Soviet Union and impending empirical spread of modern Russia that they have planned (not to mention countless divorces). Oddly, regardless of how this next four years go, it will also be the driving force of the next election, too. That is simply how it has been scripted. So long as any outside force can influence you consciously or subconsciously to believe that you are unhappy and that something needs to change, you will act upon those feelings, because they feed into our most base instincts. The funny thing about happiness is that a while back, The Provocateurs worked with some of the founding fathers and mothers of modern psychiatry and psychology in order to classify happiness or satisfaction with one's self as a higher, more evolved instinct, a trick to help stigmatize mental illness, but that's a completely other story.

The trick for the Provocateurs is to convince you of something regardless of whether it is the truth or not. Do you really need change? Maybe or maybe not. But see, here's the secondary trick: convincing you that any change needed is purely external.

I'm from the Midwest: born and raised in northeast Ohio. I'm within walking distance of a few farms. About 15 minutes down the highway, I can get off in another town and look at what is now a vacant lot of what used to be a very large factory (if I remember correctly, it was a car factory of some sort). I've seen first hand some of the “blue-collar decay” that Trump and Hillary talked about on the trail. However, the one thing I've always noticed is the lack of willingness to internally change from the people out of work due to a shuttered business. Not all, by many of those who decry the closing of factories in their town rarely hop to self-improvement as their first answer. Nor are people willing to move to where the work is, instead insisting that wherever they live will be restored to glory if only for the right break. Regardless of whether they are “boot-strappers” or “welfare recipients” both often look to the government or businesses first as the cause and ruling body of their life. That, to some extent, is true, but you have to be putting forth every best effort if change is what you want. Some voters recognized this and pointed out such hypocrisy, while others defended their beliefs by listing some of the things they did. Unfortunately neither mattered because the message of external change had already been internalized. Same thing goes for unhappiness.

Again, this is not to delegitimize any actual reasons for such feelings, but to say that both the feelings and the actual reasons have all been carefully coordinated long before you got around to feeling them.

Same goes for Brexit. Not only did The Provocateurs have Brexit planned years ago, but this was planned as far back as before the EU came to be (they never enter into anything without having at least three viable plans to get out of something). In some ways, maybe it is comforting that there is never really any chaos (at least to them) because practically everything that happens is part of their scheme.

That then brings us to President Pussy-Grabber. The question is why did they make him president? For many simple but good reasons. First, you have the “caps off” scenario, or in other words the anything- goes nominee. With current partisanship being so volatile, either party can be pushed to an extreme for any and all future candidates. Also, there is no cap on who can be president, save for their documentation as a natural-born citizen. As I pointed out in my book and contrary to some conservatives beliefs, Trump's election has fully swung open the door to elect a gay or transgender president—the very thing some (not all) of them fear. Why? Because the personal character of a president no longer matters; in fact, the entirety of the human shell no longer matters, but rather the show you put on to satisfy and invigorate a subset. Be accused of rape (Bill) or talk about harassment (Trump) or say racist things (Nixon), none of it matters so long as you are trying to do right by the US. Do you have to be Christian? No, so long as you act as if you have faith in something other than the faith that dominates the current opposition (in this case, Islam, though that will change before the end of the Millennials' lifetime). Of course at this point, it sounds crazy even for liberals to be closer to electing a gay president when a straight white male won after a black man. But note the genius of The Provocateurs plan, because if Hillary had won, we'd be contemplating the same thing, “Now that we have a female president, we can have a (insert ethnicity) or a (insert sexuality) president.” Hence, in either case, they win by having made the country's political circus a polarized pendulum.

Let the thievery and history re-writes begin!
Picture courtesy of TMZ.com 

Then there's the supposed “unpredictability” of Trump. “I like him because he says what he thinks. He's authentic.” Right. Anyone can be controlled. N. E. One. Oddly enough, Trump is being pushed and puppeted more than at least three of the previous presidents in the last 40 years. George W. had less whispers near his ear and in his organizations before becoming President and during his tenure. Trump is no less of a politician than any of the others, though he is slightly less experienced at the bureaucracy. But again, he has been fed a certain narrative from his time as the kid of a millionaire. They've got into his ear long ago, and were able to set him on a certain pathway then. Every so often, they check in on people they choose to make sure their influence stuck. It has. Will he be a different president? Sure. Is he independent of their control. Hell no!

“But neither was Hillary.” If that's your response, hello. Pay attention! That is the point. There is no change. In fact, this speeds up The Provocateurs' plan for what they want next as I discussed in the book. Often, whenever we do a pull-out of any war or conflict we are already in, we, in-turn, cause a larger war. Isolation actually leads to more, bigger conflict and The Provocateurs know this. Their plan is conflict. Oddly enough, in going against the prevailing thoughts on war and how to defeat one's enemies, the Provocateurs do not look for division, but unity. Here, and throughout the world, we are unified through our disdain for everything oppositional, and that goes for both sides. Unity in the Provocateurs' plan often leads to far more division. Yet, they've made all of us want the very thing that they will and have been using to destroy us.

What does this mean? Well, nothing, I guess. Can anyone change it? No, save for a Provocateur. Is this the end for America? Are the doomsayers right? Or will the MAGA crowd be vindicated like never before? Well, I will give you the same signs that the Provocateurs gave me. The numbers are 8, 7, and 22. From what I've seen, it will take either 8, 7, or 22 weeks, or months for Trump to show the truthfulness of his election. I happen to think that those will be the good times before something terrible happens. But notice that if we get the longer stick of that, the 22 months, many people will feel they have been vindicated by that time. Near two years of good-to-great prosperity in the country should prove all the naysayers wrong, right? Even the seven months (or maybe it is July 22 of one of these years) is a good amount of time for people to point and say, “see, he's not as bad as everyone thought he'd be.” And maybe he won't be. But for all of those that say some people who fear his presidency (I don't fear it at all) are overreacting, just remember that you may want to say that it is not the end of the world or that something like “nuclear war would never happen” or that “life goes on” but at some point, one day soon, cooler heads won't prevail. At some point you can never say never. At some point the worst thing that can happen... will happen.

This post has been different mainly because I try to stay away from the political commentary that is so often pungent, divisive, and acrid to potential fans of my work as a creative. I probably won't write on politics again, at least not for a long time (few months or a year). Also, I am fully aware of the backlash (albeit hypocritical and ironic seeing as how the Republicans now have not one but two Hollywood presidents to their name in Reality star Trump and B-movie star Reagan) that creatives like actors, directors, singers, etc. suffer whenever they speak on any kind of politics. However, it needed to be said... again. And no, this is not to try to sell books, though if you want to read the book The Provocateur you can buy it here: The Provocateur. Honestly, it is a lesser work of mine. Hell, I'm more concerned with trying to get people to read my episodic novella The Writer (with season three coming this summer), my next written serial Extraordinary (premiering this winter/spring), any of my other novels or getting an interview with Leonardo DiCaprio and the other producers of Captain Planet because I really want to write that film and have wanted to for a while (I think I can balance a “liberal” message with conservative viewers while still making the film fun; you can help me with this by re-tweeting my tweets to Leo #shoe #footprint). But hey, I'm just a writer.

You want to call me a crazy crackpot? Go right ahead. A liberal snowflake? You're very wrong about that, but fine (curious enough, similar to Trump I don't drink nor smoke). A neck-bearded basement-dweller? Whatevs! But don't say you weren't shown the signs. Eight, seven, twenty-two. Whatever happens, you shouldn't let this little blog post provoke you.

Check out my 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. Both season 1 and season 2 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected here for updates on season 3 coming summer 2017. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series Extraordinary to premiere sometime this winter on Amazon and my blog. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, “...And did it myyyyyyyy waaayyyy!”

P.S. Seriously, though, does no one see this? Yes, the song is about doing it his way and getting what he wants but history may look back with gaped mouth and scrunched brow on the fact that the 45^th entered his presidency with the first song chosen by him to dance to starting with the lyrics “And now, the end is near...” Really! The Provocateurs are laughing at us. A better song would actually have been Usher's “My Way” especially since America is so often referred to as female. The lyric: “You (current politicians) can't satisfy her needs. She keeps running back to see me do it My Way.” But hey, what's done is done. And they didn't even use the classic Sinatra recording. SMH

P.P.S. This goes out just to any Republican critics. Note that whenever democrats protest or are critical of Trump, many of them aren't critical of you or the party per se, but rather the man that Trump has proven to be time and again. I'm an independent, but would people really act like this if Jeb had won or Cruz or Carson? No. There wasn't this much unrest when either Bush was elected. It's not about your party (although, some do feel that you allowed your party to be hijacked by this man and should feel some admonishment) but about the general disgust felt for this particular human being.

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Shows I Didn’t Review #3weekroundup #newshows #CBS #USA #FOX

Shows I Didn’t Review #3weekroundup #newshows #CBS #USA #FOX

Greetings, readers and viewers out there in TV and film-dom. Well, the election is finally over—what a wild ride that was; special post on that in the new year—and the fall season of shows is slowly but surely creeping to its dramatic winter finale before the holidays take over and make goo of all of our brains and bellies. Since September premiere week what seemed like eons ago, we have taken a journey through some pretty crazy TVland-scape. Surprisingly, much of the new stuff we’ve seen has stuck around for longer than a few fleeting weeks, keeping with the trend of the last few years to give shows a longer chance to gather an audience, or let the shows run their short-order course of between 10-13 episodes, before replacing them in the new year. But I didn’t get to watch or review everything and share my vaulted opinion, which I know you clearly need in your life. So, let’s begin with one of the new shows that I did happen to watch, Pure Genius.

CBS’s Pure Genius takes groundbreaking concepts and mixes them with so-so plotting and characters. Yes, I gave you my judgment on the show before explaining what the show is about. Let’s backtrack and explore the show. Pure Genius is a fictionalized possibility of a very real future or even present. In it, a young tech billionaire opens what he names Bunkerhill, a hospital/institute positioned on the cutting edge of medical science and technology. With his billion-dollar backing, coupled with his I-know-everything-because-I’m-a-rich-genius attitude, he seeks to revolutionize the healthcare industry by thinking outside the box and combining his technological abilities with the genius of his doctors in order to save every patient, cure the incurable and do the impossible—think Dean Munsch’s hospital/clinic C.U.R.E institute on season two of Scream Queens, only way cooler looking.

The billionaire, or James Bell, is supposed to be a mix of Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, but doesn’t always hit that mark of visionary, instead, falling flat as regular rich A-hole. He has a crush on his head female doctor, Dr. Zoe Beckett, but can’t break from his socially awkward nerd-cocoon to actually connect with her on a personal level. His new hire, Dr. Walter Wallace, is an old dog with old tricks and knowledge that is supposed to keep not only the team but Bell grounded. He’s like Yoda in that he’s not the one doing the original training (Bell isn’t a doctor) but does have sound advice about how to use the force. He’s also a renegade, but a conservative renegade in that he doesn’t fully commit to Bell’s technological revolution—he’s seen too much tech come and go without saving many more lives than previously. While he does accept many of the newfangled inventions, he argues and has friction with Bell, believing it is human interaction which makes healthcare effective.

Through the course of the series, we see plenty of feelgood cases each week, all presented as being impossible to treat or miraculous (science-miraculous, at least... if that is a real thing), and see the inner-turmoil of Bell as he struggles through the preliminary stages of his own incurable disease. While there are amazingly captivating cases that use some of the latest medical advances to make the show feel more futuristic and brilliant, there is surprisingly little new territory mined here. Outside of a billionaire non-doctor genius with enough money to buy any new tech he deems necessary to solve any new problem he and his team encounter, there is nothing uniquely grabbing about this show. To compare it to other medical dramas, it isn’t as character driven as a Grey’s Anatomy or Chicago Med, doesn’t have a huge gimmick to it like The Night Shift (almost everybody served in the military) or Code Black (an ER where patients outnumber doctors and/or supplies), and it’s not solving crimes like an ME show. The closest comparison it has is Hugh Laurie’s House, but even that had more character and oomph! to it to me, not to mention that show isn’t on the air any longer, but I digress.

Overall, I give Pure Genius a C+. It is average, it folds right into the rest of CBS’s programming, and, while having a young cast, doesn’t have many names that stick out to the average viewer. It also does nothing to dispel my theory about there being too many geniuses on TV right now. Not only is everybody on practically every show based either in New York or LA... or Miami, but they are all world-class, best-in-the-country geniuses at what they do. This sucks the tension from shows like these where they are nothing more than a medical procedural/case-of-the-week show. After finishing each episode, was I looking forward to seeing the next? Eh!

Should you be watching? Well, there are plenty of good medical dramas out there, though I’d contend that Grey’s is on its last leg and I just couldn’t get into Code Black, but if you enjoyed FOX’s House or if you want a med show that isn’t centered around the ER, then give Pure Genius a watch, and see what you think. Again, I think this show fits well into CBS’s brand, so though I don’t know the ratings on the first four weeks, my hypothesis is that this will last for the rest of the season.

On to more shows that I haven’t had the time to check out or felt the need to watch. Note that because I haven’t really taken the time to watch these shows, each one of my “reviews” should be taken with a big grain of salt. Really, this is more of me telling you why I didn’t find the time to watch these shows. Oh, and pretty much all of them are on CBS.

To start: Kevin Can Wait. Indeed, he can. CBS’s Kevin Can Wait did not in any way, shape or form look appealing to me in its advertisements. Starring Kevin James, the ads mainly played off the fact that he once had a successful show on CBS entitled The King of Queens. While I admired the commitment to showing blue-collar Americans being funny in their lives as opposed to the upper-middle class and work comedies that dominated through the late aughts and early tens, I was never a fan of King of Queens. It was just an OK show to me, similar to a slew of 90s comedies like Grace Under Fire and the Jeff Foxworthy Show—not all that great, but not all that bad.

So when Kevin James made his triumphant return to TV with virtually the same show—a family man with a very hot wife, albeit a better job this time around, I shrugged my shoulders, looked across the landscape of TV I had already committed to, looked at all of my own work projects, and realized just like that black woman who escaped that house fire a few years back did: “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” But if you’re looking for a nice multi-cam family sitcom that is a callback to the 90s and 70s family sitcoms, then you might like Kevin Can Wait, and maybe you can make time for it.

Practically the same review goes for Matt LeBlanc’s new show Man with a Plan. Friends has long been over and we’ve all gestated our grief about that, not to mention that we still have the countless re-runs on every network channel and TBS to keep us warm if ever our own smelly cat runs away or we find ourselves on a break with our significant other (read: human I keep around solely for my amusement), but the failure of Joey, the short-lived spin-off still lingers heavy in my mind. Using Joey as the star, the additions of his sister and, I believe her kid (or maybe that was one of his friend’s kids) took an adult comedy and spun it into a family sitcom with disastrous effects. At the time, Matt didn’t seem cued-up for such a transition and it showed.

When his new family sitcom Man with a Plan was advertised, I tried dismissing that bad memory in favor of giving him a new shot. Alas, while I did get over the ill-fated Joey, I couldn’t bring myself to get excited for LeBlanc’s new comedy. It is not that it looks bad, but that it simply looks generic. There doesn’t seem to be anything new about it, and it doesn’t even have a cute little spin to it. Similar to Last Man Standing, it looks as though you could pluck it from today’s airwaves, put it in the 90s, and have nothing about it change, and it might even get lost in the shuffle. Don’t get me wrong, I get that comedy is comedy and funny is funny, and that people often don’t need new and fancy to love a show, but with shows like The Big Bang Theory and Modern Family having dominated the airwaves, having something so regular come along doesn’t make me jump at wanting to spend half an hour each week watching it. Marketing School 101: Sometimes you need a new package for an old product. This is an old product with the same packaging it’s always had.

But again, if you find those kinds of family comedies or CBS shows to your liking, then I say go for it. Unlike the Seinfeld cast, the cast of Friends have all gone on to prove that they can thrive at life beyond the show, and even if you’ve never seen LeBlanc’s other series Episodes, you can be sure that he’s still got plenty of acting and comedy in his blood.

We continue forward to CBS’s The Great Indoors, starring Joel McHale. A workplace comedy similar to Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing on ABC, this sees McHale working at an outdoors’ store dominated by younger workers. I didn’t watch this show for many reasons. For one, dear God I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much complaining about one generation as I have with Millennials. It’s almost as if older generations literally have no ideas or anything left to do but complain about Millennials. They’re not even complaining about Generation Z, the teenagers currently filling our high schools, no-no! It’s all on Millennials as if they were the ones to ruin the world. And yet, for the last 24 years (and counting with Trump, not that Hillary would have been any different) the world has been run by Baby Boomers, and Gen Xers have greenlit remakes for literally every film and TV show that they themselves held dear during their childhood and teenage years in the 70s and 80s (there’s actually a Breakfast Club remake in the works. Seriously! Seriously! SMDH), but I digress.

The show centers around McHale working in a non-office office filled with Millennials where he is the “oldhead” who is wiser and more experienced. Essentially, while they may have some book-brains, everyone he is working with is an idiot in his mind because of their youth. Even taking out the possibility of offensiveness, and forgetting the fact that as the population ages, the treatment of Millennials now could only lead to more ageism a few years down the road, the show seems too much like a watered-down version of a mix between Last Man Standing and Community. The reason why Community was canceled, I think, is because of the superiority complex built into the show. I had talked to some viewers of the show when it was still on and they were not die-hard fanatics, but so-so fans (the kind that keeps a show going for longer than three seasons), and they said that they never felt that McHale’s—and to a lesser extent, Chase’s—character grew to realize that he was an equal to everybody else. Where it started out as funny, it got to feel more like a bully laughing at the peons beneath him.

The Great Indoors has a similar feel to it from the commercials alone. Again, this will appeal to a great many Americans I’m sure, but I just don’t have the patience for something like that right now. I’d rather watch Two Broke Girls or Big Bang Theory or Speechless. But if you hate those stupid Millennials or if you are a hipster Millennial that doesn’t think you fall into that category that is constantly mocked, then, by all means, give this a try.

Jumping from CBS to USA, we take a look at Shooter. I know that of this list, Shooter probably has had the latest fall premiere, really of all the new shows I can think of off the top of my head that aren’t holiday-themed. While I know that it just recently premiered and only has one or two episodes under its belt, I will say that I didn’t tune in to the premiere and can’t currently see myself peeking in to give this the three episode grace period I’m used to. Why? Frankly, I don’t have much reason not to, but there are some minor misgivings I can point to.

First, I know that this is based on the Mark Wahlberg movie of the same name. For those who didn’t see the movie or haven’t seen adverts for the show, an ex-US military sniper is accused of shooting someone he didn’t (I think it is supposed to be a high-ranking government official), has this false and treasonous accusation turn his life upside-down, and goes on the run to solve the crime like only he can—using all of his military and gun skills to shoot through, kill, intimidate and unmake anyone unlucky enough to come in his way or be related to the crime in question. Also, I vaguely remember Wahlberg being very hurt in the film and having to also deal with his health, as the people framing him for this shooting are also trying to kill him to make it seem like he was a suicidal, homicidal, PTSD-sufferer who became a zealot and snapped. I say vaguely because of my first misgiving with the show.

I didn’t much care for the movie. I know all movie stars can be hit and miss throughout their careers, but, for me, Wahlberg is the most polarizing star from one film to the next. Pair him with another great in their own right like Will Ferrell in The Other Guys or Daddy’s home, or Matt Damon and Leo in The Departed, or Denzel in 2 Guns, or even The Rock in Pain and Gain, and he is phenomenal. (As an aside, I only now realize that out of all the movies I’ve liked Wahlberg in, the majority of them are comedies, with the exception of The Departed, Invincible, and Four Brothers). Practically everything else he is in feels substandard, run-of-the-mill filmmaking that could just as easily have been a straight-to-DVD release (some of it not squarely on him but the director/producers), or he finds himself in a film where he is swallowed up by far superior actors. Date Night, The Lovely Bones, We Own The Night, The Perfect Storm, that dreadful Planet of the Apes remake, Contraband, Broken City, and Shooter are all films that I saw once and don’t care to see again. I felt like he was swallowed up by the other great performances in The Fighter, so... yeah. As another aside, I only now realize just how many Wahlberg films I’ve seen. My god, I’ve seen a lot of his films. Hmph?

Shooter, to me, was similar to the many Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Steven Seagull, Mel Gibson straight-to-DVD films that have come out in the last few years. Yeah, if you’re a fan of any of them, go and check their IMDb page, and discover well over a dozen films you probably never knew came out because they couldn’t get a theater to show them and had no marketing budget. I always thought the idea behind Shooter to be nice for film but a little pedestrian for TV. It’s another mystery but at least this time it has a regular guy rather than a world-class genius.

Then there is the fact that Ryan Phillippe is starring as the titular character. No, I am not a Ryan hater. I actually like him and thoroughly enjoyed what he did on Secrets and Lies, which is partly the reason why I didn’t want to watch this show. As much as I’m sure many people enjoy anthology series that currently dominate the airwaves, I still like the old-fashioned season-after-season-builds-upon-the-same-characters theme for most shows. I wanted Secrets and Lies to continue in the same story the second season, mainly to see what would happen to Phillippe’s character after confessing to a murder his daughter committed. While we continue on with the detective, we get a rather unsatisfying conclusion to that story with a reference about how his character died in jail before they figured out who the real murderer was. I wanted him back on that show.

And finally: I simply don’t have the time. As stated, I do have a heck of a workload and, for the first time in a few years, am procrastinating on getting anything done as I struggle with plans for the future. Also, I already have a ton of shows that I watch regularly while having ditched other older shows; a DVR half-filled with movies that I haven’t watched dating back since April; and a life out in the real world. Adding yet another hourlong drama to the mix when I’m not enthralled with the concept hardly seems feasible at this time. So, something has to suffer, unfortunately, that happens to be some of the late-season premieres. Sorry, but if they want more people to tune in to a show, don’t premiere it in November when people are gearing up for the holidays and most of them already have their viewing patterns set. That won’t be a problem for every viewer, and fanatics who have been looking forward to this show for some time will catch it, but then again they were always the ones that would watch it anyway. Maybe you are a fan of Ryan Phillippe or think the concept sounds interesting, or remember the movie and enjoyed it. If so, then feel free to check it out on the USA network.

Also, I feel I have to give at least a note on FOX’s attempt at remaking the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show. Once every seven or eight years or so, I will take a look at Rocky Horror around Halloween time. While I enjoy it, it is not appointment viewing for me by any means, nor a tradition. Rocky Horror holds that strange place in my viewing conscience where I must be in the right mood at the right time of year and even on the right day sometimes to enjoy its zaniness, and I suspect that I’m not the only one who feels that way. It is the type of story that is made fun of because it is supposed to be made fun of and came out of an era in which things were still changing but a story like this could still be considered counter or subculture. Here is where this new rendition of Rocky went wrong.

The first mistake here was actually in casting Laverne Cox to play Frankenfurter. Initially, when hearing of this casting I applauded it as I thought she could recreate the role for a new generation. But as I waited patiently throughout all of 2016, I slowly began to realize the tragic mistake they made in casting her. This has nothing to do with her acting ability but is totally about her gender and sexuality. Rocky Horror came from a time in which it was fun both for the squares like Janet and Brad in real life to treat the different and bizarre people-groups like entertainment vessels. While this sounds every bit like bullying, the film put this into perspective to say that this underlying culture was in on the joke. Therefore, in its own unique way, the film made it a safe space for both members of the White Bread Rally and the Alternative lifestyle groups to laugh, find some understanding and get along with each other if only for a short time. The ridiculousness of Rocky Horror’s caricatures of straights, gays, transgenders, and bisexuals allowed viewers to leave the film saying, “Well, nobody’s really that ridiculous on either side of the aisle. Everybody’s really just a person.” Somehow, I felt that sentiment vanished when placing an actual transwoman in the role.

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but Laverne has some very large breasts which, regardless of the rest of her anatomy, when fully clothed, puts her firmly into the camp of having a womanly figure. Where Tim Curry (and many other actors who have done the stage play for years) bring some androgyny to the role so that the character feels like a mocking send-up of what we think a transvestite or transsexual would look like. Here, Laverne just looks like a buxom woman, and not even like an over-the-top drag queen that could possibly lend some humor to the character. That, coupled with the fact that half the audience knows she’s a real transwoman makes the whole situation uncomfortable to laugh at again. Every time I started to laugh, I was quickly reminded of the real struggle and fight that transpeople endure to be treated as the gender they want, and how Laverne is the very embodiment of that struggle and partial triumph. In that way, it felt akin to a Trans Minstrel show—a sentiment made all the more prevalent by having the black Laverne dancing and singing for our viewing pleasure. It was a Transperson acting over-the-top Trans to prove that “Yessa, Massa, I am a weird alien creature that you should be a-frighted of.” It just didn’t feel right.

Also, with the exception of Riff Raff and Tim Curry as the narrator, I found most of the performances silly in a not-good way. Nothing came together as it should have and the story was lost in all of it. Ultimately, I half-felt like they were trying to make the film sexy, which ain’t Rocky and ain’t neva gon be Rocky Horror. Laverne looked too glam for the role and so did Milian and Justice, along with the movie theater usher. Where the original made fun of both sexual oppression and freedom, Rocky seemed to almost take it too seriously and tell us, “No, this IS sexy, see?” rather than entertain us with a wild and silly play on Mary Shelley’s classic Frankenstein.

So, to sum it up, some of the shows I watched this new season were pretty good, while others were so-so and I thought one was really bad. Sadly, I’ll probably never see some of the shows I mentioned above, unless they are good enough to make it into syndication years from now and I catch them in the six or seven o’clock hour as I play the TV in the background while making dinner—Hey, that is how I watched most of Everybody Loves Raymond. Until then, I haven’t the time nor energy to care. In fact, as I write this and lazily research the shows on this list (I just don’t put forth the effort with stuff I’m not about to watch; almost didn’t watch and review American Housewife and only now regret that I did), I realize that I incorrectly explained Joel McHale’s show The Great Indoors. It is a regular office comedy where he used to be a field reporter/journalist for outdoorsy magazines, now he is working for a new hip magazine. Nothing to do with sports apparel or outdoor stores. Sorry. Yawnnn! Gosh, E!, why did you have to abruptly cancel The Soup last year? Oh well.

What do you think? Have you seen any of the shows I mentioned on this list? Or The new Rocky Horror Picture Show, for that matter? What do you think of them? Are any your new favorite jam, or do they all fall in the dud category? And are those all the shows or did I miss some that even I don’t know about? I will say that I will earmark Shooter as the only one that I’ll potentially watch in the future only because Shantel Vansenten is in it and I've been wanting her to get some lead actress shine for a while, but some of my commitments would have to diminish. Anyway, let me know what you think and are watching (and loving) in the comments below.

Check out my 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. Both season 1 and season 2 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected here for updates on season 3 coming summer 2017. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series Extraordinary to premiere sometime this winter on Amazon and my blog. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, “Uh... Uh... No bueno?”

‘No, that’s definitely no bueno.’

P.S. Dear goodness, out of all the Mark Wahlberg films I’ve seen, I can’t remember practically a signal line of dialogue from his characters, save from that wimpy line about fake money being ‘no bueno’ from the terrible film Contraband? That doesn’t bode well. Seriously, why have I seen so many Mark Wahlberg movies? I’ve seen practically his entire filmography and had no clue. Here’s a challenge for you: pick a star who you don’t think you’ve seen very many movies of and actually go see how many movies of theirs that you have seen. I thought I had seen a dozen Wahlberg movies, tops! I’ve actually seen 30 of his movies and he is only credited with 46 acting roles, three of which aren’t even out yet. Oh my goodness! Am I a Mark Wahlberg super-fan? Ahh! This P.S. has gone on for too long and it’s totally freaking me out. I’ll come up with a better sign-off next time.

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