Being
Different Isn’t Always Bad #TheGifted #FOX #3weekroundup #recap
#review
All pictures courtesy of FOX and Marvel
And
the reviews for this season’s new shows just keep comin’. Today
we are looking at FOX’s new comic book superhero show The Gifted.
So, will this comic book drama send-up make us all feel blessed to be
in its presents, or should this gift have come with a receipt
for easy return? Let’s find out together.
FOX’s
The Gifted is one of their first expansions of the X-men brand into
the television realm. With last year’s Legion on FX a
quasi-success, the execs over at FOX decided they needed to keep
expanding their ever-growing X-men universe. But while Marvel Studios
properties like Agents of SHIELD, Inhumans and the Defenders
spin-offs are all definitely concretely connected to the more
expansive cinematic universe and in very defined and deliberate ways
(even if the fandom wants more connectivity), The Gifted waffles on
where it wants to fit into the X-men film universe. And with the
jumbling of the X-men timeline in the films and Hugh Jackman no
longer playing Wolverine, maybe it’s a good thing that this show
only timidly references the X-men and what happened to them. However,
before I start this review in earnest, I would venture to say that
the show takes place in some years before the events in the film
Logan, meaning that it is not part of the official timeline of the
other past X-men films, including the most recent Apocalypse. I know
other articles and critics have stated what timeline the studio has
implied it is or what they think, but I’m gonna go with the one in
Logan. Note: I have not seen Logan but read plenty about it. OK?
Lorna
The
Gifted follows one family that meets up with a band of mutant
renegades, for lack of a better word. We begin by showing the
renegades. A lizard-eyed woman played by Jamie Chung, Blink is
fleeing from a detention center where we can only assume that they
kept mutants. As she tries escaping from a brigade of police down an
alley, we see her powers of transportation. She jumps into a portal
and jumps out across the city where the renegades are actively
looking for her. Blink has never met these three before yet they know
that she is a mutant and want to help her. The group consists of
Eclipse the leader—he is a being of pure hot-white light with the
skin-cloak of a human; John Proudstar who seems to have some sort of
electric power and/or a tracking power that allows him to sense when
other mutants are in the vicinity; and Lorna Dane who has a metallic
power similar to Magneto’s where she can bend, push and manipulate
any metals in her area (Note: After researching the show further, I
learned that Lorna is supposed to be Magneto’s daughter). Lorna and
Eclipse are dating and it is revealed early on that Lorna is pregnant
with his light-goo baby, but this is only after she is captured. See,
while trying to rescue Blink, the cops come and surround the place.
The group manages to escape out the back but a cop shoots Eclipse to
show all of his light about to pour out. Lorna goes all “don’tchu
be messin’ wit my man” and tries to kill the cop and his backup.
And in a devastating case of when keeping it real goes wrong, she is
captured while the others are forced to get away.
Then,
we finally catch up with the family. We learn from the offset that in
this family of four, the son is being bullied at school. The bullying
is so bad that his parents have had to get involved. His father Reed
Strucker (played by Stephen Moyer of True Blood fame) is some
high-powered attorney who has been dealing intimately with mutant
cases for a few years now. Apparently, as we are to understand,
something huge and destructive happened with the X-men. They are gone
and there was some sort of mutant war that eradicated most of the
mutants and killed tons of innocent people. Again, this could be
referring to the fight between Magneto’s side and Professor X’s
side in X-men: The Last Stand from the first trilogy or something to
happen in a future movie, or something in the Days of Future Past
timeline, but I’m going with the pre-Logan timeline. Anyway, now
people are all rather freaked about mutants and there are a lot more
stringent laws and protocols that dictate how mutants are supposed to
be dealt with. He’s part of that enforcement but is hardly the bad
guy that the trailers and commercials for this show make him out to
be. Don’t be fooled!
Eclipse and Reed Strucker
Anyway,
Reed is married to Kate Strucker who, for all intents and purposes,
is not shown to be much of anything. Even though it is revealed in
the second episode that she is a nurse she plays very much like a
housewife, and a characterless one at that. The only interaction or
dialogue she ever has is concerning the children. She’s,
essentially, a Care-bot 5000 who would cease to exist upon her
children’s deaths. I would have liked it if we got to see and hear
more about how she feels about mutants as a whole. Just the concept
of mutants. But maybe this show is too focused to round out the
characters as she isn’t the only one who plays a little flat.
Reed
threatens the head school guy with a lawsuit if they don’t try
doing something about the bullying, but quickly eases back into the
caring, goofy dad—the model for what we all want as a father or the
man we want to grow to be if we are already into adulthood. He’s
stern but kind and tries to be fair. Yet he, like his wife, is
fiercely protective of his brood. Such are Mr. and Mrs. Strucker.
Then
we have the daughter who, I’m guessing, is the eldest though I’m
very unsure about that as they look and play the exact same age to me
(about 15). That’s neither here nor there. The daughter is Lauren
Strucker who is shown as the assumed All-American girl-next-door type
who has a modicum of popularity (people know her but she’s probably
not this year’s prom queen) and a boyfriend which gives her added
social capital. I’d like to tell you more about how she plays into
the normal teen dynamic but they only spend about ten minutes of
showtime (if that) in high school. Both she and her brother are
thrust out of that world and into the full adult world before the end
of the episode. Lauren is a mutant who has had her powers for at
least three years (preteens, maybe longer) and never bothered to tell
her parents. In the first episode, I’m not even sure she had told
her brother before his incident. Her power has something to do with
pushing and/or perception. I still couldn’t tell as she can make
things move with her mind but she can also leave this weird
bubble-glass looking anomaly in front of people so that they can’t
walk forward any further. It’s very undefined.
Lauren’s
brother Andy is the one being bullied. Your typical wiry, mop-headed
wallflower, Andy fields the barbs of three large jock bullies at high
school. While he seems to want to be protective of his sister as the
brother, she is more protective of him. Wow! It’s strange that I’m
actually struggling to write his bio as I thought it would flow easy
like his sister’s did, but outside of him having been bullied
there’s nothing all that amazing or noteworthy about his character.
We don’t know if he’s a nerd, a gamer, a computer geek, or just a
loser with no discernible talent before getting his powers. We do
know that he isn’t as popular as his sister and that’s about it.
He sneaks out with his sister (his sister is out legitimately) to go
to the school dance. There, he sees the bullies who take him into the
locker room shower and spray him with ice-cold water.
And
then he starts to scream.
His
screams nearly bring down the entire gym just a few feet away. The
screams bend the metal showerheads, burst the tiles and send the
bullies flying back into the lockers. His sister intuitively knows
that it’s her brother and runs to him to calm him down. They escape
back home but with the bullies having not been knocked
unconscious and left able to see the whole bizarre event, it doesn’t
take long for the police to show up at the Strucker family house.
Those special guidelines for mutants kick in and the kids must go
with them. Mama Strucker refuses, they push her to the ground and the
kids get pissed. Lauren reveals her powers to her mother and they
barely escape after the police get held up by Lauren’s weird
bubble-glass power. They have to call Papa Strucker to tell him that
the kids are mutants and he’s all like, “Lady-dude, whaaaaaat!”
Mind blown.
Meanwhile,
before the whole school incident, Reed was in the prison where they
are keeping Lorna. The standard hard plastic case just like with
Magneto, he informs her of her pregnancy as even she didn’t know
and she loses it. On the other end, Blink tells her new homies at the
Mutants Underground HQ that she can’t teleport into Eclipse’s
girl’s cell because if she tried to use her powers to go somewhere
that she hadn’t previously seen, it could be disastrous and end up
slicing her in half or something like that. And then Eclipse gets a
call from Reed. On the run with his family, Reed is willing to leave
the country to go somewhere with laxer mutant laws like Mexico but
needs help in figuring out how to hide, duck and dodge the cops until
they can make it to the border. He is willing to trade whatever
favors he can with the Mutants Underground leader to help get the
guy’s baby mama (oh yeah, Reed reveals it to Eclipse) out of prison
before she pops.
So
papa Strucker and Eclipse have an agreement. His family is going to
go with the Underground Mutants network to get them to safety while
he stays behind and works whatever magic he can to get Lorna out of
prison. But before they can get to the hideout, they are ambushed by
a bunch of cops led by Jace Turner. I’m not really sure if he’s a
detective or what, but I do know that he works on the special
services mutant containment team and deals with these “freaks” on
a regular basis. He and his people corner the family and here, both I
and the show will jump back to mention that Eclipse left the mutant
HQ without telling his bro that he was leaving, and forcing Blink to
keep his departure a secret. Only after Blink tells Proudstar do they
leave and, serendipitously meet the family and Eclipse right when the
cops have both sides of the street blocked. Where’d they come from?
Don’t know. How do they expect to escape the cops on foot? Also a
mystery. But we let it go in favor of a cool action scene.
Instead
of hopping out of their cars and giving chase, the cops undo this
strange briefcase thing. In it, it has the tentacle robots from The
Matrix, and I was like, “Wow! How the hell did FOX get permission
to use the tentacle robots from The Matrix trilogy on their show?”
These things puff their tentacles out into a ball and roll across the
floor to chase after the family and mutants. And you’re thinkin’
“This seems like a job for Blink’s teleportation port-hole
powers.” So, she creates a portal but struggles to keep it open and
we are cemented with the idea that she is very new to her powers,
which begs the question of how old she is supposed to be as, up until
now, we’ve really only seen the majority of mutants realizing they
had these powers in their teens, not generally well into adulthood,
but I digress.
Blink
opens a portal, everyone but Reed jumps through. Andy does his weird
yelling smash-power thing and stays just long enough in the building
with his father to see Reed get shot in the lower back.
Episode
two starts with the end of the portal jump again. Everyone is
freaking out for their own reason. The family is going crazy because
they just saw Reed go down with a bullet and don’t know if he
survived as he is still in that abandoned warehouse where the police
would be coming to get him shortly. But Eclipse and Proudstar are
freaking because Blink passes out and convulses a little as she can’t
handle what just happened. She had never done a jump that far before.
She traveled miles and held the portal for everyone to go through.
They have to get her back to the HQ where they find that something
more ailing is wrong with her as she has lost consciousness and is
randomly creating portals. She creates a portal in the middle of the
road somewhere that sees a truck try to swerve to hit it and the
entire rear of the pickup cut off in the portal and came sliding
through to the mutants and family’s side, nearly running a few of
them over. Now, not only is Blink so sick that she needs to go to the
hospital (and we learn that Mama Strucker is supposedly a nurse
though we’ve seen none of her nursing) but a few of the others are
injured too, but they’ll be alright. The portal opens again but
Lauren is able to close this one with her powers.
Meanwhile,
their father, who was taken down by the sentinels, ends up in an
interrogation room with Jace who wants to know where the kids went.
He ain’t sayin’ nothin’. So they try to charge him with
colluding with terrorists because he went against protocol and showed
Lorna her health report that said she was preggers. Speaking of,
Lorna who has an X name of Polaris, adapts to the prison where a
shock collar is put on all of the “muties” to discourage their
power use. Some mean bee-otch that has control over the other mutants
inside but is all human tries to make her do her bidding. When she
threatens to beat the unborn baby out of her, Lorna powers through
the shock collar to throw a metal table at her. Congratulations,
you’ve won a trip to solitary.
Back
with the group, Kate leaves with Eclipse to go steal some medicine
for Blink. They use Kate’s supposed nurse’s rep to get the drugs.
Eclipse reveals his taped-over gunshot wound from the first episode
to get them into the back. The doctor patches him while Kate steals
the drugs and they barely slip out the back to get back to the
Underground HQ. They return to find Blink’s portal sickness has
worsened to where portals are randomly generating all around the
building and a SWAT team was trying to breach through the one where
the truck came through. So Kate plays hero against all odds and runs
in to give Blink the proper dose of meds. She has to jump through
portals to get down to her as the stairs are gone and the building’s
a mess. She gives her the meds and things immediately clear.
Back
in the police station, Jace threatens Reed’s mother who he dragged
in for questioning, too. Reed insists that he wants to make a deal in
which he goes down for any and all crimes and his family are kept
safe. But Jace wants the Mutant Underground as part of this deal.
Reed must decide whether to give up the very people he just entrusted
his family with or not, but he doesn’t take long to make that
decision.
Episode
three sees the family and the mutants at odds with how to best do
things. Kate and the kids leave in the middle of the night to see if
they can’t rescue Papa Strucker and use the system to get him free
from wherever he is. The mutants are trying hard to train Blink and
push her to learn how to use her powers so that she will be inclined
to use them to help break into Lorna’s prison. But while Kate
struggles with old friends not having any loyalty to let them stay at
their houses for a while, another mutant named Dreamer (played by
Elena Satine) proposes that they do a mind dive into Blink’s psyche
to implant some dreams and memories that would spur her on to think
that Lorna was her best friend. This way Blink would have someone and
something to focus on when trying to control her powers.
Meanwhile,
Reed gets rigged with some kind of high-tech bug that will help Jace
track him back to the Mutants Underground. He goes to the same bar
where he met Eclipse and gets the owner to take him toward the mutant
safe house. But he isn’t the only one going. A mother and daughter
are also going in search of a new life after the husband/father was
taken by the special sentinel services police. The mother is able to
take away the pain of Reed’s gunshot (an immobilization bullet, not
a real one) and he changes his mind about doing this. He is thrown
out of the transport and gets a talking from Jace.
Well,
the rest of the Strucker family goes to Kate’s brother’s house
and spends the night. But before they have breakfast in the morning a
group of angry pitchforkers come to the house after seeing a picture
of a trophy that Andy messed up real bad with his powers. They manage
to get into the car but then they must escape. But to escape they
need a portal, so Dreamer gives Blink a forced memory that makes her
think she was once/still is in love with Proudstar. The memory is
actually one of Dreamer’s real memories because she wants to jump
Proudstar’s bones on the daily. Once again, the day is saved, but
Proudstar is pissed and Kate learns that Reed is still alive and is
determined to see him again.
The
acting is decent from all involved, though they haven’t really had
to stretch themselves much. The series has been rather bland for the
most part. Have they bothered to make the political stance of how
people abnormally fear and hate that which is different? Yes, but not
in any meaningful way that hasn’t been explored in all the other
X-Men films. Wait... Now I know what it is about this show that
bothers me: it’s essentially a watered-down version of an X-Men
film, except without a wolverine and without a Professor X. I would
give a strong nod to Andy and/or Lorna becoming the Magneto of the
show (being just like her father. Damn that dude was laying a lot of
magnetic pipe in his life, and he’s still mad as hell after getting
all that free love. Sad). I also think the most likable character on
the show is at a tie between Blink and Lauren. But outside of that,
there’s almost no difference between this and one of the movies,
save for the quality of the special effects and people not having
costumes. The storyline isn’t exceptionally deep and hardly makes
good commentary on refugees fleeing their own countries, but it’s a
time-killer and it has the power to be something great. All the
elements are there. Again, it’s just like every single X-Men movie
ever made: the potential to be great but most don’t quite make it.
Should
you be watching? If you like the X-Men films and what they’ve done
for the last two decades, then chances are you will like this TV
version even if it doesn’t have your favorite named characters. But
if you were here looking for another Legion or something similar to
the Marvel-Netflix shows, then look elsewhere. This is family fun
with little substance, but does manage to keep your attention with a
plethora of characters to like and identify with. The Gifted airs on
FOX Mondays at 9pm EST. Catch up on FOX on Demand.
What
do you think? Have you heard of The Gifted? If you haven’t, do you
think you’ll check it out now? And if you have heard of it, have
you seen it? Did you like it? What do you think they can improve? How
do you think Blink’s new love interest in Proudstar will impact the
team and the family? And will Andy finally lose it and kill someone
at some point, causing his family to have to abandon him? Let me know
in the comments below.
If
you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel
#AFuriousWind, the
NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or
the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen.
For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult,
check out #TheWriter.
Seasons 1, 2 and 3 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected
here for updates on season 4 coming summer 2018. If you like fast
action/crime check out #ADangerousLow.
The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the
mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series Extraordinary
on Amazon. Season 2 of that coming real soon. And look for the
mystery novels The Knowledge of Fear #KnowFear and The Man on the
Roof #TMOTR coming this fall/winter. Twisty novels as good as Gone
Girl or The Girl on the Train, you won’t want to miss them. Join us
on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow
my blog with that Google+ button to the right.
Until next time, “We’re gonna go on
the run. Only take the essentials.”
‘OK. Should we take our cats?’
“Yes to Mrs. Pettibone, but not Mr.
Fluffykins. That cat’s been a real dick to me.’
P.S.
That’s not even from a movie but I totally wish it was. Seriously,
though, how many movies/shows are we going to see in which we have
the X-men mutants trying to hide their powers or fight for equality?
It’s getting tired and not adding anything new to the actual fight
for equal rights and justice in this country or around the world.
Third Highest-rated Comic Book Movie Ever? Why? #WonderWoman #Review #comicbookmovie #Spoilers
So, I just saw Wonder Woman (#WonderWoman), and after reading online that it was not only good but that it was the third highest-rated comic book movie ever, I had high expectations. However, I also had to temper them knowing that this was another DCEU film and that they are three films deep into this thing and it has yet to get on the right track. But were the critics right? Did DC and Warner Bros. Finally right the ship, or is all of this talk of this film being good total bunk? Keep reading to find out.
Let me first start by saying that I absolutely called this a year or even more ago (it was either in a Suicide Squad review or in my Batman v. Superman review, I can’t remember. Although, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I ever posted my Suicide Squad review. I’m too busy to remember these things, and this parenthetical is already running too long, so...). What, you ask, did I call? The good movie reviews. I knew this was going to be a movie that you had to judge not just for what is on the screen but for all the things going on outside of the film, mainly politics and big money. I also called that this would be the first “successful” DC film as far as critics go. And, I even called some of the headlines that literally read: “Wonder Woman Shows the Men How to Do It” and “Of Course A Woman Would Save the DCEU.” OK, those are paraphrased or off by a few words, but I guarantee you can find those types of headlines all over the internet and in various publications. Remember, I called this before ever seeing the movie because I knew, regardless of whether the film was good or not, it was going to get a majority of good reviews. Why? We all know why, but before you push me aside and say I’m being sexist, hear two things: first, know that I’ve been pretty right on a lot of my predictions about the DCEU (still don’t know why we call it that instead of the DCCU) even dating back to Man of Steel, but that was before I had this blog and you couldn’t possibly know that so... Second, while I have been known to make plenty of remarks that can be construed as sexist, I am not, in any way, against female superheroes nor against Wonder Woman. And third—or, wait, did I say just two things? I meant and second part deux, while most of my criticism has nothing to do with the superhero being a woman, some of it does have to do with the fact that I still would like to write (read: reboot) the DC universe and do some Superman movies and a Justice League movie of my own, and know that the success of this current iteration may stand in the way of that if they decide to continue in perpetuity. Gahh! OK, we ready? We all good? Let’s get to it.
Do not believe the hype, Wonder Woman has fixed almost nothing in the DCEU. And, while I hate to say this let’s get this out of the way first before I level my criticism: yes, most of the reviews stem from the fact that she is a woman superhero, which has caused many critics and fanboys to overlook some of the film’s glaring mistakes. There, now with that said, let’s take the sexism blinders off and start looking at the film through the lenses of being the “third highest-rated superhero/comic book movie of all time” and being a “DCEU film.” We’ll start with the same criticism that some feminist might say to me: “Oh, if it was a guy, you’d love the film.” No, I would not. In fact, I know this unequivocally because it is essentially the mash-up of two other male-driven superhero films: Man of Steel and the first Captain America. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked Captain America, however, a lot of people didn’t and I understand why. But we can’t take some of the same criticisms we had of those films and completely ignore them here.
Women Warriors! Loved The Look. Story Is Flawed
For starters, at the beginning of Man of Steel and Wonder Woman, we see life as it is on the planet/island/realm from which our hero/heroine originates. I like that Themyscria is given some screen time, however, unlike in Man of Steel, I never quite felt as immersed in the island and its culture. To me, unlike in Man of Steel (which, I thought Krypton was one of the best parts of that movie), we don’t get as much world building and what we do get feels lackluster. OK, there’s some kind of hierarchy and they spend all their time training and fighting all day, but that’s about it. Not only do we not get great world building, the rules of the film are hardly defined here. I know, they did that little cartoon history lesson (again, just like in Man of Steel) to show how the island came to be, but everything went so fast, I only half-paid attention.
The rules? Right. As I was saying, while they are on the island I never get a full understanding of who the Amazons are. So, in that history story we have the gods, right? And we have the people. Did Zeus make a secondary race between gods and people in order to keep people from killing themselves and that’s what the Amazons are? Again, if we are just talking about the film and NOT the comics which are filled with lore and answers for every question, the film doesn’t properly answer this, because if they are just normal people, then how do they live so long? Does that island-protection spell also have something to do with keeping them ageless? Or has time stopped on the island? I just, I don’t understand. Assuming that they fought this great war back when Greeks ruled the world, that would make the island and every inhabitant thousands of years old, including Diana, right, because Zeus is dead and the last thing he did was make Hippolyta’s clay daughter Pinocchio to life. And if it wasn’t during Greek reign, then when (and why are they dressed akin to Greeks)? Or does the film technically start during ancient days (remember, historians, Greeks ruled even before Romans so we’re talking 3000 years ago here) and Diana slowly grows over the course of 100s of years? And for that matter, since she is the only child on the island, how is she the only one aging?
I hope by this time you’re starting to see that a lot of my criticisms really aren’t going to be sex-based. Granted, you can say that this criticism was a nit-pick but it really confused me because of Batman v. Superman. In that movie, Diana is shown once again not to have aged since World War I. And while we know that Captain Steve Rogers in Captain America was put into a deep freeze that the super-soldier potion allowed him to live through into modern day, we are given no standard by which Diana ages neither on the island nor in the world of man. However, maybe she returns to the island in-between the end of Wonder Woman and Batman v. Superman, which could explain her absence during Man of Steel. If we think of it that way, then she only pops out every few years or so as a vacation into man’s realm, just so she can be seen on camera because the island itself is magic.
I wish the island criticism stopped there but it doesn’t because while I can piece together how Steve Trevor just happened to fly through the island’s barrier after it had remained hidden after however many years—Diana smacking her arm bracelets and sending out that power wave—I can’t, for the life of me figure out why it was so easy to kill these women. Again, what the hell are they? If they’re gods, how weak of them. If they’re demi-gods, same thing. If they’re just regular humans on a magical island, then shouldn’t the island have more magical stuff that could heal them from things like gunshots and whatnot? I know, a gun is a gun, but you see them all training for so long, so many years, and suddenly the slaughter is on when a tiny brigade of men come? Really? Really? So, in other words, ladies, you can work your ass off, get all the education you want and could possibly ever need, do everything right for years and as soon as you’re up against a man for anything, you’re never going to be good enough? Maybe that is the artistic point they’re trying to make there, an ironic commentary on real-life women routinely getting passed up for positions they are qualified for, and if it is, then I can accept that. But I also wish they had done it in a better way that set clear boundaries as to what these women can and can’t do. With Superman, while you’ve always had some abilities ambiguity, Krypton has always been portrayed as a planet with a bunch of regular people. Superman, therefore, gets his powers from our yellow sun and hasn’t been born with them. The whole Wonder Woman movie (before the end, which I could have guessed even if I didn’t know anything about the comics), I kept thinking to myself after that beach scene, “Why don’t they just shoot her? Just shoot Wonder Woman. Two to the gut and this’ll be over.” And not at her like all the gunmen did, but actually shoot her. Catch her from the back or in the leg. Her shins may have been guarded but her thigh was out and easily shot. But I digress.
Moving on, in this opening we get the textbook definition of, “Well, it’s not OK when I do it, but you can do it all you want?” that men and women have complained about to each other since the dawn of this current society's feminism. For years, we’ve heard a chorus of people say that little boys should be admonished for wanting to rough-house and seek out rather violent ways of expression. We’ve had articles on how little boys playing warriors or cops and robbers, or playing violent video games is wrong and it reinforces “the patriarchal archetype of boys wanting violence,” yet in this film, Diana explicitly wants violence as a child. Unlike, say... Rey in Star Wars, she doesn’t just want to go out to explore beyond her island home, she is looking to conquer. She is born and raised in a fight culture that glorifies battle and whose sole purpose is to train and ready themselves for a war against man and Ares.
Now, while this criticism is overtly sexist, I have to also mention that some of the critics and fans didn’t like the first Captain America because of Steve Roger’s lust for war. Even though he wanted to go to WWII in order to help his brothers, some saw it as a lust for violence, which is the same thing Diana has here and throughout the movie. There literally is no other motivation, save for to murder.
Speaking of murder, this movie has the same exact problem that made so many critics hate Man of Steel: the death toll. Granted, maybe at this point in time we’ve gotten so used to our heroes killing people that we’ve become numb to it, but if that is the case, then I contend that we need to all go back and re-view Man of Steel in this light because it could change the entirety of how we view the film. In a universe where both Batman and Superman kill (two superheroes who were always determined not to kill at any cost), I thought maybe Diana would take the lead here and show the boys how it was done. But no. Yes, Diana is a warrior but again, why is it OK for her to kill at will and cause destruction but not any other superhero? We are shown a few scenes in which she slices the throats of some of the Nazi soldiers; she shield-bursts through a sniper’s tower (very similar, albeit fewer victims, to Superman and Zod bashing into buildings), and stabs through the guy who she thought was Ares all Terminator 2 style (remember that final scene where T-2 stabs Arnold through, then Arnold has to pull the rod out? Totally reminded me of that). And this, of course, is after the beach slaughter.
Granted, it’s war and people do die, but the whole point of superheroes was for them to be better than regular heroes like soldiers and firefighters. Batman didn’t kill Joker, even though he was evil incarnate. Superman wasn’t supposed to kill Lex Luthor even though, again, he was a bad guy. Wonder Woman? Eh! Kill whoever you want, they’re just Nazis.
And as if that weren’t bad enough, we have to hear her run around the entire movie talking about how badly she wants to “kill” Ares. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word “kill” in a superhero movie that often, and especially not coming out of the mouth of the superhero. The villain, sure. But the hero (heroine) having a killgasm like that? No. As an aside, I thought this was actually bad writing as they couldn’t come up with another word other than kill? Even Deadpool had other ways of saying what he wanted to do.
And one more thing about the murder rate in this thing, that end scene where she goes all hell-hath-no-fury on all of those soldiers either proves my killgasm point or is the worst, most blatant, “See? They’re really not dead and all is well,” cover-up since Batman v. Superman’s line about “luckily downtown is empty and everybody’s gone home for this death battle with Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and Doomsday.” This woman was lifting up tanks and exploding through buildings just a scene ago. You’re telling me that when she loses her cool and can’t control her rage, her punches and kicks aren’t killing soldiers? Give me a break.
Then there are the characters. Steve Trevor is... sigh. To me, he was very one note. I liked the scene in which he and Diana are talking in the baths and he talks about his father. And I also liked the boat scene (though, I have gripes about that one too), but other than that, I found a lot of his scenes ushering on the movie. There was a lot of, “OK, Diana, we have to go. No, we can’t do that, we have to be here. Now we have to be here.” It felt more like he was a theater-house usher than a real character. And that dancing scene felt charmless to me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not a fan of Chris Pine as he is also just OK to me in Star Trek. So, I’ll leave it at that. I suppose I can buy the romance between them. And also, what was he? I missed it when he said his rank and all of that. I know he’s a spy, but was he supposed to be American working with Brits? It just stood out because everyone else in the film has a thick accent, then he doesn’t. Confusing.
Anyway, the other characters were fine, albeit forgettable. I did find the scene between Diana and the Native American ironic, but I’m not going to waste time explaining why. But moving to the villains, well... sigh. To me, they were actually quite useless, almost as useless as most Marvel villains. I felt like Danny Huston’s character (can’t even remember his name he was so pointless; the general dude) was literally thrown into the movie as a red herring for the sake of having a red herring. Look, I don’t know the history of that particular character, so when I’m watching the film I want something explained to me. Why the hell is he taking that pill/capsule? Who was he really? And how did that capsule “restore him” or whatever? You see what I mean when I say red herring? He was there solely so you could think he was Ares. For a film that was touted as “reinvigorating the comic book genre,” I found this to be wholly unoriginal and uninspired. I didn’t even see the point of his evil, which is really hard to do with a character that is a Nazi. In comparing him to Red Skull, we at least knew that the red guy had other plans that superseded even the Furor’s and would continue regardless of what happened with the war. Here, does Huston’s character want to rule the world, is a psychopath that likes killing people for the sake of it, or what? He doesn’t seem to sway strongly either way. He doesn’t even seem to have a seething hatred for the enemy, he’s just... there, because why not?
Again, Huston’s character is there for the sake of throwing you off to think that he is Ares. A braver, smarter idea would have been to make Ares’ character genderless or gender-ambiguous in the opening story so that then they could have the doctor lady be suspected as Ares, only to have it be the British bloke or vice versa. I have not and will not ever understand women (and some men) who argue against a female superhero having a female villain to fight. The question of “why can’t they fight a man” is stupid to me. Yes, they can fight a man but when thinking about casting a film and the roles in a film, there are so few female villains, you’d think that Wonder Woman would have a strong one. Especially considering that villain roles are so often described as being some of the best, juiciest roles. Cate Blanchett looks absolutely wicked in the Thor: Ragnarok trailers and the female villains on ABC’s Once Upon A Time are so sinfully good. If the chemist woman was the main villain throughout most of the film, it would have made for a braver narrative. Instead, they had her as a secondary villain character, then are foolish enough to not even have a single scene of meaningful interaction between her and the heroine. And if you wanna talk patriarchy, Wonder Woman, after being raised in a matriarchal society, still somehow sees the evil woman as the delicate, helpless victim. And she spares her. Are you serious? “Yo, I’mma kill all these dudes because, you know, men are disposable and that’s what soldiers do, they die, but as soon as I see one woman, I’ve got to come to my senses and claim that love defeats all.” How is this any different than that Man of Steel family-at-the-museum scene that so many people hated? Seriously? The only difference is that Wonder Woman, unlike Superman, gets to actually say her piece on why she believes the villain is wrong, and uh... of course, it’s got somethin’ to do with love. But with that said, I believe Ares was pretty good for the tiny bit of screen time he had as the revealed villain. In fact, I dare call the performance inspired. Were he to have stayed around he could have been DC's Loki, but instead we are left with the sniveling Lex to fill that position, so... yeah.
While I thought that the linear storytelling was good this time around as opposed to Man of Steel’s time jumps, I still felt that the pacing was off here. There were huge swaths of this movie in which nothing of importance really happened. How many scenes do we honestly need of Trevor explaining the ravages of war to Diana? And the climax felt clunky and more distracting than anything as they switched back and forth between Wonder Woman and the others trying to stop the planes. It felt like they didn’t stay with one for longer than a minute at a time, which more so distracted than intensified the tension. It felt very much like how they kept cutting away from the Doomsday battle to show Lois being useless and the military being useless in Batman v. Superman. Hell, even the scene in which they’re trying to dress her goes on for too long. I can’t believe that a shopping montage went on for too long, yet it did. It blows my mind. But again, I digress.
Now, there are a ton of other nitpicks that I can make that I’m sure will one day be pointed out on CinemaSins, so I’ll just run through them here. First off (and this is definitely a personal nitpick), why do all of the superheroes now suddenly have their costumes just lying around? And more importantly why are the costumes always the exact colors that just happen to align with America? “Oh, we’re going to fight on the Allied side of WWI? I just happen to have a red, white and blue costume ready to go (I know it red, gold and blue but you get the point). Oh, I’m Superman and I’m from another planet? I just happen to have a blue jumpsuit with a red cape. How coincidental those are American colors.” Face-palm! Again, this movie was touted as being refreshingly new and invigorating to the superhero genre, yet... Just like in Man of Steel we get a, “Noooo!” scene at the death of a key character; just like in Man of Steel we get a strange apocalyptic vision/dream sequence in which the real villain shows our hero/heroine the world that could be (sans the cool skull sinkhole); we literally even get the same shot/plot point of a character long-diving off of a structure and going into water (Jor-el did it in Man of Steel, Diana does it on the island to go save Trevor; we have no hidden identity (Trevor was always meant to know but he then proceeds to tell everybody who will listen what kind of a wack job he’s traveling with); we get the destruction of a small town (like Smallville); we get a clip of our heroine walking through fire at the end (like when Clark saved the oil rig); we get an alley fight to show that Diana can still be a badass even when dressed in office clothes (ala Captain America); we get someone dying in and/or exploding in a plane (ala Captain America and Man of Steel with Meloni’s character being sucked into the phantom zone/drive thing); we get literally the same scene but in reverse in which the main villain is dressing for the final fight (in Man of Steel, Zod shakes off his spacesuit armor piece by piece to reveal an all-black under-suit, whereas in Wonder Woman Ares assembles his armor piece by piece into an all-black exo-suit); just like in Man of Steel, our hero/heroine must destroy/kill/defeat the last remaining person of their race (Zod and Kal-el are the last remaining Kryptonians; Diana and Ares are the last remaining gods, though Diana is a demi-god), and finally we get no clear definition of a code of honor or what the hero lives by. And this is still discounting the flaws that her powers, for the most part, go undefined (so, she can be cut by a regular blade but never sustains any other damage? I mean, her hair isn’t even tousled at the end); Zeus’ powers also go somewhat undefined (so, a god can just make other gods without doing the, uh... you know? Or is it only demi-gods he can create from virtually nothing?); and she essentially, has the exact opposite origin of Superman (so, where Kal-el was the only child born from natural “make-sex” ways, bucking the trend of genetic engineering, Diana is the only child engineered from clay and given life by a god. Yes, it takes a very subtle amount of massaging, but they’re virtually the antithesis of each other). But this is one of the highest-rated comic book movies of all time? Then what is Man of Steel?
What’s my grade? I give it a slightly higher grade than Batman v. Superman, a C+. Listen, there is no way that this movie is anything other than average. Was it OK? Yes, but it does not deserve to be rated as one of the top three great comic book movies of all time, and that did, unfortunately, influence my grade. If we’re even going there, the general list should start off in no particular order: Superman, Superman II, The Dark Knight, The Avengers, Batman and Iron Man. But because it’s Wonder Woman and there’s a woman lead, there’s a glossiness here. To me, the gloss is made even worse by people saying that it’s the first female-led superhero movie, forgetting about Elektra and Catwoman. Hell, that is almost as big of a slight as those Hollywood execs who, every three years or so, claim “women-led films don’t make money” forgetting about Gone with the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?, Misery, Aliens, Sixteen Candles, The Hunger Games, a ba-thousand horror films in which women play both canon fodder and heroine routinely and on and on. And the worst thing is that I know this will happen just the same when Black Panther comes out. Suddenly, everyone is going to forget about Blank Man, Meteor Man, Steel and Spawn, and claim, “Oh my god, it’s the first black superhero.” No, he is not. No, she was not.
I will, however, give them some credit because they did improve on some of the humorous elements, although that boat scene between her and Trevor almost epitomized the argument that some men and boys make against rape culture claims. Dressing how you want is one thing and I wouldn’t stop you from doing that, but don’t badger a guy to sleep next to you, talk about sex in innuendo fashion or otherwise, and then expect nothing to happen or for him to not have mixed signals. It just really made me feel uncomfortable because it’s telling both young girls and boys that courting/engaging in that kind of behavior is fine when neither of you should be putting yourself in a situation where something you don’t want to happen could happen. The conversation should literally have been, “Why don’t you want to sleep right next to me?” “Because you’re a woman and I’m a man. Period.” There’s nothing to argue about there. Don’t try to test him or his manhood by challenging him to do what you want, but I digress. I thought that the CGI was adequate and the acting was OK. Yes, I do still think that Gal has a lot of room for improvement but I thought she was bolstered by the cast of bit players and middling stars. Nobody in the cast was such a huge star that they outshined her just by being on the screen, not even Chris Pine who could often melt into the background.
While I will say that it is criminal that Patty Jenkins hasn’t gotten another film to direct since Monster, after watching this, I actually thought that this was the picture Zack Snyder wanted to direct more than anything. A lot of people kept saying after Batman v. Superman that Batman was more his style because of the darkness, but Wonder Woman was definitely his thing. If you look at the film, it has literally every hallmark of a Snyder film. It had the opportunity to be as dark as it wanted to be because it was a war film; had the blood and sandals style of 300; used the same type of slow-mo shots; followed a warrior who literally could kill anyone she wanted to; had a group of people protecting themselves from the encroaching evil that lurks just beyond their borders ala Dawn of the Dead; and like that Dawn of the Dead movie, has a band of misfits that come together to survive as they also wade through dangerous territory. You look at all of his films and he’s always done better with a bigger cast, rather than focused on one star and a bunch of supporting characters, whether that be in Dawn, 300, Guardians of Ga’Hoole, Watchmen or Sucker Punch. Focusing on darker world building was always his thing. That, however, does not make me more hopeful for Justice League.
I still think that it is as I predicted when I said that Wonder Woman would be accepted by most: Justice League will return to mediocrity for critics, there will not be a Justice League part 2 (at least not for a while), there won’t be a Man of Steel 2, they’ll continue for two more sequels with Wonder Woman, and they’ll have only one other successful character, but all the other plans will languish in development hell (currently, my bet on the other character is Aquaman but I reserve the right to see Justice League before calling it). In fact, I believe that the reason why they even chose WWI was to specifically distance Wonder Woman from the rest of the shared universe. They did everything they could to make it its own film completely apart from the JL universe. Yes, some will argue that they stayed true to the roots by using one of the world wars, but they could’ve chosen any war. The world has been in wars and conflicts ever since the fall of the British empire. They could’ve chosen the Vietnam or Korean war or et cetera, but we got WWI, and I partially think another reason the film rated so high is because critics love war films. For whatever reason, war films tend to almost always rate extremely high.
Just remember, folks, that these movies are based highly on the box office and while Marvel has cranked out the billion-dollar films, DC has yet to get one. But again, take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt as I always wanted to do a Superman and Justice League trilogy which look less and less likely as they keep on this path. Still keeping hope alive to write the Captain Planet film, though. Oh, and no, WB does not get credit for giving this film to a woman to direct. No congratulations for doing what you’re supposed to do, but I’ll definitely look at you sideways if you don’t at least add a female writer to Allan Heinberg for the sequel.
Oh, and just before I get outta here, I’d like to say that I was a little disappointed in the soundtrack as it played in the movie. I expected a little more, but... I don’t know. I don’t understand why they didn’t go with Junkie XL for this. Yes, I know he is doing Justice League, but he worked on WW’s theme for Batman v. Superman, it just seemed like he’d do all of the films and take over for Zimmer. I don’t know. Haven’t listened to the soundtrack raw and on its own yet, so I’ll probably be wowed by it there but it didn’t pull me further into the movie.
What do you think? Have you seen Wonder Woman, and if so, how did you like it? Did you see some of the many similarities between it and the other movies I mentioned? Do you think it is really deserving of the title of one of the greatest comic book movies of all time? And do you think this bodes well for the rest of the DCEU? Also, do you think this iteration of Wonder Woman can fly? Because I’m really confused by that. In BvS she was about to leave the city on a plane, right? But in this film, it looked like in the final battle she might have been flying a few times, or just had some serious hang time on her jumps. Anyway, let me know in the comments below.
If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. Both season 1 and season 2 are out NOW, exclusively on Amazon. Stay connected here for updates on season 3 coming summer 2017. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Look for the mysterious Sci-fi episodic novella series Extraordinary OUT NOW. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.
Until next time, “We’re gonna solve this thing with love, damn it! And if that doesn’t work, we’ve always got fists.”
P.S. So let me get this straight, Batman’s got a gun and loves running people over; Superman enjoys snapping a neck or two; and Wonder Woman’s got a sword and shield that she totally uses to slice through necks and stab through people, yet we’re only outraged by the first two? Really? Hmph! Interesting.
Is Warner Bros. Sure That Was The Dawn, Because It Seems Like It Could Have Been The Dusk #BatmanVSuperman #DawnofJustice #MovieReview #ComicBookMovie #Superheroes
All pictures courtesy of Warner Bros. unless otherwise noted
"Aww, poor baby. Well, at least they tried." ~ What my mother or grandmother would say if when watching someone fail at something. Before we dig into this film, let me make it clear that this will contain SPOILERS, so if you haven't seen the movie and don't want to be spoiled, don't read the full thing (there are sections labeled budget and rumors you can read, however), otherwise gear up and settle in lades and gents because this is gonna be a very long read. Note also that this is an ultimate review, which really means little outside of me trying to distinguish myself from the myriad of other reviews currently circulating the web. In it, I will be not only reviewing the film, but DC's plans going forward as well as the soundtrack. For all you movie or writing buffs, there will also be a bit of film school/writing 101, not that I'm a teacher. Brace yourself because I have a lot to say.
GLOATING
I'll start by gloating. Why, you ask? I was proven right... partially. If you recall (you probably won't because you probably didn't read it), way back in December I wrote a post discussing a conversation I had with a friend over at Warner Bros (THE POST). In the comments, people were outraged, flippant, and downright adamant that I was wrong, that I did it for clicks, that I didn't know what I was talking about and some said that I trolled. In fact, even Batman-on-film.com insinuated that I probably didn't even know anybody at Warner Bros. First off, if you're going to deny I heard it from a friend, then you need to check my stats. I have spoken briefly on this blog about Hollywood not being a new game to me. Yes, I actually know people who work in the industry, who know what the heck they are talking about and who are still willing to take my calls. I have sold stuff out there... sort of. It's a long story, one which you'll be able to read in my epic novel Unrequited which is due out sometime in the next few months. To have even doubted I knew someone is ridiculous. Any comic fan who knows what happens with Superman and Doomsday should have guessed that, which is why my friend had no problem telling me. Also, he knows that I am not a journalist, I'm not some scoop-hungry entertainment reporter looking for the next leak from the studio back offices. I don't get paid for that and would much more prefer to make the films than report on them. Hell, I don't even have ads (or at least too many) on my blog. While the extra clicks were nice, I'm not getting paid for them. As much as I'd love for you to read and subscribe to my blog, I'd much prefer that you go over to Amazon and buy/read my books, like A Dangerous Low or A Furious Wind or The Knowledge of Fear (out soon). This wasn't just speculation from me. If it was, I would have labeled it as such as I did in not only that very post, but in one of my first posts on the new Spider-Man. The friend told it to me because WB didn't care if it got out apparently, nor did he put a lid on me not to tell anyone which he usually does. We have each other's confidence. He's not mad at me and he's not about to lose his job just because I posted something on a blog that NO ONE READS, LOL.
With that said, not everything he told me was correct. However, the SPOILER: that he did reveal was that Superman would die... and he did. Kind of like in the comics. Now, I also heard from him at the time that the movie was over three hours and they had a few redundant scenes which the studio wanted cut, which then made it 3 hours exactly, but they still wanted more cuts which gave us the ultimate time. Whether or not some of the other stuff he told me still proves to be true (like the Steve Trevor/Wonder Woman/Flash time travel thing or Darkseid) is still up for debate. Some of the other stuff was a psuedo-correct. The Flash doing the time-travel thing happened much earlier in the film and didn't play out quite like he told me it would, but there was still that crazy sense of "They're going to do time travel in a big way very early, possibly even before The Flash film, possibly in Justice League or Wonder Woman." Also, there simply wasn't a big quick-glimpse fight scene of the Justice League fighting those flying creatures in that desert land
scape like he said, though I suspected this was either a joke by him at the time or it would wind up on the cutting room floor as he said there were effects still not properly rendered that they were going to toss. It did turn out to be a dream sequence like was originally reported, though, I would contend that the way he explained it and then I told it to you would have been far more compelling either as a dream or as an ending flash-forward. And lastly, my personal theory that Callan was actually Martian Manhunter didn't pan out. The guy still looks like an alien. Seriously! Just sayin'.
MOVIE REVIEW
Now, getting to the movie at hand. Oh boy, where do I start? I can't completely pan it like many, many... many critics and fans. As I've always said, I know how hard it is to be creative and to make any kind of creative endeavor not only work but garner love from fans. And since I want to get back to the film industry soon, I want to be very poignant and explanatory about my criticism while giving them credit for even attempting greatness. Greatness, unfortunately, this was not.
When You Thought You Made A Great Movie And Even Your Friend (Kevin Smith) Said It Had Problems
To start, the film had literally about four or five different beginnings. As listed, they are: Bruce Wayans parents dying, Bruce tracking through the streets as Superman fights Zod, some divers finding some Kryptonite off the beaches of the Indian Ocean, Lois interviewing a terrorist and getting saved by Superman and I want to say there's one more but I can't think of it right now. Some fans have defended this. Other critics have written a similar complaint, but what does it mean? It speaks to a conglomerate of scenes that the audience is supposed to latch on to but doesn't for whatever reason. While they all have weight and importance, you could walk into the theater at the beginning of any one of them and not feel as if you've missed anything. In fact, you can cut the first ten minutes of the film completely and the film would still work.
Conversely, and I know I'm jumping ahead of myself here but I should just mention it while it's fresh in my mind, the film also has about three separate endings, any of which could have served as the ultimate one. I'll get to those later but let's return to the start.
WAYNE DEATHS
You're Telling Me You're Going To Give Me A Paycheck For No Real Reason? Yes!
Why did we waste so much time seeing Thomas and Martha Wayne die again? Really? You know why? I'll tell you, and this goes back to my film school comment. I can't stress enough just how important it is for actors, writers and directors to join their own film click if they want to be successful and have longevity. I can almost assure you that the only reason Snyder included that scene was to give his old buddy Dean a paycheck. The most superfluous scene that I've seen in a film in at least ten years. Little dialogue, almost exclusively in slow-mo and adds no new wrinkle to the story. The whole "Martha" thing could have been a quick voice-over and have Bruce awake from a dream. He needed neither the scene nor the known actors for it. You didn't even have to show their faces, just in case you did want to use Bruce's dead parents in a future film which is the only possible reason I can produce on why they would get two known actors that they'd have to pay more for. In other words, get ready for more flashbacks and ghostly chats in potential future Batman/Justice League installments.
Switching to the soundtrack for a minute, you know this scene is overly long when it's scored in its entirety with the first track entitled "Beautiful Lie." The track is 3:47minutes long. Even if you round down, that's still three full minutes of an unnecessary scene in the finished 2 1/2hour film. Ay yay yay!
You Couldn't Get Better Flowers Than That?
Next, Bruce zooming through Metropolis makes for an awesome scene, sure. But even the most foolhardy fan or audience member has to ask, "Why?" What did he think he'd do? Honestly, I watched this scene and gave it a slight pass because for some reason I thought it could be redeemed if he was already in the city, but this dude had to hop a copter from Gotham just to fly over to the city being destroyed to... make a call? To pull a guy with no legs out of rubble? To hug a little girl? And did the head guy in charge really not know to evacuate the building when that crap started? I thought he was working for a billionaire genius. Shouldn't you be smart if you're going to be top brass for a billionaire? Maybe this is why Donald Trump only seeks his own opinion for things, because everyone around him is Dorothy's Scarecrow--if they only had a brain.
I found the Lois-in-the-desert scene to be the most infuriating (skipping over the kryptonite discovery for now) as the way they used it not only felt flawed but everything about it stunk of rush job. Why a rush job, you ask? Well, let me first say that I used to enjoy watching John Campea on AMC then Collider Movie Talk which he has since departed. He tried to reason that they weren't rushing the film when fans roared over them pushing the film back a near year. So, let me explain what rushing is and why they did it here.
This was rushing because other below line things like contracts and actor stipulations weren't properly re-negotiated which had a specific and unique effect on the script. The desert Lois scene is the perfect example. This scene was really there for no other reason than to give Amy Adams something to do for the first two acts in a movie she shouldn't have even been in. If she wasn't already signed on for the next Superman film before they decided to do this film, this would have been another Jane from Thor in The Avengers rather than Pepper from Iron Man in The Avengers. But actor contracts being what they are, sometimes you're signed on to a certain amount of films, sometimes a certain amount of years, sometimes both. And since they didn't know when or if they'd make another Man of Steel (highly unlikely) they figured they better use her now and it would help continuity (eh!).
And the way they used the scene was atrocious. Yes, Superman killed the terrorist guy (if he ain't dead after slamming through all those walls, then he deserves his own superhero moniker), but how was the US government pinning the other deaths on him when they clearly came from bullets? Did they suspect Superman of carrying a glock? Superman just cappin' fools now? If so, where would he hide it? Maybe in the past he could've hidden it in his red underwear but he doesn't have those anymore, so... I felt indifferent about Jimmy Olson getting a bullet This dude wasn't cool with Supes but for a year and a half, and precisely two minutes screen-time. At least they gave him a cool CIA background.
This Fool Really Got Into The Tub With Naked, Wet Amy Adams With His Boots On. Nasty Bastard!
From then on, we see just how useless Lois is in this movie. Listen, I love me some Amy Adams; in fact, I modeled one of my main characters in my future #1 Bestseller mystery novel after her. If a movie is made of the book, I want her to play the role of Shanna, but she was more pointless than kindergarten safety scissors. She literally existed in the film for two reasons: to be saved by Superman, because I guess he doesn't already have a full world of people to save; and to be wet. That's not a misogynistic comment either. That woman is wet in every act of the movie. Listen, as a man I certainly can appreciate a thoroughly moist lady, but it's weird that Snyder has such an obsession and it stuck out to me. She was filmed naked in a bathtub (believe me they had to digitize out her nipples or use pasties because we saw a lot of boob), then she was wet in the rain, then she was inexplicably wet while swimming in a flooded building? Like, what the hell was that? Was that building supposed to be on the dock or not? Where the hell did all that water come from? And why did she toss the spear into the water anyway? Aquaman is gonna be so pissed at her in JL. She just littered something that had been in the ocean, was taken from the ocean, and then thrown back into the water for no reason. And when they whiffed at giving her something heroic to do, they trapped her beneath the water to make sure she got and stayed as wet as possible.
One Picture of This Beautiful Woman Getting Wet Because Why The Hell Not!; Courtesy Allure Magazine
DREAM SEQUENCES
Yeah, you didn't just expect for me to jump to a completely different subject without warning like that, did you? I could have kept talking about character development or continued the linear path of scene analysis but I didn't. Hell, the movie doesn't. Why should I?
Good question. Even better one: why so many dream sequences (Heath Ledger Joker voice)? Was this Batmanception? (OK, I deleted three sentences of jokes to make this shorter, but just know they contained Bryan Cranston, Bob Newhart and a Dallas-show reference.) We got psychic Bats (#PsychicBats) dreaming up a storm about what he expects of the future or Flashing sideways like the final season of Lost? What was that with the Flash? Was that a dream or legit time travel, or both? Can the Flash time travel into people's dreams now? And what was he wearing? Was that one of those kiddie Iron Man face-mask costumes? And why is Lois the key? What is she the key to? The last two questions I'll let slide until Justice League as I'm sure it was a future movie tie-in, but what wasn't. The dream sequences were plenteous and most of them didn't work. And while the desert Batman looked cool in the trailers, I thought he was actually stiff in that scene as opposed to the later scene in the warehouse. And the crazy thing is that he was rarely actually shown sleeping or in a bed when he had these nightmares (save for once). I guess late nights have him falling asleep any time.
So. Much. Sepia tone!
I did enjoy Ben Affleck's Batman/Bruce Wayne. He was powerful, ominous, and frightening to look at when dealing with human adversaries. The trafficking-house scene: Amazing. However, with that said, I'm not sure this movie was good for kids under the age of 10. Yes the rating is PG-13 but we all know that full families attend these films. I can understand why the special edition Blu-Ray will be rated R. I'll hold off calling him the "quintessential" or "definitive" Batman as I just have to see him in more films first, but he was good. Honestly, it wasn't a stretch. He plays a rich guy with anger issues who feels passionately about crime. Who is Ben Affleck but a rich guy who feels passionately about certain things. All he had to do was properly growl and look pissed--easy to do when going through marital problems. Just sayin' (Kanye shrug).
INSERT Social Network Joke Here
The thing I didn't like was Eisenberg's Luthor. Some fans loved it, saying they understood Snyder's vision of the character and what he was going for fit the film. I didn't. I still don't know what he was going for, mainly because I didn't understand his motivations; in fact, nearly everybody had bland reasons pushing them to act for no other point than to push from one CGI-ladened scene to the next. I would contend that if Luthor's motivations were made clearer, it would have been a far superior film even with Batman and Superman's desires muddled.
MOTIVATIONS?
Why does he want them to fight so much? Why does he want to have the Kryptonite to deter Superman? Are we to believe it's because of his arrogance or superiority complex? Because he doesn't seem to have either of those in spades, at least not enough to want to destroy Superman. My thought was that he grew up feeling less-than because of his father being such a dominating man. Once his father died, he suddenly felt better, free, until he saw Superman and was again brought back to that feeling of inadequacy, but I had to do a lot of the legwork myself to come to that conclusion.
He's sporadic, twitchy and a nonstarter even as a villain. He's not manipulative enough, and his mental capabilities are not fully distinguished. Is he a scientist or just the CEO of his father's company. We don't really see him do anything exceptionally brilliant. The making of Doomsday is really microwave-ready Frankenstein: says a few words, cuts his hand, then waits. The only real time we see his motivation is during the courtroom scene which he isn't in. Side note: I can't believe they had the audacity to kill off the only Asian character in the film, let alone a woman that fine in a damn courtroom bomb. Like, this woman was his righthand and he didn't warn her or anything? That really made me wanna slap the piss outta somebody. Let me be a hound dog for a moment. She looked extra good. How did Batman not have a dream about her?
Even with the glasses, she is killing me. Good lord. Too much hotness in this film underutilized!
Speaking of motivation, why did Batman and Superman fight, especially for what was, like, all of seven minutes of the 151-minute film? Seriously, why come to blows? To start, Superman had the most paper-thin reason I've ever seen. Essentially, he was acting as the moral compass for no apparent reason. He saw a news report on a Bat-vigilante who rescued multiple girls from sex trafficking and branded a criminal with his logo (God forbid he encountered Brad Pitt's character from Inglorious Bastards. His branding technique was far more severe) and helped cops. He saw no report about people fearing the Batman or the cops coming out against him. There was virtually no fear concerning Batman in Gotham city, save for a few criminals. Why go after him and tell him to stop? On top of that, the way that Superman did it was so... ugh, just stupid. It was akin to when you're little and you told your little brother or sister to stop touching you: "Like, um... that whole vigilante bat-thing you've been doing? Yeah, could you not anymore? Thanks!" That was legitimately almost the conversation. And Batman's trailer line, "Do you bleed... you will!" felt wasted. It felt akin to when your mom sends you to your room and you whisper back-talk to her to show how big you really are.
You Know How Much It'll Cost To Replace Those Batmobile Doors? Dude, Seriously? Now I wanna punch you!
Batman's motivations were nearly as thin. Listen, I get it. I understand the poetry, albeit blunt poetry, that Snyder was trying to infuse into the film. Bruce/Batman is broken, he feels powerless at the beginning of the film both during his parents death and Metropolis' destruction, his whole adult life (most of it at least) has been forcing control onto and into a world that doesn't make sense unless it bends to his will and ego of what's right and wrong, so once he sees himself having lost control again, he loses his way, essentially falling and flailing down into that cave once more, finding only darkness encapsulating him. I. Get. That! However, there was still a lacking reason for him to fight Superman in this film--and don't bring in the comics and say why they would fight there because the film is supposed to stand on its own, no supplementation. While I thought Bruce's plot to get the kryptonite--albeit it a muddled plot, which you really had to pay close attention to to understand (the dirty bomb thing seemed like a flippant mention and then the white Russian and blah blah blah!)--had merit because you would want to know how to beat the guy before encountering him, a proper Batman/detective would have taken something like that with them during an interrogation, rather than saying, "OK, I got it, so... let's fight to the death." This heroic figure who is shown (read: heard) interrogating a criminal at the beginning of the movie abandons that same mindset when confronted by Superman, this guy that is going around saving people. It's... strange. We'll have to wait to see Suicide Squad, but this actually gives more credence to the theory that the old Robin is the new Joker. Then, Batman's total demeanor would make sense because he wouldn't care if Superman was doing good now, because he knows that everyone eventually grows corrupt. Still, you couldn't just hash this out at the pub?
MARTHA!
No way I'm Letting Him Get away, Alfred... Unless his mom's named Martha
And then the Martha scene. Oh boy! Yes, I understand the Martha scene, too, and how it shows that we're all connected and the feeling that "all of our mothers are named Martha. We're all in this together, yes we are..." Sorry, I just went High School Musical for a minute (kinda after my time. Never saw it). There's a lot wrong with that scene just from a basic character standpoint which is why I say that Snyder doesn't know the character.
What does it mean when I say he doesn't know the character? Well, unlike a lot of comic fans, I'm not just talking about reading the comics. No, I'm talking about the basic aura and spirit around the reality that bred the comic book. I am from Ohio, Midwestern born and raised (shockingly, the Superman creators were also from Ohio... and Canada). The first Man Of Steel ticked some people off because it really didn't have the Midwestern Kansas-style values you'd expect. Listen, I don't know how people on the East or West coast are raised, but I've rarely heard the feeling here of, "Hide yourself from the world. They're not ready. You shouldn't try to be spectacular..." and so on. I remember Kevin Smith saying this was a part of the fabric of Midwestern values. No, it's not, unless it concerns your sexuality (yes, you'll hear that if you're Homo, Trans, Bi or Pan). What you'll mostly hear is, "What you're thinking is impractical. I'm not saying that you can't do it, I'm saying to keep your expectations in check for when you do pursue it. Well, if you want that then you better be ready to work your ass off to get it." Most of it is said in love. Sure, there are struggles but if all Midwesterners were telling each other and their kids that they can't or that they shouldn't do something, don't dare to be something, hide your natural gifts, then we wouldn't have a third of Hollywood and the music industry. The Midwest has birthed talent from Steve Harvey to Steven Spielberg, from Brad Pitt to Kanye West to Sarah Jessica Parker. Give me a break on the hide your talent crap!
Not Gonna Pretend This Picture Is Even Relevant Here
Why ramble on about the Midwest? I said that to say this, so few people in both the Midwest and the South ever call their parents by their first names. It just doesn't even occur to most of us, even in public settings. Why Superman would say Martha, instead of saying Mom is so foreign an idea for most people raised in the Midwest that it is one of the biggest things that rings untrue about the scene. Even if he is still trying to hold some semblance of a secret identity, it still doesn't make sense. You would say her full name or even call her Mrs. Kent. I know, it's a nitpick but because it is a pivotal--no, THE pivotal scene in the film I have to examine it as such. It sticks out so bad as going against the character, against the atmosphere in which he was raised, and is weak writing from so many perspectives, I just... ugh!
LET'S GO TO FILM SCHOOL
Speaking of weak writing and editing, let's go to film school for a minute. A lot of people have been talking about the pacing of the film and how it seems rushed and like a bunch of cut-scenes from a superhero montage from three to five different films. You wanna know why it feels like that (and this is one of the techniques that you have to watch for if you want to be a filmmaker)? Establishing shots.
Yeah, I know, you just went, "Huh?" This is screenwriting and editing 101: even when you want the film to be fast-paced and driving, you have to include a few establishing shots between scenes. The psychology behind this is similar to why when we speak publicly even the most professional orators still pepper their speech with ums and ahs, the brain needs time to process the overload of info coming from the five senses. Therefore, showing a shot where there's a stagnant frame or there's no music or both, or that has little going on for the eye to take in helps the mind and the eye catch up with each other in processing the information. Did anybody else walk away from the film or even sat inside watching thinking, "Wow! There's so much stuff going on in this film? I'm missing a lot of it." Yeah, that's because if you go back to see the film, you'll notice that during the editing process there are so few real establishing shots that don't have action or bombastic music in them that everything floods from one thing to the next. There's almost always a person in-frame.
Here's a clear example for Batman movie fans. Remember the opening scene in The Dark Knight Rises (above)? First we have the speech with Gordon, slow-moving and tone-setting. Then we see an empty field, even just for a second nothing is happening. Then the truck comes with Bane. Next they're on the plane. Again, two seconds of just watching an airplane with nothing else. Go back to BvS and you have a hectic cut-fest of back and forth between the cave and the murder, then the city destruction, then the kryptonite find and on and on. There is virtually no large sweeping shot of anything to let your brain catch-up. Even when you have a perceived slow scene like the divers readying to go get the kryptonite, you're still bombarded with information that forces you to recall MoS because of the World Building Machine laying in the background. There's never a visual breath that builds you up to a climax. In screenwriting you're supposed to aim to have a visual or dialogue climax once every three minutes or so which acts as a puzzle piece to build to the ultimate climactic conclusion. But this played like a constant orgasm: great for a minute, but starts to simmer, then fizzle as opposed to the opposite. The funny thing is that most viewers won't know any better and will attribute their feeling of boredom or being overwhelmed to too much action as opposed to choppy editing and too few establishment shots. Trust me, they may not seem that important, but they make a huge difference in modern cinema.
BUDGETING
Staying in the classroom, some fans have been floored and flabbergast at reports that a movie which cost 250 million to make and had a marketing budget of 150 million, tallying 400 million in costs would need to make over 800 million to break-even and make a profit. In fact, crazy numbers like this are always baffling to most people when they come out for these big films. Well, let me break it down for you as far as how I learned it when I was there. Disclaimer: My info is out-of-date and some of it may not be remembered correctly, so take it all with a grain of salt.
Studio Executives Explaining Why They Don't Care How People Feel about the film so long as it makes a Billi!
The total is 400, right? Why would the film need to make double that to break-even? Because of contract stipulations, above board and below board workers and affiliation cuts. To begin, the affiliation cuts are the easiest to explain. They are simply what the theaters, distributors, foreign language translators and extraneous marketers get from the movie. This is usually a percentage stipulated in long-held contracts that studios have with theaters. A common myth is that theaters don't make money on movies but on the extra stuff they try to sell you: food, candy, drinks. That is incorrect. The amount of profit they make on the films is actually quite large depending on the duration of the film's pull. In other words, the longer the film is able to maintain popularity and stay in cinemas, the more the theaters get. This is why studios like to make all their money in the first two weeks of a film's release because after that, the theaters start taking larger percentages of the ticket prices. As an example, a ten dollar ticket to see it opening weekend might net the studio six dollars, whereas the same ticket three to four weeks later might only net it two dollars or even one. Diminishing returns.
Next, we look at the second easiest thing to explain: the below board people. Movie budgets do not take into account the salaries or hourly wages of the people working at studio and production house levels. In other words, the day-job folks that do all the paperwork: finance department, art department, focus-group testing people, human resources, Bob from the mailroom. While these people's salaries are not paid by just one film, studios like to estimate how much money can be made from one film and may (some do, some don't) assign a certain percentage of each person's salary to be fulfilled by that film. For instance, if they estimate they can make 500 million on a film after affiliation costs, they'll use an equation to divide that money up amongst all the employees, to see how much they can get from each film. It gets into some complicated math as they do this for every movie they plan to release for the full year, then add that up. Each film gets a percentage attributed to it of how much of each person's salary it can pay.
I've Known Women Who Excite at Talking About Money. Well, I'm not like the Golddiggers You know. Burn!
Next, we have what is the most complicated, the contracted and above board individuals. They actually get the most of the film's money outside of the studio execs. Actor contracts these days can be very complex and so too, can producer and director contracts. Most of what you'll see reported on how much they made is based on their production salary. Say Ben Affleck got paid 20 million to do this film. OK, that's factored into the 250 million, right? Of course, but there's also back-end percentages and kicker percentages of possible revenue. I don't want to sound snobby here when I say this but I went to business school and before I push forward I just want to make sure everyone reading this knows the difference between profits and revenue as I may have some younger readers or people who never learned it. Revenue is the amount of money you make. Profit is revenue minus the amount of money you owe (also called liabilities). Some actor's contracts are signed up for kicker revenue percentages and not profit percentages, meaning once a certain threshold of money is earned at the box office, they start getting a percentage of every new dollar coming in regardless of whether the studio has broken even or not. Now, that may be outdated info, but this would also apply to producer contracts because they have their own companies and employees to pay off and can't risk making no money on a film which flops. It's also usually low for the first few weeks, but even something as low as, say, 2 percent going to a producer would mean 1 mil after they've already been paid a production salary. Of course, some producers don't do production salaries as they see it as taking away from the money to go toward the movie, but then demand much higher percentages above, say 5 percent or 5 mil without a salary from the 250. Actors do this, too, taking large percentages after the movie release.
By the time everything is accounted for, well over 50% of the film's revenue has been guaranteed or paid out to someone or other companies and businesses that aren't the studio. Hence, why they have to make more than double what the film cost to produce and market to actually make a profit.
HOW'S IT SOUND?
When I look at it now, I'm wondering why the ripped gray areas?
Then there's the soundtrack. Listen, I love me some Hans Zimmer. Everything he's done and the current cinematic composers he's influenced, in my opinion, has been phenomenal. Musically, I believe that we are in the era of Zimmer just as during the 50s, 60s and early-70s we were in the era of Bernard Herrmann. But what can I say about this OST? To start, I'll say that as these movies continue to proliferate and expanded universes grow beyond comic books, the easiest way for you to tell who the real star of the movie is/the most important character, is to listen to the soundtrack. Be ye not fooled while watching the film, this was always supposed to be a Batman film with sprinkles of Superman and Wonder Woman. This soundtrack from Beautiful Lie to Their War Here to Must There Be A Superman to Black and Blue to This Is My World is moody, brooding and more operatic than need be at times. I have both the Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel's soundtracks on my phone. I use them as my walking music as I like the driving force of I Will Find Him, Imagine The Fire, Gotham's Reckoning, Terraforming, Arcade and a few others. I know the soundtracks well. While I enjoyed the hints and undertones of the Man Of Steel OST in this movie as it should have been, there was far too little of that. In place of the weird, alien, sci-fi-esque, self-discovery tone of a lot of MoS, they replaced it with the darker, heavier drums, violins and elongated siren sounds of The Dark Knight Rises. I know that Tom Holkenberg AKA Junkie XL was in charge of the Batman theme (yes, I have the Mad Max Fury Road OST on my phone, too, and did hear the references to it in this OST), and I do like that he took the old Danny Elfman Tim Burton Batman the Animated Series theme, inverted the melody and incorporated it into the soundtrack, but I still felt a lot of Dark Knight in this, more so than Superman or MoS.
Everybody Wanna Touch The New Person
Some of the cues they took from MoS weren't the things I expected them to take. One of the bizarre choices stood out to me in the Day of the Dead scene. The electric guitar there called back to This is Clark Kent but instead of building to have a cool hero-moment (something which this Superman still has not had in my opinion) they eased off and went into a more metronomic-Inception's Time kind of slog. Frankly, stepping back into the movie, I disliked that entire scene as it felt like fan service but in the worst way. A studio executive said, "They're crying about how superman doesn't do heroic stuff in MoS." Snyder: "Well, he doesn't really do much heroic stuff in this film either." Exec: "Well, give 'em a quick montage of him saving people and stuff. That'll shut 'em up." Don't get me wrong, I would love to work with WB and DC some day, but come on, give us more heroics than that. Even the Doomsday fight and his self-sacrifice didn't feel as... great as it could have.
Naturally, the best track on the OST was Is She With You, forever known now as Kickass Wonder Woman anthem. Listening to it first called me back to hints of Trent Reznor's version of Immigrant Song for Fincher's Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. In a remix, I would use the opening warrior/immigrant cries in the Wonder Woman track. My only concern is that with Zimmer announcing just yesterday that he will no longer score superhero films, who will do the Wonder Woman score and whose influence was most used for this track: Tom's or Hans'? Because if it was Tom's, I hope he can build on its success through the Wonder Woman films. Abandoning that now would be a terrible waste.
Awesome Cameo, Even Better Soundtrack: Nailed It!
Overall, I would have to give the soundtrack a B. Another standout track would be the bonus of Fight Night as well as The Batman Suite Men Are Still Good but that just goes to say once again how Batman-centric it was. It wasn't as good as either Man Of Steel or The Dark Knight Rises, which I thought both had great soundtracks. However, I will give Snyder, Zimmer and Holkenberg credit as out of the three movies Batman v Superman was the only one not overscored in my opinion. Where I thought TDKR and MoS had too much music in the movie, this OST had far more quiet in it that did come into effect in the film.
I'm Just Here So I Won't Get Fined
As far as the film goes? Well, let's just say that I don't think this was the film that we needed nor deserved. Don't get me wrong, there were parts I loved and as a cinephile I am always swept up in the magic of a movie, even if it's bad. I just watched the cartoon movies of The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller and caught plenty of pseudo-references to it in the film: the two cops going into the house at the beginning, Batman's leap from the building to dodge Doomsday's blast, the nuclear... radiation burn(?) that Superman got before being healed by the sun from the pasty zombie-esque whiteness (pretty cool effect I thought), and a few other tidbits, but I could not get all the way into this film for whatever reason. I didn't even have time to talk about the lazy cameos for everyone else in the Justice League, the near humorlessness of the film (hey, it's 2016. Superhero films are dark and apples don't cost a nickel anymore), the disappointment that Doomsday only underwent one transformation and still looked ridiculous, the thumbs up for giving the black dude from the first one a promotion to Secretary or the fact that everybody is kill-happy (for those saying that Batman never killed in this, please. Him smashing that guy's head in with the front of the batmobile when he flew into the side of that eighteen-wheeler should have been enough to take out anyone). I am probably bias as hell because it has long been my dream to do a Superman trilogy and a Justice League trilogy and I feel I can truly give people a great experience while still following the more realistic lines that WB has drawn. I also think I have a unique and fresh take on Batman sitting in my que for TV pitches which would totally blow people away.
Still the Best Shot of the film, but... eh, so what?
Ultimately, I think that what most of the current filmmakers don't understand about Superman, and many people who have argued that you can't make him a compelling character because he's too perfect (total BS), is that just as much as Batman is framed and created from the death of his parents, Superman is framed, created and becomes who he is because of the life of his parents and how they lived and how they taught and how they felt about him and the world. If they see reason to reboot this universe in a short matter of time, I can only hope and work my ass off to try to be the person that they consider to bring this entire universe to life, because what they have right now... well, they damn sure tried.
CRAZY RUMOR TIME
That was the end of the review, so now it's time for me to start spouting off with the crazy. I will take this time to mention again how I called a certain spoiler-rific plot twist in the film back months before it came out after speaking with my friend at Warner Bros. Well, I talked to him again after seeing the film, and while I will not spill whether anything crazy or hectic is actually going on over at WB or if they're sweating out the second week returns for the film, I can tell you one thing he said which broke just yesterday. Yes, Ben Affleck has written a solo Batman film and is in line to direct it. What you may not know, however, is that the script (again, according to my friend) has been done for MONTHS. In fact, the film has been in a pre-production hold for months because of other Affleck projects and they wanted to see if people would like his Batman. Now that the reviews have come out, well... let's just say that they already have the money set aside for it.
With that said, here come my own theories and rumors. I will neither confirm nor deny if any of these things were actually told to me by my friend or if I'm just making it up, but it'll be fun to start some internet rumors, won't it? Yay!
I think... that Justice League Part one and Part two are canceled. Wait, let me rephrase that, they will not be canceled but combined. Instead of splitting it into two films, WB may condense it into one film but will still hold the release date for both. What will they put on whichever release date they vacate?
I think... they will put the solo Batman film on whichever date one of the two JL movies was supposed to release. Don't be shocked to hear that the new Batman solo film has been greenlit and will start production very soon. No, I am not saying that Batman would take the place of Justice League part one, but...
I think... it's very interesting that out of all the possible extraneous characters they could've announced for a JL movie, the first one they picked was Commissioner Gordon (JK Simmons rumored). Isn't that weird? One of Batman's helpers announced to be in JL weeks before BvS came out.
Look at my gigantic man chest! Yeah, you like these big muscles. They're intimidating but also say I like to cuddle.
I think... the start of JL will actually not be pushed back, or at least not by much from its April 4th start date. Why? Because I'm guessing that the studio already has it in their minds that if this weekend's take isn't big, they're not going to remove Snyder from the project, but rather make the next film a "co-directed by..." affair. Now who could they get to co-direct a Justice League movie with Snyder? Hm?
I think... that even if the films don't do well, we'll still see at least two Wonder Womans, one Flash and one Aquaman before they decide to reboot everything.
I think... that Suicide Squad will be the second movie to have an R-rated Blu-Ray release in this universe. It will probably undergo reshoots before it is released to make it more comic book audience friendly, but will still have a very similar tone to BvS.
Lastly, I think that we don't see another Superman movie in this universe. I can't see it happening on any front. Sorry Man of Steel fans. But then again, what do I know. These are all crazy rumors. Want another? That woman lying in Bruce's bed when he woke up that one time was actually Selina Kyle who will be in the Batman solo film. Want another? Wayne manor was burned down in a fight with the Joker who actually knows who Batman is in this version. Another still? Well, I don't have anymore. Sorry.
What do you think? Were you excited for this movie before it came out? How about now? Have you seen it and if so, what did you think about it? Did you love it or hate it? Again, all opinions are welcome so long as they don't denigrate someone else's opinion. What do you think will happen in the future with the franchises and the characters going forward? Should Warner Bros. just give DC back to Marvel already? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).
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Until next time, "The next time Krispy Kreme blasts their Hot and Fresh sign... don't answer!"
P.S. Yeah, I'm fat and I like donuts. So! But what the hell was up with that Batman signal? He just had his own personal light? Because it didn't look like it was on the police station, did it? Speaking of which, Gotham and Metropolis are that close? What? Since when? How has Clark not heard of Batman before, in that case? Oh wait, he only had lived there for the last 18 months and Batman had retired (the movie never really made that clear did it?). OK. Strange, because I thought the whole time that Metropolis was near Smallville in the first one, because of the proximity of all the fighter jets and stuff. Because Smallville is still in Kansas, right? And Kansas is still in the middle of nowhere, right? So where the hell is Metropolis and Gotham when they were flying back and forth in the first one? It looks like they're on a coast... but wait a minute, they kidnapped Martha and put her in Gotham city. What the hell? So Gotham and Metropolis would have to be at least within an hour or two from Smallville, right?
So, wait... are both cities in Kansas? Or maybe Texas or Colorado or Missouri? I don't know, dude. The closest I could think for a big metropolis like both of them would be Chicago. Are they in Illinois, then? Sure. Why not? Gotham and Metropolis are either somewhere in Kansas (crazy place to have two of probably the most violent cities in the country) or Illinois (surprisingly, more believable as far as the violent quotient goes). No way they could be on either coast, not New Jersey nor New York because of the timing of it all. I'm not believing Luthor would get away with flying his goons out to Kansas on a three to four hour flight, manage to fly them back without Superman noticing (super-hearing worked with Lois) only to place her in Gotham and not even Metropolis. Just... no! P.P.S. Holy crap! I wrote this last night and edited it today. As I finished editing it, news broke that Suicide Squad will undergo reshoots to make it funnier. Ha! Still not going to confirm or deny whether I heard that from my friend or if that was just a rumor I made up.
