Off To A Good Start #Seedstarting #VegetableGardening #Gardening #Transplanting

Off To A Good Start #Seedstarting #VegetableGardening #Gardening #Transplanting

Vegetable Garden Beginning of the season 2015

Finally! You've read through post after post about gardening and vegetable gardening and what you should and shouldn't do to prepare. You read through the long, but very informative and helpful post about the things that you'll need if you want to make this gardening thing work, while limiting as little waste as you can, right? If not read, it at Tools For Gardening. You've even gone to other gardening websites that just say to throw the seeds out on the ground, water and watch them grow and figured, "Why the heck is this guy making everything so long, complicated and boring when it could all be so simple?" Well, because I want to not only grow good food, but save you money, and more importantly give you a method that works for both novice and experienced gardeners alike. I know this way renders fantastic results so long as you put in the work at the beginning, two months from now in middle-to-late May you'll be enjoying a beautiful garden that's off to a phenomenal start, with slightly less work put in than others who grew from seed. Also, you'll know precisely where your food comes from and what it's been treated with unlike people who buy from gardening shops, not that they're bad people. Hey, if this fails or you feel like giving everything up when one or all of your seeds dampen off, there's no harm, no foul and no shame in rushing to your nearest Lowe's to grab a pepper or tomato plant and plopping it into a plot. So long as it survives, it should serve it's purpose. But if you want something better, you usually have to grow from seed. And yes, maybe I have over-complicated things. Did I really need to explain every detail about compost, or about wind traffic in your home? No. But it'll come into play later, I promise. And is this paragraph way too long, violating nearly every English principle I learned in Spanish class? You bet. But I wasn't supposed to learn about English in Spanish class, even though comparatively, I did. So let's get this sucker a-goin'!

Previously on: r-u-notentertained.blogspot.com #Seedstarting!

• We started seeds for cruciferous and cold-hardy plants, including: broccoli, cauliflower, kale, collard greens, lettuce, brussel sprouts and the list goes on.
• Using the seeds pictured below, we took half-sheet paper towels, wet them, threw seeds in them, folded the paper towels and slid the moist towels into an open Ziploc bag.
• We placed the bag in a warm place (not on a heating mat), like, in front of a gas fireplace, atop a refrigerator, or just on a table in a room no cooler than 70 degrees, making sure they stayed out of direct sunlight (definitely not in a windowsill).
• Jimmy fell down a well and is trapped in the wormy muck of a winter's cruel end, breathing its blistered breath upon Vern's back.
• Betty had a pie to bake but not enough peaches to do it.
• Paiges got turned and Words got red.
• And that damn dog Bartholemew keeps yapping about Jimmy. "Bark! Bark!"
• Will we ever return to the seeds? Will Jimmy be saved before he dies of frostbite or hypothermia? Will Betty actually be able to bake that pie? Who the hell taught this talking dog to yell bark? Will this ridiculously nauseating tangential stream of consciousness ever end? Let's find out!

GERMINATED SEEDLING TRANSPLANTING

To start I will point you once again to the post on Tools For Gardening where I went through a list of tools and supplies you'll need going forward. For those who have already gone through the list, I will briefly list the items once more so you can go and get them now!

You will need:

Multiple cups for however many things you plan to plant. Again, I would say that for every intended number of plants you want to grow, have double the amount of cups. Example: Want to plant 5 broccoli plants, have 10 cups ready (you should have germinated 10 seeds). Not all of your seeds will grow, but we'll plant 80-100% of what has.

A good seed-starting mix that is preferably soil-less. Again, sand and vermicompost or vermiculite (worm castings... sort of) can work for some things, though you may have to baby them even more than just getting a seed-starting mix.

A basin or water reserving tray to water stuff from the bottom. We don't want to drown the seedlings.

A full bottle of water. As stated many times before, it doesn't have to be store-bought (I already drank what was inside that bottle; the water you see is tap). You should let the water sit for a day at room temperature, but straight from the faucet is fine in many areas, so long as it is tepid or room temp--no hot or cold.

The lights as the newly planted seeds will need to go under them immediately.

The actual germinated seeds, silly! We can't pot-up seeds without the actual germinated seeds, now can we?

OPTIONAL:

You may want to get a pen or pencil or something long and cylindrical to make a little divot in the seed-starting mix if you're too prissy to get your hands dirty this early in the season. I just use my finger, because, unlike Trump, I actually am a small-fingered vulgarian and proud of it.

You may also want to get some kind of scooper. While I would say a hand trowel is too big, a plastic spoon works. In fact, the other end of the spoon could be used for divot making. You can also just scoop out the soil with one of the cups. Either way, it doesn't matter.

Step 1.

Open the bag (remember, it shouldn't have been sealed) and pull out your paper towels one at a time. You want to check how many seeds germinated in each towel. If you're organized, then you'll have labeled the bag with the name of that particular plant, this is why you do one paper towel at a time, putting it back after planting the germinated seeds. Looks amazing, doesn't it?

Count how many have germinated. If none, then place the towel back into the bag and move on to the next paper towel. It's OK. Not every seed germinates at the same rate. Keep going until you find some that do.

Step 2.

Stop gazing at the seeds and being so amazed with yourself. Yeah, you grew somethin', big whoop! OK, take a little time to pat yourself on the back, but that's enough. Two, maybe three pats max! Now it's time to fill up the cups. Again, either scoop the cup into the bag of seed-starting mix or fill it to about 3/4ths the way by spooning it in. Yes, only fill it 3/4ths of the way. There's a reason for that.

Step 3.

Place the cup inside the water reservoir (note: it should not have any water in it currently). Take your bottle of water and pour a few drops of water into the cup. For everything except sand, the mix will bubble and want to flow overtop. That's fine. Wait a minute and let the water drain through. If it hasn't drained after a minute, lift the cup, hold it over the reservoir and allow it to drain. With the cup filled only 3/4ths, no soil should spill. Take another dry cup or your spoon and scoop out a little more of the mix to cover the top fourth of the first cup. Return the cup to the basin.

Even when pouring the water in, not all of the starting mix will get wet. 

Step 4.

Now look at the germinated seedlings. You want to choose the strongest ones: ones with the greenest leaves, ones with the biggest leaves, ones with good roots (roots that are already spiking out or have more than just a taproot), and ones that have completely shed their hard-shell seed coating. Yes, it's tiny but you can see that the plants have burst from their seeds.

Here's where things get tricky, some argue that the oil on humans' hands will hurt the seedlings. I haven't found this to be true. So long as your hands have recently been thoroughly cleaned, they should be fine. Do not lotion them before doing this. Gently grab hold of the seed root near the leaves, and pull. The roots will have tried to bury themselves in the paper towel fabric. You want to lead it out of the fabric as delicately as you can until it is free. If the root is exceptionally long, don't worry about getting all of it out. So long as the root is fingernail's length and/or has other roots spiking off the taproot, it can recover.

Step 5.

Once you have the root free from the paper towel, place it in the flat palm of your hand. With your other hand, make a tiny divot with your finger or with a pencil in the dry top soil of the prepared cup from step 3. If you only have one hand (not a joke. Some people don't have the luxury of two working appendages), then you can drop the entire seedling onto the top of the soil, then make the divot. Slip the seedling into the divot and cover its bottom tip (the white part) with soil, leaving the leaves above ground. Finally, pat the top mix down around it, just hard enough to make the dry "soil" start absorbing some of the water of the wet soil.

And there you go. Repeat steps 1-5 until you have planted everything you wanted to plant for that session before continuing to step 6. Note: Some of the seeds will not have germinated. For those that haven't, place back in the bag and put the bag back where you had it until they germinate or until they start to rot and turn black. If they do the latter, then you have bad seeds that won't germinate. Sorry. It's still early enough in the season to go and buy more from a different company.

I apologize the basin is already dirty as this was the fourth transplant before I remembered to take pics.

You can use the end of the spoon (optional), to make sure the root is properly buried. Notice the mix looks wet. 

Step 6.

Once everything is planted, check the amount of water you have in the bottom of the reservoir. Lift one of the cups from out of the water. You want the water at its deepest to be no higher than the length of a modestly cut fingernail--from the skin to the tip--usually less than half an inch. If less, add more water directly to the basin and not to the cup, before replacing the cup. This should last for a full day and is the way you should water for the next two weeks.

Step 7.

Take the reservoir with all the cups inside and place it under the fluorescent light. We want extremely close, no more than 1 to 2 inches of space between the bulb and plants. Seedlings crave light. Early inundation is a good thing, but they won't do well in window sunlight. That light isn't strong enough for them and doesn't provide enough heat. Plus, windows often seep heat and the seeds need to stay warm, however, this method does not call for a warming mat. So long as the lights are close, the seedlings won't need to be warmed.

These are established plants to show how close to the light they are. Some leaves are even touching. 

And that's it. Leave the light on for no less than 12 hours (seems like a real power suck but it isn't as bad as you might think). No need to cover them for a greenhouse effect. The soil surface should look moist. You want to water them through the reservoir whenever the top starts to look crusted, hard or no longer shimmers. You're good either until you have to pot them up, something which you should only have to do for non-cold-hardy or summer plants like tomatoes and peppers, or until you have to start hardening them off which will be another week and a half to two weeks. Don't feed them anything but water. It would be a bad idea and could destroy your plants. They can't take too many nutrients this early. Nothing against non-organic gardening, but stuff like Miracle-Gro is too early (let's not get into a debate about the seed-starting mix). Lower them from the lights one inch for every two inches they grow. And you should soon have these tiny, but large seedlings.

What do you think? Is this informative to you? Is there anything about the process you aren't understanding? Are you not convinced that here-on out will be much easier and far less involved? Or can you just not wait to tear into your... uh, Kale? Brussel sprouts? Carrots? Well, what did you plant? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon; season 2 coming this summer. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "Wow! That's a lot. I usually just throw my line out there and let them get a hold of that slippery worm."

P.S. Family Guy reference. Yes, it's lazy. It's the one where he was a fisherman and the guy switched his signs to say something perverse about how he caught the fish. I ain't got time, look it up! I was actually trying to impress the reason why I don't just throw the seeds out into the ground anymore (though I still do that for lettuce sometimes), and why I don't direct germinate the seeds in a soil-less mixture. I've seen tons of videos about seed-starting where they start seeds in a cup or a pre-fabricated tray--you can buy those at your local Wal-Mart and they do work wonderfully as I used one for the first two years--with seed-starting mix poured into the tray of, like 30 cells. They'll take three seeds and put them in one cell and expect to grow one plant from that cell. But then when the seeds germinate, they do what is called "thinning out" or pluck out the seedlings that did germinate but look the weakest. I find that to be a waste. For one, while beginners may feel fine with buying a seed packet for 1.48 at your local Wal-Mart (god, I mentioned that store twice. They really should pay me), and spreading out the entire pack or at least half of it trying to grow two, maybe three plants, you know no better. You're just happy something grew and produced food. But as you get better at growing, suddenly things like heirlooms and exquisite tastes of stranger vegetable varieties you want to try begin to seduce you. You suddenly start realizing that there's more than three varieties of watermelon: oblong, round and seedless. And while you might not have heard of a Janosik Watermelon before (delicious in my book), you suddenly wanna try this yellow-fleshed melon, because... I mean, it's yellow for goodness sake! And then you realize, "Holy cannoli, those seeds cost $3.00 plus shipping from online vendor." And suddenly you don't want to chance planting 9 seeds, 3 in one cup, to have them duke it out in survival of the fittest, and end up with one viable plant in the end. No, I use my method because when I do plant those more expensive seeds like melon seeds, I can put four seeds into a paper towel, and have three of them germinate and end up with three healthy plants by planting time (if they germinate at all; buyer beware). I'm a utilitarian and a minimalist, haste makes waste and he who wastes not, wants not. Therefore, I still have seed packets that I bought three years ago that still not only have viable seeds, but are plenteous just in case I want to give them away to family or friends who may want to start growing their own veggies.

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Maximizing Your Spring Vegetable Growing By Starting Inside #SeedStarting #VegetableGardening #Gardening #SpringPrep

Maximizing Your Spring Vegetable Growing By Starting Inside #SeedStarting #VegetableGardening #Gardening #SpringPrep

This was my garden at the very beginning of 2015, last season. Those colorful things at the left are lettuce.

Greetings readers and fellow gardeners and people who are just curious about growing stuff. Spring time has officially arrived, which means that you are already late in getting your garden together. Yeah, you're late. Feel ashamed! "Hey! That's rude." Alright, fine, reader. You don't have to feel ashamed... I simply reserve the right to pass harsh judgment upon you from a digital distance. But fear not. For while we all have our crosses to bear (Hi, Jesus; Ha! Easter shout out! Since I do believe, I'm probably goin' to hell for that one), know that it is never too late to start your preparations for veggie gardening dominance. Sure, you might not grow everything you want *cough* cold-hardy crops like potatoes *cough*, but you will be able to grow some stuff. The best way to get a seasonal head start is by starting everything indoors.

As stated in a few other posts, I live in Northeast Ohio (NEO for short. Yes, we are the one), which often comes with harsh winters. While last winter was fairly mild due to both global warming and El Nino (you can doubt one but you can't doubt both), it still had its own fashions of brutality. For instance, while all last week was quite warm--50s, lower 60s--Sunday, the first official day of spring, it snowed. Like... what? Complete and total ridicurusness! Just ridicurus! That makes it hard to predict if we'll have a killing frost to wipe out even some of my most cold-hardy crops, or if I can start throwing stuff like lettuce and broccoli out in the garden now. On top of that, I still have a ton of garden prep to do before the garden is suitable for plants. While I do that, I grow everything inside to give my plants a jump start.

"Well, that sounds simple," one might say. Sure, if you're not a first-time grower and have your very own grow room with thousand dollar lights, a wind machine and the whole shi-bang! But if you don't have that, or are a novice, it can start simple and get daunting really quickly. Having already put out the seed-starting post a week ago, I will now let you know what you need/should have before you begin transplanting those little germinated seedlings. Again, this is a companion post to the seed-starting post from a week ago. If you haven't read that, you can click on the #SeedStarting button in the title above.

To start, determine where in your house you can and will grow. A great deal will be determined by things that may be out of your control like light fixtures or plugs, temperature and human traffic. Other factors, such as how long you'll keep your plants inside will also weigh heavily on this decision and weather. For beginners that may seem like a lot and it kinda is, but once you get into a rhythm of things, it really isn't.

"God, your post are always filled with such dross and drivel. Just tell me what I wanna know!" Well, excuse me, angry reader, for trying to have a little playful banter before I start things. But I guess since you don't like all the foreplay, I'll get right to it.

The most important thing you'll need in growing inside is a light source. No, your windowsill won't do... yet. For one, while we've already done daylight savings, the earth doesn't know that. Days remain shorter than they will be in April and May, meaning that the seedlings which require copious amounts of UVs to grow large and healthy won't get as much as they should, especially through the glass pane of the window. Instead, what you'll need is a fluorescent light. It doesn't have to be a high-powered halogen, just a normal store fluorescent that you can buy at any home improvement store. I would suggest getting the longer ones as they will be better able to "feed" a large swath of plants. If you'd rather not mess with any electricity in your house, you can also just buy a separate light fixture or a lamp under which to concentrate the plants, such as this:

Excuse the dustiness. 

The above is a blacklight solo light uh... thingy (this came from Spencer's Gifts). The proper name escapes me but you get the gist. This can be easily screwed into the wall or stood on something and mad to shine down upon plants (just replace the bulb with a normal fluorescent). Get two of them, plug them in somewhere that will receive minimal traffic and you have yourself your very own grow room of sorts. Personally, I have a half-finished basement with a small room we use for the gym. In there, I have a long fluorescent light that's about two feet long, double-wide with two u-shaped bulbs. This gives me about 3 feet by 2 feet of space. You'll want about the same. Search google for fluorescent light bar plug-ins. Eon does have them I believe. You can also find them at Wal-Mart or home improvement stores. An easy way to do this is to get a cardboard box, buy one of those light housings and attach the light to the inside of the box like this:

Same light housing with the light pointed down; Replace black light with normal fluorescent and you're good.

I didn't fully attach it, but you get the idea. Also, if you got a regular lamp, you'll want to get at least two and be able to have them get close to the plants. No standing lamps that tower three feet over the seedlings. I cannot stress closeness enough. For me, though my lights are in the basement ceiling, during the seed-starting season I place all of my starts on top of my free-standing kick-bag, raising them to within an inch of the light--yeah, you want it that close.

Next, figure out the traffic situation. As the seedlings get bigger, they'll have few factors inhibiting superfluous growth, meaning they'll actually need stuff like a little wind and harsher conditions to toughen them. But when under an inch tall, they don't need any contact and do well in minimum traffic. That means no running or rough-housing near them. It also means no wildly varying temperatures from day to day. While your laundry room may have a fluorescent light already in it and you can manage to get a ladder up so that the seeds will sit close to the naked bulbs (undo the covering over the bulbs if you can), that still may not be a good place if you do laundry at a high frequency. Just make sure that when you do go to wash and dry your clothes you remove your plants for those hours.

Then there's growing medium. Here's where it gets tricky. As a beginner, I just threw seeds out into the dirt--and I do mean dirt--outside. I added one layer of store-bought soil and then willed stuff to grow. While I got a few lettuces and peas (the two easiest things to grow), I didn't get much else. Foolishly, when I decided to start stuff inside the next year I figured I'd grab some of that semi-dirt/soil mixture (it's all soil now, outside of the clay barriers) and throw it in a pot. Bad mistake. For one, you bring in any and all pests living in your soil, which can wreak havoc on seedlings. Also, the stuff is too heavy for growing inside. You'll understand why later.

Ideal growing medium is light and fluffy, ie. potting soil. But not just potting soil, you preferably want a seed-starting mix created for the specific purpose of germinating and nurturing seedlings. I use this:

They say specially formulated I think so they can get more money. It's only $5.00, though.

Yes, I know, it's Miracle-gro, but from what I've read it doesn't contain many, if any chemicals. It's mostly a shredded wood pulp/peat moss mixture. You can also use finished vermicompost, sand (though, only certain seedlings will do good with a pure sand mix), or sawdust. What you want is something that will retain water, but not be too wet. It needs to let water drain but it shouldn't be too rich in nutrients. Note: While I tend to use seed-starting mix for most things, I do have a few caveats for certain plants like carrots and onions which I will discuss in another post.

The second most important thing you'll want to figure out is what to grow in (and you thought the traffic was 2nd most important, or that I'd detail the first thing being the light, then never mention a second thing). While you can get away with so-so traffic and the plants can even survive an imperfect growing medium, both of those things depend heavily on the growing container. That's when these come in.

I am a big "Green" baby--erm, well... technically, I'm black but you get the idea. Any chance I can use to not only reduce, reuse, recycle but also help the environment and grow something, I probably will take. With that said, I still have fallen into certain dining habits. Two of them that are most prevalent in my home are: drinking bottled water and eating pudding/jello/fruit cups. Don't jump on me eco-warriors, I usually drink from the gallon water bottles, but we occasionally buy the single Aquafinas as you will see throughout the blog. Anything that isn't used during the growing season in some way gets recycled, and even after the growing season, I'll still rinse or watch everything out and recycle it. I'd also like to note here that while peat pots are nice, they don't provide as much stability when growing inside as you might think (also, they can be expensive). Same goes for homemade newspaper pots. While those are good for later in the season when you are two weeks away from planting, anything you have in there for longer than three weeks will turn into a mess. Trust me! So, any plastic container coming into your house has potential as a growing container and pudding cups or cut Aquafina bottles work best. Let me show you how I prepare them.

CONTAINER PREPARATION

Step one.

Wash them thoroughly. This goes for anything that you will be touching the seedlings to or with, including your own hands and any tools. You don't want to transfer any potential bacteria that could threaten them. I use a mixture of dish soap and two drops of bleach to clean any sweet gunk left over from the pudding/jello/fruit cups; water bottles shouldn't need washing unless you put something else in them after drinking the water.

Step two.

Let them dry out, or dry them out with a clean paper towel or rag. I usually let them air dry over the course of a few days, but feel free to pat or wipe them dry so long as they remain sterile.

See, the rungs? Count up four from the bottom. 

Step three.

Now, if you are doing this project with someone young like a child who hasn't handled sharp, non-safety scissors often or ever, you'll want to do this part for them as this can be dangerous. With a clean pair of sharp scissors (or a knife), you will want to pierce the bottoms of all the containers. Place the sharp points of the scissors down into the cup, open them as wide as they will go, then pierce the bottom.

To pierce, hold the sides, making sure your fingers are nowhere near the bottom, and you can either try pulling the scissors through the bottom, or put the container on the floor, place something soft but unimportant (a layer of Styrofoam is good; stack of paper works too) underneath then jam the scissors in. The plastic for most of these cups shouldn't be that hard and should pierce easily.

And there you have it, a growing cup ready for your seeds. I should point out here that if you are using Aquafina bottles, you'll have to cut them in half, too. For that, you jam a pair of scissor into the center first. I recommend puncturing the bottle either at the bottom of the label or count up four grooves from the bottom of the bottle. Then you can follow through with piercing the bottoms. As a rule, I want them somewhere between 2 and 3 inches tall. This will save on soil requirements later. You want two cups per every one plant you plan to have. For instance, if you plan on planting 5 broccoli plants, you want to have ten cups and germinate ten seeds. While that may seem like a lot, remember that you can always watch, disinfect and reuse them later in the season for when you begin your summer plants. This way, you can assure that you plant each vegetable one per container, which will eliminate the need for thinning out layer. Also, planting all ten plants will ensure that you have a selection of the strongest plants when you get ready to plant outside. Another note: The only vegetables I don't recommend doing this for are carrots.

But we're not done yet. The final important thing is to have a container for the containers. Those holes you cut in the cup bottoms are for drainage, but also for absorption. During the early growing stages, seedlings are prone to dampening off and/or being washed away, neither of which you desire. Dampening off is a symptom of a seedling that has been watered too heavily. Yes, new plants enjoy being wet and constantly thirst for water, but leaving them growing in a pool of soggy soil will kill them. They'll start to droop and eventually die, leaving mold spores behind. For this reason, we don't like to water from above as the water could not only stick to their leaves or make the soil too wet, but it could also wash them away, or make the soil bubble over top of the leaves, leaving you with a plant that wanted to live but died because of lack of light.

We want to water from beneath. Again, plastic containers come in handy here:

Above, I have the lid of a long unused water softener from a previous house. What is of note is its current utility. I washed and sterilized it just as I did the cups. I also let this air dry. Once I start planting things, I put the cups into the center of the circular reservoir and can pour water around the edges. The seed-starting mixture I'm using will wick the water up from the bottom, keeping the soil just wet enough for the seedlings to stay hydrated, while not washing them out. For your own purposes, what container you use will depend highly on how many plants you seek to grow. However, I would recommend the plastic containers that salads or chopped mushrooms from the store come inside--again, reusing and recycling. You can use a paint tray, too, so long as it hasn't been used for paint. Anything is acceptable here so long as it is sterilized, sanitized, can hold water and will not sit too high above the plants. If it sits six inches above the cups, then it could block the lights out or it could restrict air flow, both unacceptable. As far as watering goes, I'll talk to you about that in the post when we start transplanting from paper towels and plastic bags into these homemade pots. See you then!

Ignore the tomato plants, the secondary plastic container was a plastic salad container from the grocery store.

What do you think? Was that an unnecessarily long post? Did you find it informative? Are you a beginning gardener or an advanced gardener? If advanced, what tricks do you use? There are reasons why I do things the way I do them, but I couldn't smash everything into one post, just know that all questions will be answered sooner or later. As far as anything you might wanna say about this post, let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the NA novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic and adult, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon; season 2 coming this summer. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "If you can't reduce your waste, then reuse and recycle it. Do the world a favor"

The More You Know!

P.S. Ha! NBC. So preachy yet so informative. I can't believe they still do those "The More You Know" psuedo-PSAs. I just saw one about bullying. Good job for them.

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Starting White Potatoes, Onions and Carrots #VegetableGardening #SpringPrep #Gardening #SeedStarting

Starting White Potatoes, Onions and Carrots #VegetableGardening #SpringPrep #Gardening #SeedStarting

Gif From Google Spring 2016. I do not own the rights to it. 

"Damn, Michael! Back at it again with another spring gardening post. Damn, man!" Yes, apparently that got very famous, very quickly for, you know... purposes unknown. But as always, thankfully my timing is impeccable as I am exploiting it a full month after it went viral and the kid wound up on Ellen. Not gonna hate! Cheers to you, Daniel and your friend who is amazed by your shoes. If only all of this stuff existed when I was in school. Sigh.

Speaking of education, here's another post on spring gardening preparation (#SpringPrep). OK, admittedly, this should probably be part of your fall or even winter gardening prep, but for those of us who either garden until the ground freezes or just don't have the time to keep up with the garden during the cold bleak winter, or forget where we put certain things like tubers, this is a great way to make sure that you get to grow some potatoes, everybody's favorite food... except diabetics who shouldn't load up on complex starchy sugary foods. I'm so serious. Like, cut down... now!

For everyone else, feel free to start your potatoes immediately. A little tater background: white potatoes are part of the nightshade family. They share genes with tomatoes, peppers and eggplants (I'm probably missing one there, but can't think of it right now). For those with limited space, a plant exists which combines tomatoes with potatoes, growing the maters on top and taters in the ground. While that would be good for people with small gardens or even doing container gardening, I have no experience with these plants and can't speak to their efficiency at producing an adequate potato crop. Why? Well, let me initiate you.

White potatoes, unlike sweet potatoes, do not vine. Instead, they grow up into what is called a tower plant (made that up, but it's apt). A tower plant benefits from a process called hilling (totally not made up, but sounds too simple). Hilling is when you build up the soil around the plant as it grows. For example, the plant grows to a height of six inches. Instead of continuing to let it grow and grow, you will hill up good, loose, workable soil around the stem and some (not all) of the leaves to about one inch from the top. This will cause the newly buried five inches of plant to send out more roots which ultimately can turn into potatoes as that is what they are, roots or tubers of a plant.

These Are Not The Potatoes We Are Looking For

I should note here that white potatoes, unlike sweet potatoes (pictured left) not only enjoy cooler weather, but require it to continue growth. They will continue growing until it gets far too hot for them around 80-85 degrees in the summer. They also take a long time to grow, the normal duration for full baking potatoes clocks in around 120 days. This, again, is why now is a good time to start them, or even earlier (zone 5 or 6 here people; Northeast Ohio; always check your zone for last frost dates). As I tried to allude to earlier, a common practice for many gardeners is to plant the potatoes in the late fall/winter garden, and have them go dormant during winter's coldness. This works well especially if you're not going to till the ground in the spring. The buried tubers can survive below zero temperatures in some cases and will still produce viable plants come spring. However, for the first time gardener who knew nothing of winter prep, or who doesn't have an already prepared garden bed, this method works best and you don't risk the potatoes rotting away in the ground. Not to mention, you don't waste a potato.

So, with all of that explained, here are the instructions. Note that this process takes quite a while to prepare in any case.

POTATO PLANT STARTING
You will need:
A potato with plant stemming already forming on it as explained in step one (see picture below).

Good, clean water. It can be from the tap, but let it sit out a day so some of the chemicals can die back.

I Am Not An Aquafina Spokesperson. I Already Drank The Water Inside And Reused The Bottle For Tap Water

Seed-starting potting mix (regular potting soil may do fine also, but make sure it is something loomy and light)

A knife or scissors, though you can do this all with your hand. I use my hand in the video but a knife in the pictures. Again, younglings just getting into gardening should do fine using their hands and fingers.

One small cup or container to grow in. (For more info on this, see a later post on how to prepare for step two after seed germination).

A fluorescent light that you can get very close to the plants. We're talking inches from them.

Bad Picture And the Plants Got In The Way, But You Also See The Closeness You Want To Achieve

Step one.

Those Strange Growths Are Called Eye Stems or Eyes

Gather a potato that you enjoy eating. While you can purchase them from the store, you must take care to either buy organic or check if there is any growth inhibitor sprayed on them. A good way to test this is to look into a bag and see if any of the spuds have what are called eyes, or the little white or green protrusions on the potato that are damaged or browned-out. This is the tuber trying to produce a plant. This is what we will be working with. Sometimes these can take a few weeks to grow to a good size on the potatoes, however, a good practice to make the process go faster is to put the potatoes into a clear bag in a place that will be partially exposed to the sun on a daily basis. Contrary to some opinion, this won't smother the root. Instead, it acts as a greenhouse bag similar to how I do the seeds. No water needed as the potato will draw moisture from the air.

This Is The Third Potato. I'd Recommend Letting The Eyes Grow Bigger

Step two.

Once the eyes are big enough (see the size above) you want to pull them off. Another good gauge for sizing the eyes is to look at the sides and see if there are rings of white nodules or bumps circling around the entire eye. These bumps turn into roots. Also, it is a good idea to make sure that the tips have shown some signs of greening or have closed leaves. In the video below, you can clearly see that the tips of the spuds look like a closed flower right before it blooms.

Step three.

Pick these eyes off, making sure not to squeeze it too hard. You can also cut it off, though I find that gently twisting it off works best. You don't want any of the potato left on the end, unlike other methods.

Step four.

Then, all you do is take that, make sure that the green or leafy-forming part is facing up, and you stick that little stem into a good seed-starting mix and water it. Put it under a fluorescent light as close as you can get it, and watch it grow. Try to give it at least eight hours a day. You want it to be no less than two inches tall when you transplant. That's right, they don't have to be very tall before you plant them. The great thing about winter plants is that you can start hardening them off almost immediately.

Very Small, But It Works. It'll Explode With Roots In A Matter Of Three Days If Healthy

What is hardening off, you ask? Getting a plant used to the rough outside weather. This is done by putting the plant outside for small increments of time each day. Start with two hours, then three the next day, increasing by one hour every two days until they show little to no stress (droopiness, dying leaves, etc.). You only need to do this for one week with potatoes as they should be hilled immediately when going into the ground. But that is another post.

A note, I know the title mentions carrots and onions, too. I really only tacked that on because I forgot to mention that onions are also a good winter crop, though they are one of the few winter crops that do well throughout the summer. With another long growing season at 120 days, they take a very long time to mature, and aren't often grown by home growers. But if you want to grow those, you should start them and carrots the same way as the bag method. Get a paper towel, wet it, throw the seeds on there, slip the towel into a plastic bag and put it in a warm place around 70 degrees and wait until they germinate. Carrots grow well with onions as the pungency of the onions keeps away certain insects and can deter certain animals, though not all. Stay tuned for the post-germination transfer of all the seeds into a growing medium coming in the next day or so.

What do you think? Will you try to grow your own potatoes? Do you have the space for it? Was there anything you didn't understand simply about the process of starting the potatoes? Again, getting them in the ground and further care will be covered in a future post, so stay tuned. Oh, and yes you can still eat the potato after you've gotten the eyes off, just avoid any green which should be very close to the surface if any has built up in the potato at all. Click the #SeedStarting link in the title to find the post on seed-starting as a whole. Any other questions about the starting process, let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check the YA novel #AFuriousWind, the New Adult novel #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  the bizarre horror novella #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "Spuds MacKenzie was just a cheap rip-off imitation of me." ~ Mr. Potato Head.

For Shame! For delicious shame!

P.S. Wow! So much wrong with that. First off, Mr. Potato Head, Spuds MacKenzie was a dog. Had nothing to do with potatoes. And second off, I sincerely question your validity as a spokesperson and role model for our children. You and your wife are shown eating--no, cannibalizing bag after bag of Lay's potato chips. What will you do next? Start eating french fries? Hmph! Indignant!

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The Birds Are Chirping, The Gnats Are... Gnatting (?) And The Republicans Are Cannibalizing Each Other. Yay, It's Planting Season! #Gardening #SeedStarting #Vegetables

The Birds Are Chirping, The Gnats Are... Gnatting (?) And The Republicans Are Cannibalizing Each Other. Yay, It's Planting Season! #Gardening #SeedStarting #Vegetables

Photo courtesy of Google 

It's Spring... almost. OK, it's not officially spring yet, however, much of the northern US has felt an unseasonably warm winter for the last two weeks and it doesn't appear to be going away. In any case, whether the weather was warm or not (do I get bonus points in this blogging thing for psuedo-alliteration there?), now is the perfect time to think ahead to the spring, summer, fall growing seasons. So get off your butts, put those #TrumpRally protest signs away, make sure you don't accidentally congratulate Nancy Reagan for something she really didn't do and grab your seeds. It's seed-starting season (seriously, the alliteration points. Is that a thing or...)!!

For those new to the blog, I'd like to first take this moment to welcome you. You're wondering why there's a post about gardening on an entertainment blog. Well, kickback because it's a short story that I'm gonna make excruciatingly long. It began back way long ago, about less than a year or so... And then I discovered funny stuff is, like, totally amazing... But who knows if they can actually grow tubers in space, you know what I mean? Plus, what would the chemical makeup of those potatoes be? Hell, some sweet potatoes come out purple just from having been grown in Asian countries. I'm just sayin'... So I say to the guy, "Well, Jimmy cracked corn but I don't care." Ha! Right. Get it? Because his name was James, which has a nickname of Jimmy? Technically, he only goes by James, but I still thought it was funny. Anyway, I said all of that to say this: this blog is about all forms of entertainment, including entertaining (wait for it) guests, or just yourself. And what do you do when you are entertaining guests but make them stuff to eat? And somebody's gotta grow your food, right? You're not one of those weird Air-i-ans, are you? Lately, everybody's been talking about the Air-i-ans that survive on air alone, or those Air-i-ans that think they're the master race and I guess they have a grand wizard or somethin'--I don't know. Magic has always been confusing to me. But even if you were one of those people, you gotta eat at some point. Why not try your hand at growing your own food, especially for health reasons.

So, where do we start? Well, this is for newbies to the home gardening culture. Debate still rages on whether you should start all your plants from seed or buy them from your local big box store. To opine, I say do what's comfortable for you when easing into this thing. My 1st year I didn't buy anything, planted some seeds out in the ground and grew one small tomato plant that produced two tomatoes. One never ripened and ants ate the other one--picture not included. Year two I ran out and bought myself a chocolate cherry tomato plant, perfected my ability to grow from seed and have been saving seeds from the cherry tomato ever since. Scroll way down or check the gardening tag and you'll see I've added a lot of new produce to the garden since, all grown from seeds or tubers. This will be a tutorial on how to grow from seed, so if you aren't doing that and don't care, that's fine. Still read it. Why? I don't know. Do you have anything else to do... or read? I should point out at this time that I am an author. Check my books out on amazon, links below. If you want to learn how to do seeds, then this is the place for you.

SEED STARTING

OK, before we begin to throw seeds around and start stuff all willynilly, we need to figure out what we want to grow and what is best started in our garden. Below is a picture of my garden pre-winter cleanup.

As you can see I have the big compost pile sitting near the center there. Then the rest of it just looks like a big muddy, leafy mess. Even the side opposite the patio path looks heinous. Good! It just came out of a long winter with temperatures that varied wildly from 70 (in Northern Ohio) to 12. By the time I'm done with the cleanup, it'll look suitable for growing and a little showing off. What's important to note is that the design and the space allocated to the veggies is all pre-planned before planting anything. The long stretch of garden separated by the path is where my winter or cold-hardy plants tend to go as they are out of the way. Just across from them at the part that looks like an arrow is also where more of my cold-hardy plants go. What are the cold-hardy plants I'm growing, you ask? Or, Michael, more importantly, "what plants that I want to plant are cold-hardy?" Simple. 

They are:

Nearly all lettuces: Iceberg, Romaines, any other loose-leafs.

Cruciferous plants: Broccoli, Brussel sprouts, Cauliflower, Cabbage, Collard Greens (or greens of any type), Kale

Potatoes (Warning: White Potatoes only, not Sweet Potatoes. Wow! Reading that out loud sounded so racist. Not all white potatoes are white. Uh... yeah.)

Carrots

Other Tubers: Beets, Turnips

Swiss Chard

And only certain types of green peas.

For everything, you want to check your seed packet for possible planting times, however, the plants listed above are considered cold-hardy (some extremely so, like beets and Brussel Sprouts) because they can survive temperatures as low as 29 degrees with minimal to no damage. That doesn't mean they're invincible as you may still have to take a certain care with them if a late deep frost below 20 comes and knocks things out, but you should be safe with these.

Now, at this time some of you are saying, "But I don't see what I want to grow on that list. What about me?" Well, just hold on to your britches because they might not be on that list but that doesn't excuse them from being started from seeds this early in the season. I'm just listing those because you can risk throwing them out into the cold, workable ground right now and they'll grow. However, if you want a surefire way for any of your seeds to grow just hang on.

That last paragraph is in reference to the most commonly grown vegetables that people love to eat and almost everyone grows: Tomatoes and peppers... and some sweet potatoes too. Is it OK to start tomatoes and peppers this early? Well, it depends and yes, respectively. I have started both all my tomatoes and pepper plants already. In fact, I still have four pepper plants as holdovers from last season. However, tomatoes can be tricky in that, unlike peppers, they will need staking at some point and they classify both as determinate and indeterminate. I'm sure you, my smart readers, know what those mean but for younger or more inexperienced readers, indeterminate means they may produce all season long until a killing frost in fall/winter. Determinate means they will produce for or at a specific time in the season or their growth cycle and then that's it. A bunch of tomatoes, then nothin'! For the latter, wait later toward the summer (early to mid-May) to start as you won't have them long anyway. Indeterminates can be started right now but both them and the peppers must be kept inside. The sweet potatoes I will do a completely different post on, but suffice it to say that you can start them now, too.

Now, as for the seeds themselves, today I am starting these packets of seeds. Unseen, I am also starting my lettuces because I don't want it to get too hot too quick. Lettuce not only does great in the cold, it must have a certain amount of coolness or it will begin to bolt or put on seed, which makes the leaves taste bitter. This often happens during the dog days of summer when temperatures rise above 78 degrees. So if you're in a warmer climate than Ohio, make a note to start your seeds even earlier next year.

I Get Seeds From All Over: Burpee, NK, Seeds of Change, RareSeeds.com, SeedSavers

For this, you will need.

One bottle of clean water. It can be from the faucet, however, it is best to let it sit for a day to allow some of the chemicals to die back. #Water4Flint

A roll of paper towels. I usually get the half sheets rather than the big square ones (mine are rectangles). You can also use napkins but don't completely unfold the napkin. You want the seeds to be able to be covered by a semi-thick layer of paper.

And finally, one plastic Ziploc bag or many depending on how much you plan to plant and what you have available to you. As an incidental or added need, you may want to have a permanent marker for marking your seed bags and you may want to have a ton of bags, one for each seed pouch. I am quite lazy and I just stuff as many seeds into one bag as I can and am then surprised at what I get. No, I don't label either, though I tend to have a good memory on what I placed where in the bag. You'll see.

Step one.

Remove a few seeds from one of your packets. I know, small (we're talkin' Trump-hands small). To me the cold-hardy plants tend to have smaller seeds than the warmer plants, with the exception of spinach and collard greens.

Step two.

Scatter them across the center of the dry towel. This is why I like the half-sheet rectangles because it is easier to get them centered and not waste the rest of the towel.

Step three.

Pour a tiny bit of water on the paper towel. Important: Wetting the paper towel before spreading the seeds may be easier for you, just make sure it is wrung out and not sopping wet. You want it to feel like you laid it on top of a tiny wet spot on your counter and let the water spread across the towel fibers rather than tried to wipe the wetness away. Damp or moist (mmm, moist. I love that word).

Step four.

You want to fold the paper towel like you are folding a letter, then fold it again at the ends to make sure the seeds don't roll out. Place it into the bag as far as you can. Do not seal the bag at any time! The seeds need the air to breathe. Again, if you have smaller sandwich bags you can do one type of seed per bag. If you have the bigger bags, you can fit in multiple folded paper towels and put a permanent marker mark on the plastic directly over the paper towel. For example, Broc written overtop the corner of the plastic would remind you of what's there. Remember to carry the bag flat on your palms so that the towels don't bunch together at the bottom or anything.

This is mid-fold. You want one small rectangle.

This is two already finished and neatly bagged

Step five.

This is where many people will differ from me. My house has a gas fireplace. I generally place the bag on the floor in front of the fireplace--right under it when it's not on, no less than a foot and a half away when it is on. But that is just me. The seeds need to be kept warm. While most people's homes are kept at or above 70 which should be enough ambient temperature for germination, some houses have deathly cold spots. So place the bag in a place that you know will stay between a constant 70-80. For cold-hardy plants it is actually OK to put certain seeds in the refrigerator instead as this will help them germinate quicker (I've done this for kale and collard greens). Others like tomatoes and peppers require the heat. Warning! Do NOT put them in a windowsill. Only seeds specifically stated to need sunlight should be put in a windowsill (Stevia, coleus plants).

And that's it. Simple, right? Leave the seeds there for about a week untouched. By the time you come back, they will have sprouted from their coatings and we'll be ready for step two, planting them in starters.

What do you think? Will you be trying to start all of your own vegetables from seed? If not, why not? It's so easy. If so, what do you plan on planting and what's your favorite dish to make with it? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind, #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "you reap that which you grow."

P.S. Wait, is that how that goes? Now I can't remember. But that could be an acceptable sign-off for my blog right? At least for the posts about gardening and stuff, right? Right? So what if it's cliche and derivative. I can't be creative all the time. Geez, Louise!

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