Beware The Ides Of March #SuperTuesday2 #Vote #DemocraticPrimary #RepublicanPrimary

Beware The Ides Of March #SuperTuesday2 #Vote #DemocraticPrimary #RepublicanPrimary

Don't Know Where This Is From

Beware the Ides of March is the famous line uttered in the Shakespeare play that chronicled the life of Julius Caesar, a polarizing but powerful political figure of his time. And now, as we prepare for a sequel to Super Tuesday from two weeks ago, we as Americans are faced with our own terrifying scenarios of a bleak future. No, I'm not talking about any of the potential candidates becoming president, but rather the loss of all the frighteningly funny shenanigans that this political season (#Decision2016) has gifted us all.

To start, I'd like to first mention that I am an Ohioan, born and raised. Tomorrow, my state, along with five others I believe (you can check my math on that) will be having both its Democratic and Republican primaries to choose which candidate in either party we want to become the nominee for that respective party. It is also of note that this year, Cleveland (city in which I was born) is the site of the Republican National Convention (RNC), a big deal. Hopefully, the Democratic convention will come in four years. This is being predicted as the potential throw-down site of a contested convention. Dun dun dunnn! If you've been following politics at all, I'm sure you've heard about the delegate math and the candidate needing a certain amount of delegates to become the official nominee. While everyone's predicting Trump will get that, things are still very much up in the air.

Pushing aside the fact that Kasich is the governor of Ohio and currently nothing more than an also-ran candidate, did you know that Ohio has literally been one of the three (again, check my math) states to be a key decider in who the next president will be? In fact, we have elected every single president going back to 1964, both republicans and democrats. A true swing-state with real power, but hey, keep calling us a fly-over state.

None of that, however, is any reason to fear today's voting, nor is where the drama lies. No, the true tragedy for today will lie within something we will all soon lose: the comedy. This political season, while exhaustively long, has supplied political comedy writers with so much material they've had to leave fantastic jokes on the floor because what they had was way better. Just in the last two months we've seen a grown man running for president talk about his hand size and equate it to his, uh... Little Trump I mean, BIG Trump size.

And We Thought Deez Nuts Was Gonna Be A BIG Deal

We've seen a woman claim she had no idea where a person was when she fought for healthcare when that person was literally standing right behind here.

We've seen New Jersey's Humpty Dumpty stand behind Mr. Hair, unable to fix his facial expression into anything other than child-who's-just-learned-Santa-isn't-real. We've seen a ventriloquist's dummy who was irrelevant back in 2012 rise from whatever republican crypt they buried him in and come back to be even more irrelevant.

Y'all Pulled Me Away From My Madame Tussuads Wax Statue Gig For This?

And, the established name of Bush dropped out of the race a month ago while everybody's crazy-eyed, bespectacled white uncle is still somehow in the race. 

Abe Simpson And I Were Just Talking About The Good Ol' Days, Now I'm Here?

We've had digs about height, people swearing that Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer (I guess he somehow pulled a Stephen King's 11/22/63 to commit the murders?), and near weekly debates that reminded us that not only is Kasich and Ben Carson still running (though Ben has since dropped out), but that Carson has become adept at sleeping on his feet while everyone ignored him (I just wish somebody would attack him).

We've been near pantsuited to death by Hillary, joined John Oliver in trying to #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, cheered/booed #TrumpRally, and made--boo! Booooo! I hate your blog! You're not funny! Everything you write is stupid.

"Get 'em outta here. Out!" Sorry, readers, there were some protesters protesting my blog. I don't know why. It's not like that many people actually take me seriously. Anyway, the amount of hilarity and fear that we as Americans have been given in the last few months is a gift. Is it a trying time for us? Are these things serious? Should we be very critical of this process and enter it with sober mind and purest of hearts? Of course. We should do all of those things. Yes, our future is important and yes fearing what may happen regardless of which party you are voting for is stressful. But it is also normal. A little fear, a little leeriness, a little trepidation about what will happen can be healthy when properly channeled. But we must all remember, regardless of what side we are on, step back, breathe and have a little levity. It's serious, but it's also funny. Don't let the weight of the future crush the hope of today. Pray if you have to, laugh, then pray some more.

What do you think? Are you too frightened/angered/upset to find anything comical about this process? You aren't hording hate in your heart are you? Or is our future too serious for a laugh? Or have you given up all hope, regardless of how this goes, and already have your car packed or plane ticket booked for Canada? Let me know in the comments below (hint: click the no comments button if you see no comments).

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind, #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "Damn it, I didn't come to this debate to argue with you!"

P.S. OK, yes, I know the difference, but I wrote because I tried to make a play off of that classic scene in Dr. Strangelove. You know, the one in the war room. Oh, you haven't seen the movie. Well, you lose a few cool points there.

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OT: A Word On Politics #Decision2016 #RepublicanPrimary #DemocraticPrimary #TheProvocateur

OT: A Word On Politics #Decision2016 #RepublicanPrimary #DemocraticPrimary #TheProvocateur

Book cover. 

Well, not one but two off-topic blog posts in a row. I'm getting pretty fancy by venturing out of my public comfort zone. I would nearly be afraid of how harshly people would judge me about the offensive things I might say were I not on the internet, a designated free speech zone where I know that no one ever criticizes another's opinion as stupid simply because they disagree. No, this post won't delve too deeply into politics. I won't be telling you which of the myriad of candidates to vote for neither in the primaries nor in the general election way out in November. However, I would like to take a quick look at what is going on in the American--nay, the world conscious as we speak. It started with one tiny finger-push of provocation.

Quick story, when I was younger I ran into a group of very unnerving people. Long story short (boy, when do I ever do that, huh?) I came to realize I wasn't just involved with some run-of-the-milll power hoarders. Fast forward quite some time and they commission me to write a book entitled The Provocateur (#TheProvocateur). The book is my least favorite work. It is specifically edited the way it is for a specific purpose and reason and is generally one of my only works I do not advertise. Don't think this is an advertisement today. This is a call to stop and think at every turn of our current political process and stand back to take in a full view of what's going on.

YOU ARE BEING CONTROLLED

That is the general theme of the book. My job, at the time, was to take these themes presented to me as truth by this group and to weave them into a psuedo-fiction. If you're a fan of my work, first off congratulations to you and thank you for calling yourself as such. Second off, you will come to realize over time just how blurred the lines between fiction and reality get within my reads. Don't take this as some "run to your nearest Amazon link and buy the book" hoopla. That book is not at all for everybody, or even most people. It is raw, it is very nasty and you will be offended by it, bar none. But the worst effect it has is its effect on your feelings, thoughts and emotions (wait, feelings and emotions are the same thing, right? Eh, whatever. I've already typed it. No use in editing it. No other blog writers or reporters do that on the internet, right?). It's not a book for enjoyment which is usually crucial in selling a fictional book. Nor is it positive. And there are many things in it which any person in any given argument or movement will agree with or call patently untruthful. Yet, it is somehow relevant from what I've seen.

The provocateur plays on conspiracy theories suggesting that all of society is puppeteered, pushed, pulled, provoked and controlled by a very small group of highly intellectual... overlords of sorts. While many people (conspiracy theorists) would naturally jump to the conclusion that, "Yes, these people are the CEOs and boardmembers of Fortune 500 companies or huge multi-national conglomerates," this is quite false. They control those people, too. What does this have to do with the political process? Everything.

The main character of the book says that this small group of provocateurs of which he is one, actually seeks to unite people, but to unite them in discord. People are united in their anger, in their frustration, in their hostility for each other or for each other's ideologies. The easiest way, as said by the provocateur, to do this is to make people feel as if their voice is not being heard, then push them or invite them or give them someway and form by which to "join the conversation." If you've been paying attention in the last 20, 30, 40, hell, ever since the dawn of civilization, you will have heard nearly those exact words. "Join the conversation," "Become part of the dialogue," "Pull up a seat at the table and share your views. We wanna hear your opinion." Don't get me wrong free speech and actually talking out issues is well and good, however, it is also the most thorough trick by which the Provocateurs control all of society. See, they know that by inviting everyone to the table and having people of different views and zealots on all sides of a particular issue, they can keep you at the table having the dialogue. Why? Because the zealots, the ultra-conservatives or ultra-liberals never let up from their stance, and will argue to the death to convince the others that they are right.

Some will see that and say, well that's good, right? Because if we don't talk about it how will anything ever get done on it? But that's the point. Little ever does get done about it, because everyone is so engrossed and embattled with the conversation. They never stop talking and start doing. And even when they do start doing, the provocateurs either find a new "issue" to draw them back to the conversation or push a wild card into the mix to get things back to chaos.

As stated in my novel Darker (an ode to Stephen King's first traditionally published work Carrie) I mention that Blacks in the US have literally been having the same conversation for the last 30+ years. Though the tagline of the conversation changes and transforms to fit into what people see as the supposedly "new" paradigm (in the book a point is made that none of what we are seeing from any group or any issue we face today including: feminism, men's rights, homophobia, transgender issues, abortion, radicalism, religions, etc. is new), nothing is new about the arguments on either side. The taglines go: "Where have all the black men gone? Why are all the good, successful black men dating/marrying outside their race? Why can't black women find good men? Why are there so many unwed single black mothers?" and the list goes on. The arguments from both sides vary: "Black men just have a preference; Black women are mean and rude, and not marriage material; Black women are too aggressive and should be more docile like white women; A lot of Black men are just getting locked up; The statistics don't really tell the full story because while young mothers are less inclined to be married, the percentage of unmarried women past a certain age is extremely low in this country." The last argument (and the most recent) I find to be the most interesting seeing as how the latest census (what, 6 years ago?) said that only 14% of women in the US are unmarried after 35 I believe. The argument then posed that black women just marry later in life. However, what it failed to take into account was that black women only make up about 7-8% of the population (Blacks being only 12-14% of the nation). In any case, you see my point here. There's been a conversation ongoing with multiple solutions posed ("Black women should date outside of their race more" or "they should date down") but nothing has been done to actually fix the problem. There's a never-ending stream of rhetoric of what we should and shouldn't do.

"But, Michael, I'm not Black, so this doesn't apply to me." Maybe that's true, but the overall structure of it does. This is applied to and for any issue. It's a pattern. I say all of that to say this, the vitriol and hatred that has come out during these primaries on both sides and from all people is doing nothing to help any situation. It is only adding to the chatter and frustration, which adds to the contempt. The amount of time people are spending on the rhetoric for and from their side, the protests of the rallies of any candidate (whether it be the #TrumpRally foolishness or BlackLivesMatter interrupting both Bernie and Hillary) adds nothing but more fuel for the conversation that has gotten this country nowhere. We're running to events meant for the opposition knowing that we'll cause conflict and thinking that'll incite change. It won't. People, we must focus our time instead on coming up with real solutions to the problems (something we do try to do during the endless conversations) but then forging ahead with those solutions (something that is seldom done) regardless of how others feel about it. "But we already help our communities and try to build them up." Then do even more of that. Unite your community with another and truly get behind an innovator. Do something that will be productive with your time other than this, because the longer you talk, the longer you're simply in the conversation, the less real change and progress occurs. It's time to stop the conversation and start focusing on real action. My too sense.

I'm not gonna ask for comments this time. Too much of that. All I ask is that if you go to one of these rallies for any candidate, be safe. And spend more time backing your candidate rather than dissing another.

Check out my new 5-star comedy novel, Yep, I'm Totally Stalking My Ex-Boyfriend. #AhStalking

If you’re looking for a scare, check #AFuriousWind, #DARKER, #BrandNewHome or  #ThePowerOfTen. For those interested in something a little more dramatic, check out #TheWriter. The full first season is out NOW exclusively on Amazon. If you like fast action/crime check out #ADangerousLow. The sequel A New Low will be out in a few months. And if you must, check out the 0.99cent The Provocateur on Amazon. Join us on Goodreads to talk about books and TV, and subscribe to and follow my blog with that Google+ button to the right.

Until next time, "She sells seashells offshore through the TPP."

'What? First our jobs, now our seashells? What else will China take?'

P.S. God, I'm so funny! I forget how hilarious I am sometimes, but there it is, my humor rearing it's comical head. And you all think this political season is crazy, just wait until we have Trump running for President again, this time against Kanye West in 2020. Things keep going this way, I'll run for president one day. Count on it ;).

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